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Dear Five-eks-ma (Dear Thelma-wannabe)

Ping Ping asked five-eks-ma a question.

Aunt Agony, why some guys can forget a girl in let’s say….3 months and have another one but girls are less likely to do the same? Since u ask for question… =P

First of all, you must forget that I got plenty of sons, ok? Just pretend that I am this formless, imaginary, exists only in cyberspace five-eks-ma, not the brogger you know with four sons, ok? ‘Cos what I am going to share with you, is a betrayal wor. Later, they cannot find girlfriends, how? Aha, never mind, then, let them be priests, I no need to headache over daughter-in-laws.

Ping Ping ah, I see that you are still in school. So, you see you are at that age when boys are like toilets. (just learnt this joke from my 12 years old who got it from the internet)

Boys are like toilets. They are either taken or they are full of shits. Serious.

They are not worth our time, our tears or our ‘I miss him so much can die’ feelings wan. Really wan, don’t waste time. You know why ah? Here, in front of you, they sweet talk, behind hor, when they meet up with their friends or play online games, they totally forget all about you already. And then, they will be probably chatting up 10 other girls online while they chat with you. (Huh, why I know so much wan? Don’t ask lah!)

Then, 10 out of 10 boys are only interested in one thing. Sex. But if they are too young, then, they are only interested in conquest. To show off to their friends they win. All males have these built-in instinct in them.

So, if I ever have a daughter, which I won’t ever, I will tell them the same thing. Boys are full of shits. Don’t depend too much on them. Waste time only.

But if you think, they improve with age, nay….all men are also full of shits. Same thing. They are only interested in one thing. Yeah, that’s right, sex.

And if they are even older, they probably need to settle down and maybe, just maybe, they will settle down and live happily ever after. Yet, they can still be full of shits, and fart, and burps and scratch balls, dig nose, etc etc. See? They never evolve, only grow taller and longer.

So, if you are seriously looking for a great relationship with a man/male/boy/guy, you will probably have better luck in finding soulmates. The kind where sex is not part of the package. Once you can get cosy with a guy on a buddy-buddy level, you will realise they are so much more entertaining, wiser, cooler, smarter, arm-luener (crush), man, funnier, attentive, comforting than the one who provides the sex.

Therefore, in conclusion, men/males are only useful/interesting/wateva when they are not ours. (don’t mistaken this with cheating, ok? It simply means, friends are better than serious bf/gf type of relationship) Which brings us to the world never-ending problems….the same cycle of break-ups, finding new love, break-ups, finding new love, break-ups, finding new love….. So, girls, get used to it. Life’s like that. It sucks cos boys are full of shits. Bwahaha…..with luck, some lucky gals do find Mr. Rights.

Anymore questions for five-eks-ma? Free wan. Better than Dear Thelma because you don’t need to wait till Sunday.




25 Responses to “Dear Five-eks-ma (Dear Thelma-wannabe)”

  1. Wah, so revealing, five-eks-ma. I have to clarify lah.. you mean to have great relationships, the guy must never be yours. Dadmeans so many people in world already married.. all must be not happy?? All the relationship must be suxx?

    Then nobody wan get married, how?? If my ma and pa no get married, I wouldn’t be here posting comment and supporting your blog? How ar?

  2. Hoi. Guys, stand up for your own kind!

    ChanRaymonds last blog post..Where Do You Sit in Class/Seminar?

  3. Wuah! More entertaining than that Thelma.

    Eh! Go read the result of the current poll lah. Bwahahaha!!!

    Ping Ping – Come come, Uncle Terence take you go see goldfish. Bwahahaha!!!

  4. finding a soulmate of opposite sex is possible, i did! but i didnt marry her. (long story lah). Many assume best friends are soulmates, they are not the same.

    contrary to what majority agrees on, i swear sex wasnt the first thing on my mind all those years ago, I was too naive and was ord brainwashed by my parents lah (now time tak sama lah). I was more like thinking when i could go home and play bah-ku-li.

    but kids now have just 1 thing in his mind, u r right, lilian…. S E X. if i am wrong… i will potong my burung.

  5. crap! I am surrounded by sex-crazed beings…. 😆 I have three brothers and I now live with two males (my husband and son)…die lor, I think I married my soulmate wor, how ar?

    Foongs last blog post..I told you so

  6. Foong – True wan mah..Hor? Hor? Hor?

    JT – Celaka, your cut off burung image so geli! I watched the movie Little Children about this repeated sex offender who finally cut off his own burung when his mom died and he said to the ex-police, while he was sitting on the children’s swing… “I promise to be good…” Then, pengsan with all the blood.

