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What if you are pregnant, a teen and not married?

The other day when I was among the river of humans at the MRT station in Suntec City Singapore, I caught a glimpse of a billboard. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough time to take a picture of it. I like what I saw because it is an organisation that helps teens who are pregnant.

Though I do not condone premarital sex (because I am a parent and it is my duty to say so LOL) , I guess getting pregnant, having unprotected sex and getting sexually transmitted diseases are what I would say follies of youths. Girls easily get the fuzzy ideas that having sex equals love. Guys just want to do it because they are full of shits. Parents have to accept this universal truth and deal with it with a more open mind and forgiving heart.

On the billboard, I remember the organisation provides counselling, shelter, adoption help and more. I wish our country will be as open about this so that we do not see so many babies born and thrown into drains and rubbish dumps.

In my blogging years, I have at least three girls (all strangers and no longer in contact with me) who were in that dilemma. One of them was already working and my advice to her to tell her parents and get married eventually resulted in a baby born in a loving home with happy grandparents. The others, I didn’t know the outcome.

Usually, my standard advices would be :

1) Tell your parents, regardless how you think they will react. There may be lots of tears and anger but all parents are forgiving and will find solutions and help you out.

2) If they cannot accept it, find a shelter home and carry on with the pregnancy and in the meantime, decide if you want to give the baby a loving home, as in adoption.

3) Abortion is never the answer. Usually, the girls were already in late pregnancy, i.e. 2nd trimester and it is illegal to abort. The process could kill them and the baby. I am against abortion for the simple reason that I see each pregnancy as a human. I had given birth to a 28 weeks baby and that is a person to me. I have seen other women given birth to 24 weekers and these are little babies who grew up to be kids. My standard solution is to give the pregnant girl a glimpse of how big her baby is. I had done it to my relative who intended to abort a 25 weeker. I showed her the human baby from my pregnancy book. That changed her mind.

4) Even in early pregnancy, if one choose to abort for the sake of solving the problem, I still am pretty skeptical. The process itself, of having been pregnant and aborting it is enough to laden the girl with guilt for the rest of her life. So, my option is to carry through and face her own folly with courage. Pregnant + abortion = two wrongs. Pregnant + give birth and give baby away for adoption = One beautiful baby. Then again, no one has to agree or disagree with me because I was never in the girl’s shoe so I cannot decide for them.

Ultimately, you know where the problem lies? The parents, the unforgiving society, the kepochis. So, girls, if you ever screwed and got pregnant, remember that it is not the end of the world. Just take it as a hiccup in life because you will one day become much wiser and much more enriched by it.

For example, if you are pregnant and the boy gone AWOL aka disappeared. You think you can abort and get on with life. In future, when you find a man suitable for you, do you think you can live with the guilt of not telling him that you once aborted a baby? So, it is better to own up beforehand that you were a single mom before and pray that one day, a man will love you for what you are. Trust God. God is very forgiving, much more forgiving than us.

Ultimately, I hope girls who get themselves pregnant with unwanted pregnancies will never have to journey alone, hiding their pregnancies and eventually, dispose off the baby to die in a drain. That is murder. And those of us who are so judgemental, religious righteous, condemning pregnancies out of wedlock are partners in the murders.

P/S : I just remember that I have a relative who committed suicide back in the 70s because I heard from the gossipy aunties that she was pregnant but dare not tell the parents. She died by hanging. Her father was so grieved with the death of his only child, he got very ill and died too. Later on, gossipy aunties said that the area around Federal theatre was haunted by this girl. Hehehe. I was very young back, so she is probably in her 50s now. RIP, cousin.




14 Responses to “What if you are pregnant, a teen and not married?”

  1. It is a scary thought now that I have a daughter. My daughter is very close to me and I cannot see myself let harm come her way.
    So, education is the best policy, as I always teaches her the do’s and don’t even she is only 7yrs. Her best weapon in today’s world is to equip her with wisdom and lot’s of love….
    I think we in Malaysia also have something like what you saw in Singapore but I think not much effort been put to promote it….

  2. lilian ahyi, i damn agree with your 1st advice.. no wonder what will happen in the end..must let parents know and think the way to settle.. parents love their child.. they wont let their child stay alone..
    I have a very far relative got the same thing happen..he is same age with me and he is daddy now already..but no contact long time d..
    still..wish him happy with his wife and child πŸ˜€

  3. beautiful piece i’d say πŸ™‚ hmm this changes my mind a lil on how i view getting pregnant at young age…

    Sharons last blog post..Blogging overdose

  4. if I have 10 pair of hands and feet… I will raise them all up in agreement!!!

    I am of the opinion that the rising number of abandon babies (sometimes dead) are the result of too many hypocrites living among us!!

