The watafarking feelings
Posted on May 19th, 2008 by Lilian • Filed under: Life and rants
So, I just woke up with another new dream. I dreamt someone hacked my blog and wrote posts on it. I found it is some server 400 error but my PC keyboard number 4 key is spoilt and I couldn’t Google and find a solution to ‘clean’ the errors.
I guess I know the source of such nightmares. The WTF feelings build up and I need outlet to download it. It is partly due to the tensions. I got home from my morning seminar, went out for lunch and came home around 3 pm. I took a nap and woke up at 5.20 pm and tension betul. 6 pm! I must cook before that!
But that’s not the end of the stresses I pile on myself. Yes, I stressed myself out. It is no one’s fault. Yesterday, when I visited the patient, I noticed he was labouring for his breath. I know it can means a few things. One is a lung infection, or water retention in the abdomen area, or swollen liver or even worse, the cancer spread to the lungs. Which is not uncommon. So, I was told that the hospital has taken an x-ray and though the x-ray slide was there but I can’t read it.
And his wife said, “Maybe he has taken too much ‘cooling’ foods.” *sweats* See? It is really tension to be responsible for the makan-minum. When a big bunch of 3gu6po come visiting and they start pok-pek-pok-pek, sure got plenty of things to say. Hot lah, cold lah, toxic lah, what have you been feeding him lah…..
Anyway, he is better today and has appetite. Last night, I put the ingredients in the slow cooker to make the soup for him because I wasn’t around this morning. I then sms-ed my hubby while in the seminar to remind him to filter/tapis the soup, and bring only the soup, after adding fish fillets and mee suah.
But all the above is not very watafarking yet.
While having dinner just now, when hubby was away……
Me talking to my 18 yrs old and 16 yrs old : You know hor…..that who-who ah, the dotter hor….she is not coming back yet ‘coz she said she wanna earn another few more weeks of money. Few more weeks….you know???????
Sons : Where is she?
Me : Nay, overseas. You say lah, where got like that wan….The fader like this already, somemore think of earning money. You know hor…next time if it is me, lying there dying….
Sons probably think…..There she goes again with her drama, theories and stories…..
Me continue : You know hor…what I will do to you all? I expect everyone to drop everything and come back ASAP or else, I slowly cancel off my will. *breaks into evil laughter* Every day I cut off a few percentage until you get zero. Really mah, what’s the point of having money when you cannot prioritise what is more important. You know hor, the operation to remove the kidney? It is a very risky one and one can k.o. wan, you know????? So, you say lah, where can like this?
Anyway….please do not comment on the above ‘coz I am just venting. I know I shouldn’t be venting but heck, I might as well write whatever is bothering me.
I attended the half day formation (it means seminar lah) on Family Reflection by Martin Jalleh. Initially, adoi, I thought, “Die lah, here I am with a big group of cathecism class teachers who are mostly over 60 years old. How am I going to pass the four hours with these holy people who teach our children about the Catholic faith?” I dem scared of them because they are really serious type wan. Lucky we do not need to do any sharing or talking, just listen.
I sat there fidgeting because my butt hurts sitting on the wooden church pew. Left, right, left, right, I wriggled. Not that I am not interested to listen to Martin but what he said is probably what I have been doing. It is a sort of ‘Yeah, I got it right!’.
Anyway….I know I ramble a lot. I do not care if people thinks I am whining, claiming to be a saint, showing off I am nice or whatever. Some of you know that it is my way of dealing with all these watafarking feelings in me. I better write it and get it out of my chest before I start dreaming of Samy Vellu and Lim Keng Yaik. *omg, slaps self* Give me DAPititis anytime. LOL.
Ok, chant 9pek9bo suggested Serenity prayer :
‘God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.’