I don’t care what people think of me with a post like this. Who cares lah, it is my life. I might as well jot this down and look back one day.
So here goes…
5.30 am – Azan subuh bergema. I woke up with a jolt. Went to sleep at 3 am. Then, I remembered that I was suppose to put the red beans in the slow cooker to boil overnight so that we can bring it to the hospital during the day.
5.45 am – Wattaheck, I won’t die with two and half hours sleep, will I? So, I crawled to the kitchen to wash the red beans and put it into the slow cooker. Didn’t even wear a spec so I am not sure if I had cooked some beetles as well. If I use hot boiling water, it will cook faster. So, I boiled 1 litre of hot water and stood there at the sink, waiting for the water to boil. Told myself I must be obsessed to go to this length for someone that really I do not care much. (not in a family or even brotherly kind of way) Or maybe I am possessed. Wateva. I have never done anything like this for my own sibling. Why do I do it for some in-law then? Maybe it is the Chinese thing, that a woman has more responsibilities towards the husband’s side? Then I think again, CHOY CHOY CHOY touch wood, I don’t ever want anything like this to happen to any of my own brothers and sisters. Because then, it will be even more killing as feelings are involved.
6.20 am – I am wide awake. There is mass at 7 am. It is the school holidays so there is no traffic. Prodded hubby and told him I am going to church. Hallelujah, Jesus, don’t be surprised to see me so early in the morning.
7 am – Father FA today talked about ‘why do we pray?’ (which also means why do we do good?). In the Gospel of Matthew, there is this young man who asked Jesus, ‘What do I need to do to get to heaven?’. And I asked myself, hey, why do I do all these? To get to heaven? Nope, certainly not. As far as I am concerned, my ticket is booked because my son is waiting for me there. To get people to say I am the bestest sis-out-law in the world? Definitely not. My eldest sis-in-law did phone me the other day, to chat a bit and to thank me for what I did for her youngest sis. I told her there is no need for thanks because I memang have time to do all these. Eldest sis-in-law is the only sis-in-law who can accepts that I am a Christian and she often praises Christians for their kind hearted works. She knew because I had gone out of my way to be with her own family during some grief. In fact, I was the only one who was there during Chinese New Year when they mourned as none of her own 3 sisters dare to go to a mourning family during CNY. So, why do I pray? I guess it is expected from me. Christ would want me to do that. I walked out of church, feeling smug, somewhat. I pray because I just feel like doing it. There is no udang di sebalik batu.
Before I receive the Body of Christ, I prayed “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the Word and I shall be healed.” and I hope You will also heal him and him and all who are in need of healings.
7.40 am – Got home and went back to sleep.
11 am – Woke up, panic. Late already! Must thaw pork, must thaw fish, must cook. But before that, I had one heck of another nightmare. I dreamt I was in church and there was this huge mass with lots of angmohs. I am on lector’s duty. But at the last minute, the church clerk told me they had changed the reading to something with Australian slang. Chisin mia kind of dream. Panic, I cannot pronounce some aborigine language. Duh, whoever dreams in such details? The writings all like taugehs. Thank God my real duty is not until the following week or else I sure p-i-m-p with nightmare like this.
12 noon – Food and red bean soup ready for delivery.
1 pm – Went to some office for some business stuffs. Things are looking good, that’s for sure.
2 pm – Shoppping. Bought two pairs of shoes, one blouse and one pants. Now, whatever happened from 5.45 am to 12 noon have been deleted. All forgotten. Bought a Balenciaga shoes that costs RM289 (less 70% – 10% lah, you think I print money ah?) and an orange blouse that will make me a member of Hindraf. Got Hindraf march, just call me. I got uniform already. Bought it because I look soooo fair in it.
4 pm – Driving home and I go ‘Faster, must cook dinner for hospital already!” My son said, “Aiyah, ma, you so peik cheik with all the schedule, might as well tell them you don’t want to do already lah.” I told him, “Cannot……they have no other option, the wife is in the hospital all day, who else has the time? So, do a bit and charn (whine) a lot never mind wan.”
5 pm – Dinner for ready for delivery. Hand picked tiger fish flesh. Bah, as if a fish name tiger fish can bite away the cancer, doh. But it is specially ordered from the fisherman so I kwai-kwai pick the flesh from the bones. Grumbled. I jaga anak also no need so yimchin. But rewind and remind myself, someone has to do it, so let it be me because there really is no one else.
Start another new day, another new rant. Life goes on and at least I am thankful he can still eats and I had secretly increase his portion from two tablespoons of alphabet pasta to three. I cheated with two drops of olive oil, dash of pepper and two drops of soya sauce or the fish totally taste bland. With all the drugs they are pumping in, what’s a little soy sauce, pepper and olive oil, huh?