    I say give every life a chance!! Who is to say that a child born out of wed-lock cannot grow up to be a great person?

  5. sex education..sex education….sex education…

    also, how many of those who engages in underage sex gets put behind bars in boleh-land? i say potong kukubird better than jail.

  6. ……tru life experience has taught me that family support is the most important thing that a person who is caught in the situation needs. U can cry, scream, shout all u like … but at the end of the day, they are still ur sons and dotters …very sticky situation to be in ..but life can be as such ..we can educate, guide, teach and advise .. but they are very much open to the challenges out in the open ..peer pressure and what not … scary … Anyway Lil, surprise surprise ..Amira will be expecting a sibling early next year…..Alhamdulillah! A bit smarter this time around …din have to wait for 32 wks to know .. *grinning*

  7. It is sad that having children before marriage.

    When children grown up, parent should always “ready for surprise”. Calm and tackle every problem that happened in the society. premarital sex is a common problem among youth. Parent should not be surprise if tell them they got child.

    Be open minded when things didn’t turn out probably.

  8. Girls fall into the love delusion very easily. But I’m not saying guys don’t. They do, but rare.

    If they want to do it, at least take some safety measures ma… 😎

    kyhs last blog post..Abodes where angels dwell

  9. I was an “accident” that happened forty years ago. I thank God that i was adopted by a loving couple. Sometimes i wonder how my biological parents are doing, especially my birth mother. If i ever do get to meet her, i want to thank her for her courage to carry on the pregnancy. I wouldn’t be existing if not for that! Today i’m happily married with a child. Am also hoping that i make a positive difference to those around me.
    For those who find themselves in the situation described, do the right thing and trust God. Your child will be a blessing.
    I read that there is going to be a review of the adoption act. Looking forward to see how that turns out!

  10. ‘Mummy daddy! Do u want to be a grandparent?’ :mrgreen: !!!!What! 😯 U don’t want arrr??? Aiyah! U know lah this so & so poke me loh & now my tummy get bigger & bigger 😳 So how?
    This fellow who poke me don’t want to be a daddy woh!!! πŸ‘Ώ
    How about I go & have this baby? πŸ˜€ If really cannot have this baby then perhap can sell off! Got very good price want! πŸ˜€
    Ok! Ok! Seriously nowaday it pay to be very carefull when doing pokeing! But if ‘accident’ do happen then I agree with what u have written! Of cause one way out is to give up the baby for adoption! As for abortion I am against it unless it is in very early stage. I believed every baby have the right to born into this world!
    So how is my comment? Good? May I have ur t-shirt? XXXL size as I am a big fellow!
    Have a very nice day!

    Horny Ang Mohs last blog post..Horny’s Maths!

  11. I will borrow your pregnancy book to show it to the one who plant the seed in me and ask him: see so cute, u sure u dun want meh?.. Hopefully he will share the responsibility and then we tell our parents… Give me S or M size, thank you Lilian

  12. thinking of those childless couple trying so hard to get one and yet those are blessed with one will never appreciate. Thinking of people trying to survive in Sinchuan in China.

    I will tell my parents, sorry if I have dissapoint you as a child but I will be a good parents like you always to me. I know that although I am a notty teen who fucks without knowing I could get pregnant so easily, but yet people in older generation got married much more younger and able and gave birth and they created today generation. Responsibility is not a matter of how young you are, but everyone is born with responsibility. And eventhough how hard is that to bring up the child without the father, I know that MY PARENTS will always love and supports me. Please forgive me and let me continue to increase the number of decreasing population in the world, let me play my part. All human being including feutus deserve the right to LIFE!

  13. Thinking of how my mother tried so hard to get me a brother or sister is really saddening for me. (I’m the only child. Her health prevented her from having second child.) I grew up lonely, I always hope for a sibling. But GOD has his way and say no to my request.

    Girls,If you accidentally have a child, do not freak. Speak with someone you trusted. Go to any centre that can help you. If you needed someone to take care of your baby, there are so many people who is willing to take care of your baby as your own. I am one of them who will sacrifice for a sibling. A lot of the lonely but hopeful couple will do the same like i do. A man who truly love you wont ask you for SEX. He can wait for it.

    To the irresponsible bird who had made it happen, please watch ur lil bird and have self control. Watch ur BALLS or I come and give you a good kick!

    To parents, open your heart and accept it. Everyone are not perfect,so do your child. Bring them home and love them no matter what because they are your daughter.

    To KNN CB kepochi mouth, learn to SHUT UP! Won’t you? MYOB! That’s all.

    Have a good day! πŸ™‚

  14. Hi Lilian , can i grab this article to post on my blog ? My business involves young people, and your writing is very much appropriate for me to warn my young charges. Thanks beforehand.

    james wongΒ΄s last blog post..5xmom…..Tips from a Mother !