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“How to get rid of your monster-in-law without committing murder?”

Note that this is a just a humour post. Please go far-far if you cannot take mother-in-laws jokes, ok?

JT left a comment in my previous housewife post.

I love my wife… BUT

WHAT SHOULD I DO?? i hav oredi hinted to my MIL abt cutting down the unnecessary calls.

pls pls… appreciate any ideas and advice fr any good ‘housewife’ out there.
p/s sorry.. murdering her is not an option.

I think Terence will be the best person to teach you, JT? ‘Cos I am not a man and hence, cannot empathise why men cannot love our mommies like we women do. But that is not to say I don’t have my share of pain-in-the-arse monsters-in-law. In fact, I got ship loads of them in the form of siblings. (God bless my MIL who has RIP)

Still, do you know that it is easier for men to tolerate their monster-in-law than we women have to tahan our MILs? It is a gender thing.

Usually, with men, it is mostly about money. She wants to know how much you earn. She wants to compare your salary with her own son. She wants to make sure that her son has something much better than yours etc etc. Then, there are those who helps to keep an eye that you do not cheat on your wife so she mark you like a spy.

But with women, our MILs are truly monster from hell because she wants to be sure that we wives are not better than her in anyway and yet, they demanded we serve their precious sons like kings. Actually, they do not know what they want. Whether they want wives who are so superly good until their precious sons are so smitten with the wife’s cooking, housekeeping, childcare, sex etc etc or they want a so-so daughter-in-law who is below par compared to her.

Having said that…my dear hubby is actually very ngam with my mother, more than I do. He could tolerate my mom more than I can. Maybe because my mom is the exact opposite of his mom. My mom was a cheerful person, talks non-stop, very, very cincai and smiles all the time. She was excellent with our kids. (poor me……. just use the opposite adverbs and go figure LOL)

So, like I said, I really have no idea how to dispose off your monster-in-law, short of…..

(video taken from Edelweiss Cafe, Penang)

So, married men, help JT lah!




26 Responses to ““How to get rid of your monster-in-law without committing murder?””

  1. i love the edelweiss cafe, but its too bad its non-halal; though i enjoy their fresh oranges!

    i wander how my monster-in-law-in-future be?

  2. Hahaha. man…luckily I am not in such positions yet.

    Klaws last blog post..Badawi, Take A Good Look In The Mirror!

  3. Niamah!!! (pun intended) Why you drag me in??? Why? Why?

    JT: There is no other option. Do you want a Glock or a Baretta? Bwahahaha!!!

    What I normally do is, let her do whatever she wants, don’t complain. Not even a single word. Leave her alone. Ignore her. After a while, she will be off your back. Sometimes, all they want is attention. They can’t stress you out if you do not let them so.

    If that doesn’t work, Do you want the Glock or the Baretta? LOL. Chill lah.

  4. Terence – :mrgreen: I know you sure expert wan…..Lotsa experiences mahhhhh…Keep the video lah. Want me to superimpose any faces there? Politicians for eg?

    klaw – So beware LOL

    azhan – Pilih baik-baik tu. You mentioned diamond cutting? I know that department but they were usually locked in so cannot recall lah. LOL, one day I cari my Miss OE Personality 1st runner up photo and you show your mom, ok? *cari puke bucket*

  5. If you can’t love your MIL now, U can’t love your wife in future. She’s gonna be her uncanny return in the sequel! Sweat la!

    9pek9bos last blog post..Butt thinking on Shitty Problem!

  6. Thks lilian, 😐

    am nt trying to turn u into the agony aunt lilian, instead i was merely hoping to get some helpful hints fr a woman’s perspective (i cant ask my wife the same question, can I?), and u hav def. given me some insights…. 😈

    I have tried to endure her living with us..for abt a yr now.I do not wish to ‘dispose’ of her as she has no where else to go and i know she prefers not to go back home as there is still a court case against her pending, for tht she will need to surrender her passport (she messed this one up big time as she could easily avoid being held responsible but she prefer to tidak apa, tidak apa not consulting her children until things cannot be reversed and her 2 lawyers even denying acting for her but still took her money) 😕

    anyway, she tried to do her part and cook for us, let’s put it this way, she is a person who hadn’t held a pan, cook an egg or know how to hold a cleaver properly until 2 years ago, and tht i appreciate her effort, but her cooking styles somehow go against the ‘conventional’, just a few example… she likes her tibun (cucumber) to be 1/4 inch thick, prefers to add potatos in all her soups to make it starchy, forgets to turn off the cooker/burners and always burns the pans when she cooks. She had 2 years ti learn even now she still asks my wife abt cooking. if she is my daughter, at least i can try to be reasonable and exert some control, but she is my MIL! OH…AGGGRRRR………AHHHAHHH. 😕

    one more thing, I just can not tahan her hair spray tht she uses EVERY FREAKING DAY! it’s like walking into a hair saloon without any windows!! :mrgreen:

