Get Adobe Flash player


Morphine tales

I don’t know where to begin. So, let me tell you about the three vials of morphine, 5mg/5ml stored in the drawer. Apparently, the patient gets a ‘high’ when on morphine and he talked a lot stuffs. The wife feel it is not doing him any good. When I was there, he said about some pains but it is not the excruciating type of pain. Hence, three vials of morphine, unconsumed, hidden in the drawer.

Today, I don’t need to cook because the patient is not eating. He was referred to a shrink, in-house. The shrink asked him not to ‘susah hati’. I got there when he was finished with the shrink. He was in half-slumber, not recognising the friends who visited him.

Before the friends arrived, I stole a few moments to talk to him. I guess my hubby and his sister didn’t quite hear what I blabbered because they were talking as well. I pulled up a chair, sat next to his bedside and put my hand on his upper arms. This is the first time I have any contact with him. I could hold any old men/stranger etc but I do not know how to approach him earlier. I told him what popped into my mouth. I told him that he cannot keep everything, fears, worries, anger, frustrations inside him. I told him we know he is in very difficult position but I said he must not give up, still got hope (oo hee bang). If he is in pain, the doctor has every medicines to help him. (that was before I knew about the hidden morphine) I reminded him that the bleeding in his kidney has stopped and now, he has less things to worry.

I asked him, “Do you believe in ang-kong?” (deities/ancestors) He told me he does. I told him he must always ask them to bless him (poh pi?). I also tell him that I am praying to Yehsou for him. I feel it is only right I tell him what I am doing.

I reminded him that he must make an effort to chew and swallow and eat or else he will need a feeding tube put through his nose into his stomach.

His buddies arrived. My two brothers-in-law came too. (hubby’s older brothers) He couldn’t recognise them and he was mumbling away. Initially, I thought he was under sedation. (this was before I knew about the morphine)

His buddies joked with him about going to Genting, where he will get a VIP table. They brought him coconut because he likes coconut water.

The doctor did suggest he goes home. But it will be difficult for the family because they cannot handle him as right now, there is only the wife. The son will be back tomorrow. The %$#@*&^!!!! dotter still never indicate when she will want to forget about money and come home. Let’s not waste my headaches on her.

Things can only get worse. What will happen in the next few days? I don’t know. I can only offer my prayers. I am now free, no need to cook. So, I went to cut and dye my hair.

My hairdresser asked me if I blow my hair. She said if I blow dry, it will be less curly. I laughed so hard. “BLOW? I NEVER EVEN NEED TO COMB IT BECAUSE WHAT’S THE POINT? IT WILL BE CURLY AGAIN.” She doesn’t believe me. She gave me a blow job hahaha, but by the time I walked across the road and up my apartment, my hair is curly again. Why waste time on inane stuffs like blow jobs, huh?

Oh ya, I had one of those ‘encounter’ while I was there when I was in the hospital. I have this funny sixth sense when someone I know is very sick or in danger. I get a short dizzy spell and it is like a message. Once, when someone was dying of suicide, I ‘feel’ it. Another time, when someone was in coma, I ‘feel’ it too. A friend of mine also can feel such vision. It is like a cry for help. I had that kind of senses when my kids are in danger. (that will be another story) You suddenly think of the person. I was sitting by his bedside while his friends, my BILs and hubby were joking. He was half dozing. I got a short dizzy spell, like a cry for help from someone. I recognise this sort of ‘feel’. There isn’t much time left and all I can do is to keep praying for his comfort. Let there be less pain. I will send all the vibes I can for him. Please do it for me too? (P/S : My hubby doesn’t know about my ‘special ability’ and will probably say I think too much or I am a crazy Christian. So, if you think the same, it is fine with me too.)




21 Responses to “Morphine tales”

  1. wow!!! 1st 2 leave a comment!! well… i’ll pray 4 him too. but… d patient himself muz hv d will 2 get better if not even yehsou, o mi thor hud oso can help him. u say rite bo ?