    JT – You also know the difference hor? Soulmate is the kind you can crap anything and yet, don’t feel worry or betrayal.

    terence – Cilaka, you hack my results again? Niamah.

    raymond – All cabut lari liao, cos it is so true mah.

    dan – Aiks, I confuse myself. What I mean is – when you have a relationship that involve sex, you will end up with a lot of problems wan. When it is more a relationship that is platonic, soul-matey kind, then, it is a lot less hassle and yet, provides many other positive sides that you won’t get from a sex kind? Aiks, boleh faham kah?

    I am not advocating everyone go find a soulmate lah. Either you are lucky enough to have a few or you won’t find lah.

    I also never put a total ban on sex lah, woi! :mrgreen:

  7. Are we considered soul mates ar? But Ron Jeremy wor. Bwahahaha!!! Joking ar! *flashes mohor diraja* :mrgreen:

  8. no wonder I smell so much!

    Wuchings last blog post..Stupid things I’ve done; Case # 5624

  9. they’re full of shits alright! wahahhahha

    then again it depends on wut type of shits =P

    hueis last blog post..How’s Malaysia?

  10. i sure like your advice ! Next time my 2 girls grow up, i show them this post. Wait, lemme print it out to keep first

    allthingspurples last blog post..Ashley the ballerina-to-be

  11. okay…now this is new…I’ve never thought of it that way. IS it also because of this that nowadays there are more lesbians and tomboys?? Cause guys are full of shit and girls decided that shud go for their own gender? 😯

    Like that in future there’ll be lots of “guys” pregnant la, of course by going to the sperm bank. Bwahahahah..Eh, you are doing a damn good job in this Thelma thingie. =P I bet Thelma won’t say things like this lor. Cause muz jaga language ma.

    Ping Pings last blog post..It sucks to be a headmistress

  12. I am considering getting myself a gun license to protect my two girls from these little toilets out there.

    pablopablas last blog post..The Threat of the White Blouse

  13. Some are good toilets like the KLCC one! :mrgreen:

  14. bryan – But they are rare and you have to pay a high price. :mrgreen:

    pablo – Wuah, scary father-in-law in the making.

    ping ping – That could be a factor ‘cos people looks for love at the wrong place.

    allthingspurple – I really think it is harder to bring up girls than boys. With boys, we need to teach and we know they cannot go very far off. With girls, we have to teach, guide and be there for all their broken hearts. Gee, lucky I don’t have daughters. I am very bad in this department.

    huei – Hahaha, mostly, but there are few nice ones. But by the time we find one, we are already smeared with shits. :mrgreen:

    wuching – Where got lah, you are so perfect for Terese wor, somemore so macho for me wor.

    terence – You teach me the term wan, cilaka, you forget? AND STOP bringing Ron image into my mind, ok?

  15. lilian,
    kanineh leh dont be so graphic lah. i was having a nice man tau when i saw yr reply. nearly vomit!
    u hav put me off man tau forever…. aaarrr

  16. omigosh fai-eks-ma you rock! Honestly, just what I needed when I’m feeling like sai now.. I feel so enlightened and I feel like I can go become the next female president or something. Babe power! =D

    I hope you keep up the fai-eks-ma columns, I really love reading it because it empowers me as a woman (or girl? cue britney spears song!) and as a learning Catholic =)

    *hugs + kisses + sniffles*

  17. mae – :mrgreen: Think Martin Jalleh should call me to talk during the next Confirmation Camp? Hehehe. If you see me in church, remember to say hi, ok? Cos I tend to forget a face, sometimes.

    JT – At least you are not munching on hot dog with lots of ketchup, dribbling down….

  18. ei mom, have been wondering for sometime. Does your hubby read your blog wan? Wonder what he thinks?

  19. ultra – Exactly what are you trying to kepoh ah? I give you chance to write a full para to ask.

  20. freaking good post! boys are indeed full of shits! lol

    Robbs last blog post..A Few More Days to First Pay Cheque

  21. Bukan kepoh lah makcik. I mean you taroh all men like that, sure hubby must feel something. People in church might be wondering he must have been a terrible fella – causing his wife to blast men like that. Betul tak?

  22. ultra – kanasai, what bisness is it of yours what people in church think? Jaga your own tepi kain, ok?

  23. ok ok ok. you said bagi chance to write full para mah! actually, gua more interested what your hubby thinks of opinion, given what you’ve written. Anyway, don’t forget you classified this section under humor, ok?

  24. […] what I would say follies of youths. Girls easily get the fuzzy ideas that having sex equals love. Guys just want to do it because they are full of shits. Parents have to accept this universal truth and deal with it with a more open mind and forgiving […]

  25. You results are dam biased. Get your facts right before making all these comments. Just because all the guys in your life are dicks, others out there aren’t. Not all guys are so sex crazed. Perhaps you are the one at fault, for protraying yourslef in a way which attracts dicks, and somehow you like it cuase you have the “power”, and hiding behind the computer and saying guys are full of shit. If guys are so full of shit, why are you married? Simple.