The watafarking feelings

So, I just woke up with another new dream. I dreamt someone hacked my blog and wrote posts on it. I found it is some server 400 error but my PC keyboard number 4 key is spoilt and I couldn’t Google and find a solution to ‘clean’ the errors.

I guess I know the source of such nightmares. The WTF feelings build up and I need outlet to download it. It is partly due to the tensions. I got home from my morning seminar, went out for lunch and came home around 3 pm. I took a nap and woke up at 5.20 pm and tension betul. 6 pm! I must cook before that!

But that’s not the end of the stresses I pile on myself. Yes, I stressed myself out. It is no one’s fault. Yesterday, when I visited the patient, I noticed he was labouring for his breath. I know it can means a few things. One is a lung infection, or water retention in the abdomen area, or swollen liver or even worse, the cancer spread to the lungs. Which is not uncommon. So, I was told that the hospital has taken an x-ray and though the x-ray slide was there but I can’t read it.

And his wife said, “Maybe he has taken too much ‘cooling’ foods.” *sweats* See? It is really tension to be responsible for the makan-minum. When a big bunch of 3gu6po come visiting and they start pok-pek-pok-pek, sure got plenty of things to say. Hot lah, cold lah, toxic lah, what have you been feeding him lah…..

Anyway, he is better today and has appetite. Last night, I put the ingredients in the slow cooker to make the soup for him because I wasn’t around this morning. I then sms-ed my hubby while in the seminar to remind him to filter/tapis the soup, and bring only the soup, after adding fish fillets and mee suah.

But all the above is not very watafarking yet.

While having dinner just now, when hubby was away……

Me talking to my 18 yrs old and 16 yrs old : You know hor…..that who-who ah, the dotter hor….she is not coming back yet ‘coz she said she wanna earn another few more weeks of money. Few more weeks….you know???????

Sons : Where is she?

Me : Nay, overseas. You say lah, where got like that wan….The fader like this already, somemore think of earning money. You know hor…next time if it is me, lying there dying….

Sons probably think…..There she goes again with her drama, theories and stories…..

Me continue : You know hor…what I will do to you all? I expect everyone to drop everything and come back ASAP or else, I slowly cancel off my will. *breaks into evil laughter* Every day I cut off a few percentage until you get zero. Really mah, what’s the point of having money when you cannot prioritise what is more important. You know hor, the operation to remove the kidney? It is a very risky one and one can k.o. wan, you know????? So, you say lah, where can like this?

Anyway….please do not comment on the above ‘coz I am just venting. I know I shouldn’t be venting but heck, I might as well write whatever is bothering me.

I attended the half day formation (it means seminar lah) on Family Reflection by Martin Jalleh. Initially, adoi, I thought, “Die lah, here I am with a big group of cathecism class teachers who are mostly over 60 years old. How am I going to pass the four hours with these holy people who teach our children about the Catholic faith?” I dem scared of them because they are really serious type wan. Lucky we do not need to do any sharing or talking, just listen.

I sat there fidgeting because my butt hurts sitting on the wooden church pew. Left, right, left, right, I wriggled. Not that I am not interested to listen to Martin but what he said is probably what I have been doing. It is a sort of ‘Yeah, I got it right!’.

Anyway….I know I ramble a lot. I do not care if people thinks I am whining, claiming to be a saint, showing off I am nice or whatever. Some of you know that it is my way of dealing with all these watafarking feelings in me. I better write it and get it out of my chest before I start dreaming of Samy Vellu and Lim Keng Yaik. *omg, slaps self* Give me DAPititis anytime. LOL.

Ok, chant 9pek9bo suggested Serenity prayer :
‘God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.’

17 thoughts on “The watafarking feelings

  1. Could his daughter wanna earn more money so she can pay the hospital money to cure her father? That is another guess. I can understand why you required the daughter to come back asap. For me, i would do so as well. 😕

    jarods last blog post..Indonesian lost tamely to Korean

  2. Lilian, don’t worry about people pok-pek-pok-pek. Just let those remarks go in one ear and out the other ear. You have cared, you have made the effort, you have contributed to make the situation better. In fact, the family and all the others there should appreciate and thank you for your good deeds!!!

  3. If I am your BIL, I will be very happy because I know someone is always to care for me. God bless you and also your BIL. Btw, I think you are really stress up. That’s why you dream so much.

    Choonies last blog post..Slimming

  4. Niamah!!! Your mind is restless lah. Relax lah. Eh, got dream 4D number ar? If got, call me hor!

    BTW all the Sami Bulu clicks are mine. Bwahaha!!!

