I don’t know where to begin. So, let me tell you about the three vials of morphine, 5mg/5ml stored in the drawer. Apparently, the patient gets a ‘high’ when on morphine and he talked a lot stuffs. The wife feel it is not doing him any good. When I was there, he said about some pains but it is not the excruciating type of pain. Hence, three vials of morphine, unconsumed, hidden in the drawer.

Today, I don’t need to cook because the patient is not eating. He was referred to a shrink, in-house. The shrink asked him not to ‘susah hati’. I got there when he was finished with the shrink. He was in half-slumber, not recognising the friends who visited him.

Before the friends arrived, I stole a few moments to talk to him. I guess my hubby and his sister didn’t quite hear what I blabbered because they were talking as well. I pulled up a chair, sat next to his bedside and put my hand on his upper arms. This is the first time I have any contact with him. I could hold any old men/stranger etc but I do not know how to approach him earlier. I told him what popped into my mouth. I told him that he cannot keep everything, fears, worries, anger, frustrations inside him. I told him we know he is in very difficult position but I said he must not give up, still got hope (oo hee bang). If he is in pain, the doctor has every medicines to help him. (that was before I knew about the hidden morphine) I reminded him that the bleeding in his kidney has stopped and now, he has less things to worry.

I asked him, “Do you believe in ang-kong?” (deities/ancestors) He told me he does. I told him he must always ask them to bless him (poh pi?). I also tell him that I am praying to Yehsou for him. I feel it is only right I tell him what I am doing.

I reminded him that he must make an effort to chew and swallow and eat or else he will need a feeding tube put through his nose into his stomach.

His buddies arrived. My two brothers-in-law came too. (hubby’s older brothers) He couldn’t recognise them and he was mumbling away. Initially, I thought he was under sedation. (this was before I knew about the morphine)

His buddies joked with him about going to Genting, where he will get a VIP table. They brought him coconut because he likes coconut water.

The doctor did suggest he goes home. But it will be difficult for the family because they cannot handle him as right now, there is only the wife. The son will be back tomorrow. The %$#@*&^!!!! dotter still never indicate when she will want to forget about money and come home. Let’s not waste my headaches on her.

Things can only get worse. What will happen in the next few days? I don’t know. I can only offer my prayers. I am now free, no need to cook. So, I went to cut and dye my hair.

My hairdresser asked me if I blow my hair. She said if I blow dry, it will be less curly. I laughed so hard. “BLOW? I NEVER EVEN NEED TO COMB IT BECAUSE WHAT’S THE POINT? IT WILL BE CURLY AGAIN.” She doesn’t believe me. She gave me a blow job hahaha, but by the time I walked across the road and up my apartment, my hair is curly again. Why waste time on inane stuffs like blow jobs, huh?

Oh ya, I had one of those ‘encounter’ while I was there when I was in the hospital. I have this funny sixth sense when someone I know is very sick or in danger. I get a short dizzy spell and it is like a message. Once, when someone was dying of suicide, I ‘feel’ it. Another time, when someone was in coma, I ‘feel’ it too. A friend of mine also can feel such vision. It is like a cry for help. I had that kind of senses when my kids are in danger. (that will be another story) You suddenly think of the person. I was sitting by his bedside while his friends, my BILs and hubby were joking. He was half dozing. I got a short dizzy spell, like a cry for help from someone. I recognise this sort of ‘feel’. There isn’t much time left and all I can do is to keep praying for his comfort. Let there be less pain. I will send all the vibes I can for him. Please do it for me too? (P/S : My hubby doesn’t know about my ‘special ability’ and will probably say I think too much or I am a crazy Christian. So, if you think the same, it is fine with me too.)