The person-less person

*another women only thoughts*

I coined this person-less image yesterday while I was crapping about some other things. It is a nice description. Maybe there are many experts and authors who have written volumes of books on this but still, it is worth pondering over.

You know, when you attend a church, you are looking at a community of people. The beautiful thing is this community normally grow older, change but they go back to the same place. So, you can see their progress. For example, the babies in our arms are now the boisterous kids terrorising the empty stage and soon, they will be the vibrant youths, then married adults and eventually old men/women.

I am the adorable little woman who has adoring aunties in their 60s, 70s and 80s who adore me. I cannot help it because I am that loveable. Hahaha. So, sometimes, I sat there at a corner and I see all the women……It is like seeing your life played out in front of you. I am not sure what other people go to church for but I go to church and get all these ideas back.

I am looking at some pretty lonely, sad women. Then, there are those who are feisty and they dressed to the hilt. I am blessed I have one personal guide who is twice my age and she taught me a lot of kick-ass ideas on living. I love you, Auntie S! Sometimes, the women in their 60s look a lot older than those in their 70s and 80s.

For a women, that is a scary thought, eh? You could lose 20 years of your life if you don’t take care of yourself. By taking care, I am not talking about the trucks of ICI paint and cement to pour on your face or the tempe and botox you can afford. It is much more than that.

That’s where this person-less person comes in. I notice many women bloggers are so focussed on their little kids. It is a bore reading mommies’ blogs, really. They are going to hate me for saying this but I am saying it anyway. No doubt their blogs do not represent their complete life, it is still a big chunk of life they put on there.

It is rather dangerous for us women to slip into this person-less person role. You know what is that? If you strip away your role as a mother, wife, daughter, worker and maybe community member, you are nobody. Many years from now, you will probably realised that there is no soul left in that body of yours.

When let’s say your husband has passed on or found a China doll, your kids have lives of their own and you are retired, you will be left with nothing. Zilch. Nothing. Zero. Kosong. Kaynui. I know I don’t want to be like that. That’s why I have so much fire in me to cuss when I feel like it, I criticise when my instinct bugs me, I scold when I am angry, I praise God when I feel blessed, I don’t give a fuck when I know I am not perfect and I am just being me.

The me when I was 17 or 27 or 37 or 47 or even 87. I want to make sure that 10 years from now or even 40 years from now, I still make silly demands or cuss under my breath. BTW, last night, I whispered to my 16 yrs old kid, “Hey come here, you see that lau yee over there? Kaninehmacibai, you know what she asked me once? She asked me if Matthew is my grandson! I tell you, I feel like asking her if she got a mirror. She is freaking old and she thought I am as old as her ‘cos her grand kid is the same age as Matthew. Arrggghh….I hate her, let’s burn her unit down.”

Then, later on, in McDonald’s play area, there was this obese, annoying kid who keeps tripping my little boy. He openly kicked Matthew several times. The mother was sitting there telling him off in the kind of half-hearted way. So, I called my 12 years old, and whispered, “Come here, secretly tell Matthew if the fat kid trip him one more time, ask Matthew to kick his fat ass.” Yayaya, I know it is bad moral to teach your kid to hit back. But I have a house rules for all my sons. They can hit back if someone is larger or male hit them first. It is only hands off on girls or anyone smaller in size or anyone’s groin. It works, so far. Life is like that. Don’t get short changed.

At the end of it, if St. Peter stop my visa and tell me, I took the wrong train, so be it. I had tried.

P/S : My hubby just told me that my relative’s kidney has stopped bleeding. I told hubby, “I am going to claim some credit for this positive sign. My Jesus and His shadow kungfu really super cun, ok?”

Lastly, I think this is the most wonderful peace I have discovered in a long time. Peace is bullshit until you stop seeking it. It is as simple as leaving your hangups and be true to yourself in a kosher way. So, women, remember to stay rooted to your individualism and never give all away because at the end of it, it is too late when you discovered you have nothing left.

Damn…am I good or what?