  2. i once read tat 2 b cured, doctor can help wif 40% and 60% comes from d patient himself. try putting mr bean show or any comedy show 4 him 2 watch. aint laughing d best medicine ?

  3. Thanks…that got me outta my depression real fast! 😳
    trex is rite. The patient must have the will to want to be better or else all the prayers in the world and all the Gods in heaven will not be able to help him.
    anyway, will spare him my prayers too…

    Foongs last blog post..Reading the news makes me fat

  4. foong – Wuah, like dis I must charge you consultation fee?

    trex – I see it coming because once people is depressed, it is very hard to pull them out of it. I wish it is as easy as watching Mr. Bean. But the hospital is an open ward with 10-15 people in each section, no air cond, no TV, only basic stuffs lah. He refused to sit, eat and just keep going down, down, down.

  5. 1.The nurses should NOT keep the morphine in pt’s drawer, that’s for sure.

    2.When the pt start to not recognising people (ie altered consciousness), you should inform the Dr in charge immediately. morphine might be a cause, but u need to rule out electrolytes imbalance, metastasis to brain and other organic causes

  6. suatengboy – Actually……the nurses and doctors didn’t know about the hidden morphine. I wish I have a say in it but apparently, the closest family member thinks she knows better so who am I to argue. Their theory is better he feels some pain and be alert (DOH) than be talking nonscense. I am the kind who will get ahead of the doctors’ diagnosis and know what to expect, whereas right now, I do not even know what is going on because they never ask. I suspect the cancer has spread too, as to his lungs. But they say they don’t know. Over in the hospital, there is no doctor around when we visit and the oncologist hardly comes by because I think they are giving him only palliative care. That’s why I am super frus to see his condition dipping day by day. If I don’t see him for one day, I can notice the drastic dip on the next day. I don’t see much time left and asked if they want to go home (because the doctor said they can) and I will arrange hospice to visit them. Also not receptive.

  7. What tore me apart during my younger sister death from cancer was the constant assurance that miracle could happen. I blamed myself for not having enough faith. Cancer tears both the patient and family apart emotionally. Whether miracle comes or not…it is more important that you believe that there is also better life after death. What you are doing for him is better than miracle in the eyes of God. It is good testimony for friends, children, hubby, relatives, nurses, etc. Just let him be comfortable, even if the solution is giving morphine. And when the time comes, have to let go and don’t hang on. Hope I don’t sound too cruel. 🙂

  8. When my aunt diagnosed with 4th stage of breast cancer last year, she totally didn’t fight for a miracle..she became too depressed and passed away 1 month ++ after she got to know of the cancer.
    About your relative, Once he lost hope of his life, it is very dificult to fight for his life already. Whatever happend, i will include him in my prayer.

    KaDusMamas last blog post..Farking Scary Maggot!!

  9. Same Me – For him, I don’t expect miracle anymore. I just hope he has ‘the afterworld’ that he feels safe in going. He is very disorientated so I couldn’t ask further. I personally think it is important for him to express what he thinks he will ‘go next’ instead of pretending that death is not part of the story. I won’t impose on him my ideal image of the next world but just want to give him that reason to talk to reduce the fears. However, you know lah, the family is full of pantang and I dare not even utter the ‘die’ word. Still, I hope he finds someone he can confide in. It is only when he can face the imminent death, then only he can find the courage to pull through the next day and the next and the next. Otherwise, the unknowned and unexpressed fears and worries will eat up his whole being. Teruk, I am worse than the psychologist! Hahaha. :mrgreen:

  10. Hi Lilian,

    I have been following your postings and have also been praying for your relative & family.

    I pray that the Lord will ease his pain & sufferings. I also hope his daughter will come home in time.

    God Bless and Take Care.

  11. Li Li – Thanks a lot and hope your are doing great!

  12. YAY! 12th. Niamah!!!

    We cerita in MSN lah. After ppl flame me for my opinions. See ya!!!