    Terence,

    Glock or a Beretta? though i like Quentin terantino’s movie, I ‘do not’ advocate or preach violence. Besides, it’s messy with the grey matter splattered all over the wall, having said that, i hav actually tot abt rat poison.. 😈

    i hav tried to leave her alone, or even educate her on some common tasks like using emails/computer. Try to imagine this picture in your mind, at the beginning she threw a tantrum by slamming the keyboard and refused to learn, i said to her, if this is your attitude.. so be it, u teach yourself. When we remind her of her ‘spoil child’ behaviour, she replies..’aiya, when some ppl is close to dying, this is how they behave!’

    she had her palm read in thailand last year and was told she will have an argument with one of her son-in-laws by august!! when she told us this, i half jokingly said to her… we dont have to wait till august! 👿

    anyway, I actually feel better after getting this all out of my chest…..seems like, I will hav to continue to zen (tahan) her…. hopefully, i don turn into a ninja!

    p/s Terence, keep the Glock handy just in case, as it is lighter and the magazine carries more bullets in case i miss, i’d prefer this over the Berretta. Just make sure it’s fully loaded! 🙄

  7. 9pek9bo,

    your nickname…gsh, doesnt tht say something abt me right now?

    Oh no, my wife does not behave anything like my MIL. I love my wife dearly as for my MIL, respect yes… but love? no way. 😯

  8. JT: Chill man, Marry the wife, marry the family. Its a package. You can’t change the way your MIL behaves or act. You have to accept people for what they are. Sad but true.

    Reading your comment tells me she is giving you hell. Just remember this, if you fell angry or pissed, you let yourself feel that way, your MIL didn’t. You control your emotions. You control the way you wanna feel.

    The only thing that keeps me from using the Baretta (I prefer the Baretta) is I always tell myself I have a wonderful wife. The fact is, without the MIL, I wouldn’t have my wonderful wife.

    Life goes on. Shit happens. Come here more often for the fun and rant all you want. Cheers.

  9. Terima kasih Dr. Terence. How much is your fees ah? You can charge JT in British pounds.

    JT – It is a universal fact that women will grow and become like their mothers one day. Scary but true. Arrggh…I am turning into my mother!!!!

    9pek9bo – Hahaha, Very wise observation.

  10. :mrgreen: Wuching (a married man from OZ) posted in the wrong post. Here’s what he has to offer to JT.

    Wuching
    http://wuching.com

    move far far away & disconnect the phone

  11. Oh, one more thing. Don’t make life difficult for the wife. Never put her in the middle of an argument. Never ask her to choose between the 2 of you.

    You might end up losing your MIL and your WIFE at the same time and you wouldn’t want that.

    Lilian: Having a PhD don’t make me a doctor lah. (Permanent head Damage)

  12. Reading this make remind me the earlier day of marrying hubby. Hubby brought MIL to stay with us. As i’m not chinese, and MIL is the typical chinese MIL (no offence Chinese MIL out there), she makes sooooo many rules what to do..what not to do (in my own house) and apply all feng shui do and don’t to me, and even ask me to pray like i’m already converted to buddhist.She knows that neither me or hubby going to change our religion even we got married but she want me to pray as a Buddhist anyway (But of course my Faith is always Jesus). She told me how good she was last time too 🙄 . I suffer the first year i married with hubby i almost wanted to back off from our marriage. Always quarrelled with hubby whenever she had issues.

    That was 5 years ago. Now, she didn’t bother much about me anymore. Hehe I applied the don’t care, don’t bother attitude to her and She finally gave up, i think. Now, we can leave in a same house with no bickering at all. No matter how I don’t like her last time, she is still my hubby’s mother. I have to respect her.

    So JT, just respect you MIL as you respect your wife. In time, she will get better. DOn’t worry

    kaDusMamas last blog post..Oh My God!!! Am I pregnant AGAIN..???

  13. Respect??? 🙄

    Terence, how much for the Glock AND Baretta?

    I have MIL and FIL to deal with and both are equally pain in the you know where! They are lucky that we moved out before I reached bursting point or else…..

    Anyway, although in a different house, they still control their one and only son, my husband, with their demands that he goes back there with their grandchild EVERY SINGLE DAY that their son is not working or free.

    That said, it is lucky that I get to escape because well, they do not demand to see me and I always find excuses NOT to go there. I’d rather dig my eyeballs out with a blunt fork.