29th May – That’s when the son will return with his girlfriend. Good Lord, give them strength to face the shock because I know it will kill me if it is me in their shoes, as the father who felt so helpless now or the son who must be so sad to see a father reduced to bones and lots of tubes, including a big pail of bloodied urine. It is not a bag but a plastic pail like the one you are washing clothes with.
Now, I feel better. Thank you for reading. And understanding why I need to write all these down. Or else I will need to spend even more buying more shoes and clothes and bags that I don’t need.
24 thoughts on “Total shiokness”
I don’t know if you realise, your rant has become the source of entertainment for ppl like me… keep it on..
I guess, it’ll make you feel better with some rantings sometimes…
Koks last blog post..Home Grown Mango
This is like the fundamental of blogging as we jot down what is happening in our lives.
Bryans last blog post..32GB USB Flash Drive On Sale!
wow…you are such a kind lady…:)
you can rant all you want here…..
fashionasias last blog post..[Wedding Planning Blog]
Total shiokness – My Selangor has banned that Hadhari nonsense… haha…. 😆
kopi- i tak faham kenapa u can say Hadhari itu nonsense.Hadhari itu secara amnya menyeru kita menuju kesederhanaan dan tidak extreme.
And Selangor tu bukan u yang punya tapi untuk semua rakyat yang cintakan Selangor.
😆 😀 😈 ❓
dunno which suits my response best… ahahahaha…..
zainal – Eh, let me remind you. This is my blog so you don’t have any rights to reply MY comments, ok? I have hired my own Pak Guard to jaga for me, so please bugger off?
kopi – Doh….you smell any wet blankets around?
hehehehe…. the blanket smells like it’s still got the sheep still attached to it even..
Was skimming thru. For a moment i thought u were talking about ur… choi choi choi. ptui. ok no worries now.
CJs last blog post..Scream
You called? Boss, want me to kautim him ar?
Anyway, what you are doing now, the ‘taikor’ can see one. You shall be rewarded accordingly. Amen.
Zainal – Want to rant? Register a blog and rant all you want. Thank you.
Kopi – Not nice calling Hadhari nonsense also. They have their vision and projection too like everyone else. This particular post did not touch on Hadhari. Thank you.
As a Muslim, it is to me but I do apologize.. u’re right.. it didn’t touch on Hadhari… just my interpretation of what total shiokness is…
Pak guard ah, you mau potong gaji kah? Yesterday this Z guy ka-ka-cau-cau about me dissing Rais Yatim. Today, patronise my blog lagi. Mana you punya goblok?
i like the way you blog lilian ahyi ^^
kidkiller87s last blog post..Chicken Porridge @ Ming Tian
Aiyo, boss. My Finance Minister celebrated 91st birthday lah. Emergency leave can?
Small fry lah that one. Must let some commentators thru for balance, if not after like cult blog lah. Bwahahaha!!! Not goblok lah, GLOCK!! Niamah!!!
lilian, encik z nie mana tau erti selimut basah dalam inggeris? u kena bloq dalam BM to specially diss him lar
😯 u cook so fast wan ar?
Ahh…there’s nothing like shopping therapy eh? 😛
Foongs last blog post..I told you so
Tiger fish? just buy baby shark lor, better! no bones some more.
i feel you. My MIL stayed with her husband (major stroke ie so call vegetative state) in the nursing home from 9-7pm, 7 days a wk for 8 months until he died (am not exaggerating even one bit). Many changes had to take place at home during tht time because of her insistence in spending long hr in NH.
your 2 drops of olive oil reminds me of 1 thing. MIL used to deep fried stuffs using olive oil. I nearly pengsan!
Lilian, u r genuinely a person with huge generosity. I admire you.
5xmom… not only you’re a cool mama, but you’re also an extremely kind one! I admire your take in this matter! To be selfless like that is no easy feat! At the risk of sounding ‘stale’, if only the world has more people like you!
correns last blog post..Withdrawal Syndrome
corren – Tenkiu
JT – I think what freaks me is the schedule, that’s why I get so many nightmares on running off schedule.
Foong – I never mention, in between, I also cook the family meals wor. I only need max 40 mins to prepare a meal of 3 dishes and rice.
sooi2 – He manyak senang hor? Hovering around.
terence – Yahor, send my wishes for her lah, make sure you collect an angpow for me too.
kidkiller87 – Wuah, you call me ahyi, I thot u my nephew. I check check your blog only realise not the real nephew.
Hi, I think what you are doing for your brother in law is indeed worthy of honour and emulation. I have taken care of family members in hospital before and I know how great it is to have people supporting not only the patient but also the caretaker.
Hey again Lilian,
Oh my gosh, your so nice n selfless! I personally think I’m not one to ask God to bless you (but I really do want him to!!!) hoping all the best for yourself and your family 🙂
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