  5. I was in your same situation almost 30 years ago. I had to look after my younger sister who developed leukemia because an ignorant nurse & doctor x-ray her pelvic 5 times in a day. I looked after her for 5 years before she succumbed to infection during final remission, also the fault of another incompetent doctor. Didn’t stop there…cos parents also went in and out of hospitals. All in all, I spend 15 of my years in hospitals. Like you, I have seen and talked to a lot of sick people, old people, good and bad nurses/doctors. All I can say to you…your effort do make life for them a lot better and comfortable. Do keep it up but remember to rest your heart too. It is just as fragile. 😐

  6. Ptui!! Jeles? See my MSN avatar leh. 😎

    Write a HAPPY post and you will be happy.

  7. After reading all your posts abt your BIL, i just want to know watafark his wife is doing if you’re in charge of all his foods?? if she really so smart then she should go do all the cooking lar!

  8. *This one strictly between me and Sooi2 :mrgreen: . Not for others to comment, ok?*

    Sooi2 – She got two grandkids, a shop and a home that she couldn’t attend to because he needs someone to bring him drinks, foods and etc. He is depressed and totally not moving. Now got bed sores thimmm…She had to stay there lor. Kesian her lah. I asked if in the afternoon she wants to come to my house and take a nap or something. She said she is fine lor. My house to the hospital only few mins away. Earlier hor, she did not ask me to cook, but her eldest sis who recently got in a bike accident. She cooked liao, my poor hubby had to travel all the way far-far to bring from her home to the hospital. Somemore, the she oredi 60 + yrs old lor and cook the same dish. That’s why initially I was so hurt that they never even think of asking me first. Like sked I simply tembak and cook every ‘angmoh sai’ type of foods and poison him or I put holy water inside and kena Hongkau-kui kongthau.

    Later, they realised it is not workable cos my hubby had to spend an extra 30 mins to just to travel to bring the foods.

    Niamah, this is the same family whom had stayed with me when their shop house burnt down many years ago. Yalah, I am not the most friendly person but at least I had shown my unconditional support for my own husband family mah. Where to find people like me wor, go and house four adults and two kids without thinking twice.

    The duri I think is I converted all my four sons to Christianity and between four of them sisters (ya, just my luck to have four SILs) they bitched that they are so afraid I am going to convert their brother (hubby) as well. I know when the four of them together, sure beh song me cos they dem belief in angkong. I got my spies lah….. Like doh, if I am not a Christian, I probably not so free fark them liao. I cincai because it is something that I would do for anyone, not just because they are my in-laws. And not because I want to ‘act good’for heaven but rather, it is a promptings from Jesus lah.

    I don’t mind doing wan, but I will be a hypocrite if I acted like it is the most rewarding thing to do. I do it willingly and will go out of my way as well. But that doesn’t mean I cannot get stressed lah. I asked if they want some thongsui like red bean soup (full of protein) but she said, Cannooootttt….later, the cancer cell too strong, medicine cannot work. Niamah, 2-3 tablespoon of hong tau sar also can fight cancer cell meh?

    Ok, all smoke released liao. :mrgreen:

  9. To all the rest – Thanks a lot for your concerns, kind words and for putting up with my ‘I want to do it, but I want to bitch, yet I feel bad about bitching and yet I want to do it’. I am glad I got a blog to rant.

    Terence – Niamah, you think this is a radio station kah? Can switch channel on will?

  10. waitaminit…she got 2 grandkids to jaga but both her 2 kids are overseas?? *pening* neber mind, no nid to xplain.

    no wonder so many reasons behind ur watafarking feelings, if i were u i oredi chi jor sin long time ago! of this long post i noticed most <<>> coz i really sipeh beh tahan this type of ppl. tokkok so much do urself la wei! ur patience and faith…nothing short of a superwoman. and hang in there coz i know ur BIL needs all the nourishment u can provide. honestly, i shudder at the thoughts of what the (less than knowledgeable?) wife will cook and feed him!!

  11. aik? still missing 1?? the komen box dun allow copy n paste izit? let me type out the missing quote — And his wife said, “Maybe he has taken too much ‘cooling’ foods.”

  12. where got someone looking BIL with some much care and kindness one…

    u only answer to 2 ppl…. tht will be The G O D and me…. think again, actually more than 2 leh… there’s yr husband, yr sons…. yr tua ko, zee ci, Sa Pek, Ci cek, ah cu ee, ah cium, ah kor, tua koo kong, Sa so, ah beng fr fishmonger fr market, ah hwa the florist, ah heng the butcher….

    just too many lah….

  13. tht’s why ‘ho lang kang kor cho’ (hard to be a good person), pai lang ci tua tui (bad person are abundant)

  14. Hang on there Lilian. Someone up there touches your heart to take care of him with a reason. Stay strong. I have this experience b4 but in other ways. U’ll have many ppl “chang” u one. At least u have me as No.1 Hehe.

    CYs last blog post..Recovering…almost.

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