    I have a gadzillion of ‘different’ opinions with them but since they are my husband’s parents, I just try to be as civilised as I possibly could altho due to my infamous temper and sharp tongue, I often let slip a lot of sarcastic remarks at them whenever they make unreasonable demands or stupid comments (such as comparing my son to some other relatives’ child. I hate it when they do that).

    So, JT. There is no escape. Although we stay apart, they still are a big pain in my life. And I can foresee that if either one kicks the bucket or my husband suddenly became rich and bought a big house, I’d be back to staying with them.

    Just accept it as part of life’s many downs and tolerate as best you could. Rat poison is not a good idea. It is detectable. I suggest you look for ways to make it look like an accident…. 😈 No point going to jail because of them.

    Foongs last blog post..The police suck big hairy bull’s balls!

  14. Foong – Yayaya, just because we do not like her, it doesn’t mean we hate her mah….Rite????? I play one corner, you play one corner, peace on earth lor, rite? :mrgreen:

    KaDusMama – Wuah…so trying time? But biasa ler, most new wives kena these trying times wan. My MIL spoke Hakka, thinking I do not understand. Bwahahaha, she and her dotters didn’t know I grew up with a Hakka neighbour. 😈

    Tenkiu Sensei Terence :mrgreen:

  15. Kam sia kam sia every1.

    I guess i am powerless in turning the table to my benefit, perhaps… this weekend, i should try to run her over in reverse gear and pretend it to be an accident..!! 😈

    ci liau lah… what should i do with the rat poison? 😯 Perhaps Foong might consider inherit it. 🙄

    Terence, i like you’ niamah’… so, i am gonna start cursing ‘kanineh’ to balance out my life. 😎

    in contrary to my earlier posting, i was kinda hoping some1 will come up with a plan or a magical potion fr a famous bomoh. or even ‘kong tau’ 😈 😈 (cant believe i say these, what am i turning into?) 😥

    there is no way that my MIL will ever change, she has had what mere mortals would consider life changing events recently in the past 3 years….. but still ‘sian’ lah.

    setting all jokes aside, come to think of it, my MIL is not so bad lah, at least she isnt trying to control our life and stab my back. 😉

    Is she demanding? Nope
    has she ever behaved like a ‘cua’ (snake)? Nope
    has she been helpful? actually yes…cant go into details
    has she got a good heart? i believe so….

    so, besides the hair spray, ‘unconventional’ cooking styles, the odd occasional ‘spoilt child’ outbursts, illogical and OTT comments, she is not so bad.

    So, kanineh, i hav come to a conclusion that for the sakes of my wife, my sanity and empathy to the ‘lau lang keh’ MIL, I shall pratice my yago breathing method daily and ‘zen’ ‘zen’ ‘zen’.

    (deep breath) thanks everyone.

  16. JT – I dem like your expression lah. You should start blogging. Eh, btw, since when you start reading my blog ah? How you find it?

  17. Err. Anyone still interested in those firearms??? Shipment arrived already leh. Bwahahaha!!! :mrgreen:

  18. general election > Malaysiakini > Susan loone > lilian
    how long? days…rather than weeks.
    kanineh, this reminds me of tht siau lang-1957, wat happen to him liau?
    blogging? right now no hav time lah.

    Terence,

    keep the Glock for me, wil attempt to sabotage my brakes/tyres under the moon light tonite. Should I cut the brake pipes? or loosen the wheel nuts? ❓ 🙄

  19. NEWS FLASH….(wa beh tong liau…arrggg)

    came home today and know what i discovered? no… not the motionless body of my MIL on the floor… 👿

    saw a burnt out aluminum bowl that we use for marinading the food. ❓ ❓

    kanineh-leh, guess what my MIL has done? she tried to burn …. ‘story rewinds>>> she joined a religious group call Fo Guan San here abt 1 yr ago and got hold of some reading materials plus some booklets where she traces the teachings (keng) word by word, she does that to pass time i suppose as she doesnt understand chinese anyway.’

    ‘pause’

    and she tried to burn that ……she said she tried to use soapy water to clean it but the black marks refused to be washed away.

    NEWS FLASH 2 (some1 pls find me some C4..!!!, Terence, the Glock is so so tak cukup on this case)

    was expecting some parcels delivered today, FedEx came today but left a note saying that noone was at home to sign for it… i asked ci boh, ci meh?

    my MIL duly informed me that she heard the bell went, but too scare to open the door thinking the person behind the door might rompak her..!!!! now i have to freaking drive to the local sorting office to collect the parcels.