  13. I read somewhere that liver cancer is the most painful type of all cancers. Usually, a person is given 6 mths to a year after diagnosed.
    I think it is most important to keep the patient comfortable and painless and to lighten his worries..but like you said, he needs someone to talk to.
    On the plus side, at least he will get to see his son soon. My prayers for you and your family during these trying times Lilian.

  14. liver cancer is the most painful? all cancers are inevitably. Can one pick n choose which one to have?

    very kesian lah.

    morphine shouldnt be left lying around anywhere. the nurse either use or put it back. This potentially can lead to abuse. Lilian, if i were you, pls let the matron know abt this.

    hey, just a tot, why not gather everyone on the ward and put the mr. bean show (if the nurses/loctors not object lah)

  15. JT – I want to smuggle out and sell, can ah? How much should I charge per vial ah? :mrgreen: I also confused lah. Last time, in the private hospital and in the PICU in UM, they need two nurses to approve the dispense of morphine and such (my son addicted to it) but here, simply bagi. I am only a visitor only, the nurse also kasi, without asking.

    Anyway….I dare not say anything lah. I told the wife, ‘Your husband said pain, you sure don’t want to give him?” She said, “Aiyah..you don’t talk to him about pain, then, he won’t remember to charn (whine). Later I massage a bit, let him sleep.” *strangles self with stereoscope stolen from the doctor) That’s why I so frus hari-hari. I am dealing with some imbeciles (the caregiver and the kepohchis caregivers from the other beds) and I am like mute stung by bee.

  16. lilian,

    sabar…follow me…1..2…3…deep breath…… HOLD IT… .HOL…D…3..2…1..now…breathe…out…1..2..3… siok bo?

    sell? u got contact or not? i no hav lah… so susah sikit. may be terence bro has…can ask ah?

    the amount of morphine one takes for pain in hospital very rarely leads to addiction one lah, don believe… ask tht siu char bor with funny hair n see? yr son got withdrawal symptoms ah?

    kanineh, I wonder if the nurse has other motives for letting the wife to keep the morphine? know what i mean? r they short of beds?

    one of the saddest things abt medical practice in m’sia is the lack of palliative care specialist because ha… such speciality doesnt earn big money. earn only 1 time then client kaput, unlike heart specialist ah… always say ‘come back next month, i check heart n see..’ then next month , the next month.. we’re like walking ATM machine!

  17. Hv been following your posts on your relatives. Cheers to you for doing every little bit that you can to help and also how you have to carefully deal with all the issues involved given the family’s mindset.

    It is sad to hear of him being in pain and the family rejecting the pain treatment prescribed. To an extent, I feel it is cruel. Curi-curi ask the matron to accidentally open the drawer to see for herself the hidden vials.

    I will keep him in my prayers.

  18. Sad though it may seem, my mom was admitted drugs too to ward off the pain before the end. I think it gave her some comfort from the pain, so I guess its not so bad really.

    mumsgathers last blog post..Rats!

  19. MG – LOL, strange in-laws I have. Boh pien.

    wmd – Thanks a lot. It is comforting to share with you all ‘cos I know your prayers will help me as well. Hahaha, help me from ranting too much.

  20. JT – Terence is the drug kingpin. Don’t play-play.

    My son WAS immune to most drugs. No sedation can knock him off as well.

    Malaysia permanently is short of health staffs and short of beds and short of supporting staffs to help the terminal patients.

    Palliative care? I don’t even think we have any such people. I would expect counsellors and people who are trained to help but forget it lah. Even in the PICU, I also groped around but at least I am pushy and get the attention of the doctors (or maybe because I am damn charming so he gives special attention :mrgreen: ) That’s why I wrote a book on how to copy with terminal and critically ill children. Oh, you didn’t know that? Yes, I do have a book, self-sponsored.

  21. Hey, have been reading about your relative. All I can say is i’m very sorry to hear it, and i sincerely hope he gets better. But I’m sure you’re doing everything by your means as well, heck you even go out of your way! Hope all goes well 🙂