    SOMEBODY.. PLS BRING ME 2 LBS OF LARD….. i just want to swallow it to get a premature heart attack sooner!!

    housewives…. pls tell me that burning stuffs i mentioned is the right practice? i guess we may be forced to ‘pai pai’ the pens she uses to write on the booklets too! She was never a religious person b4 she loss all her money, nowadays.. she is so into pai sin. there is a kuan yin wooden bust we put on display, because of the sun, the wax on one of the hands has faded away, know hat she said…..

    ‘it faded because we never pai pai her (the quan yin)’ 😯 😯

    ‘deep deep breaths…..’ ‘ deeper deeper breaths’……..

  20. One more thing…. last night, MIL made a comment, she said Jesus when he was alive, must be also a follower of Tao. Things that Jesus had done, if tht were not Tao, what else could it be she said? (to all sisters and brothers out there, do u know if Taoism existed in Jerusalem back then?… if possible, give me some factual evidence so i can tembak her) 😕

    She also dropped a bombshell saying that she has decided to go to this big ceremonial worshipping of Fo Guan San in Taiwan later this year, she was told lodging and meals are free, just get herself there… BUT RM2000 donation is compulsory..!!! i said kanineh! where got this kind of ang kong wan…(didnt actually say kanineh to her lah) I replied it’s yr money, u decide but i am not gonna entertain any complaints fr u later.

    Who brings their own chilli sauce to restaurants? and must have at least 2 kinds of chilies for meals EVERYDAY.. sambai +/- chopped chilli and chilli sos (yeos one)
    Answer> My MIL 😡

    Who originally planned to play the ‘ang kong kengs’ player in my house (u know, one tht u buy fr the ang kong tiam that plays out the ang kong keng continuously, sometime u see ppl also put beside the coffin when there is a funeral) until I said… ‘NOT IN THIS HOUSE’ this isnt a temple!
    Answer> My MIL 😡

    Who watches ‘murder she wrote’, ‘ironside’, ‘agatha christie’ and ‘mason’ (all detectives stories) everyday and became suspicious of everyday life as a result such that if she sees a young attractive waitress talking to me, she will think the waitress is ‘hiau’ and is trying to ‘kau sua’ me?
    u guess it> My MIL

    sorry guys… i spilled a lot of beans today but i am in rage.. cant help it! but this sure makes me feel a wee bit better….. shouldering all these agonies fr an insensible cynical 60-something-still-thinks-like-16 MIL is not easy. I am determine to get better nonetheless.

    Q? am i being sensitive? paranoid? irrational? I want the truth pls even if it hurts.

  21. JT, cool man, you don’t want to get a stroke from all that…if it’s any consolation, I’ve been there and I tel u, it is even harder as I was supposed to be an ‘obedient, filial daughter in law’ but I was definitely NOT!

    Just focus on her good points okay? At least she’s not a backstabber (mine is a pro-backstabber, I have the deep scars on my back to prove it!)

    Eh, encourage her to go to Taiwan la. At least you get some peace for a couple of weeks. heh heh. Maybe encourage her to join it and stay there permanently and never come back.Muahahahahah

    Foongs last blog post..The police suck big hairy bull’s balls!

  22. eh, Terence, where are the weapons? How much ah? I have two huge rodent problem to get rid of 😈

    by the way, thanks for the offer JT. I don’t want the rat poison, it is too incriminating.

    The accidentally reversing your car into her is a very good idea…hmmm…how about ‘accidentally’ pushing them off the cliff after taking them to a beautiful mountain vacation? 😈

    Foongs last blog post..The police suck big hairy bull’s balls!

  23. Photo of her, your address and the best time. Free hit for you. Cleaning up is optional, chargeable and subject to 5% GST. This job categorized under service industry mah.

    Chill man. Change what you can and accept what you can’t change.

  24. Terence – See? I know you sure expert wan

  25. thank you mina-san,

    lately, i had a bit of time to re-assess the situation and I feel i ought to put a closure to this.

    for the record, I will try to respect more of my MIL and try to tahan as best as I can take for the foreseeable future.

    p/s it’s her birthday today.. Wishing you a Happy birthday, MIL.

  26. Only time I lock our bedroom door is when my in-laws visit. The’ll just fling the door open in the morning without even knocking. To him, I’m just someone who took the eldest of his three daughters (no sons) away. Has the 30-year-old car resprayed every three years so it’s nice to look at and other people won’t laugh at him (like putting makeup on a dying person). She wants to buy everything her friends have (makeup, massage chair, jewelry, clothers, shoes, etc). Knows exactly how much so and so’s children give them every month, always sits facing the entrance of a restaurant so she can see who can afford to eat there.