What if you are pregnant, a teen and not married?
Posted on June 19th, 2008 by Lilian • Filed under: Life and rants
The other day when I was among the river of humans at the MRT station in Suntec City Singapore, I caught a glimpse of a billboard. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough time to take a picture of it. I like what I saw because it is an organisation that helps teens who are pregnant.
Though I do not condone premarital sex (because I am a parent and it is my duty to say so LOL) , I guess getting pregnant, having unprotected sex and getting sexually transmitted diseases are what I would say follies of youths. Girls easily get the fuzzy ideas that having sex equals love. Guys just want to do it because they are full of shits. Parents have to accept this universal truth and deal with it with a more open mind and forgiving heart.
On the billboard, I remember the organisation provides counselling, shelter, adoption help and more. I wish our country will be as open about this so that we do not see so many babies born and thrown into drains and rubbish dumps.
In my blogging years, I have at least three girls (all strangers and no longer in contact with me) who were in that dilemma. One of them was already working and my advice to her to tell her parents and get married eventually resulted in a baby born in a loving home with happy grandparents. The others, I didn’t know the outcome.
Usually, my standard advices would be :
1) Tell your parents, regardless how you think they will react. There may be lots of tears and anger but all parents are forgiving and will find solutions and help you out.
2) If they cannot accept it, find a shelter home and carry on with the pregnancy and in the meantime, decide if you want to give the baby a loving home, as in adoption.
3) Abortion is never the answer. Usually, the girls were already in late pregnancy, i.e. 2nd trimester and it is illegal to abort. The process could kill them and the baby. I am against abortion for the simple reason that I see each pregnancy as a human. I had given birth to a 28 weeks baby and that is a person to me. I have seen other women given birth to 24 weekers and these are little babies who grew up to be kids. My standard solution is to give the pregnant girl a glimpse of how big her baby is. I had done it to my relative who intended to abort a 25 weeker. I showed her the human baby from my pregnancy book. That changed her mind.
4) Even in early pregnancy, if one choose to abort for the sake of solving the problem, I still am pretty skeptical. The process itself, of having been pregnant and aborting it is enough to laden the girl with guilt for the rest of her life. So, my option is to carry through and face her own folly with courage. Pregnant + abortion = two wrongs. Pregnant + give birth and give baby away for adoption = One beautiful baby. Then again, no one has to agree or disagree with me because I was never in the girl’s shoe so I cannot decide for them.
Ultimately, you know where the problem lies? The parents, the unforgiving society, the kepochis. So, girls, if you ever screwed and got pregnant, remember that it is not the end of the world. Just take it as a hiccup in life because you will one day become much wiser and much more enriched by it.
For example, if you are pregnant and the boy gone AWOL aka disappeared. You think you can abort and get on with life. In future, when you find a man suitable for you, do you think you can live with the guilt of not telling him that you once aborted a baby? So, it is better to own up beforehand that you were a single mom before and pray that one day, a man will love you for what you are. Trust God. God is very forgiving, much more forgiving than us.
Ultimately, I hope girls who get themselves pregnant with unwanted pregnancies will never have to journey alone, hiding their pregnancies and eventually, dispose off the baby to die in a drain. That is murder. And those of us who are so judgemental, religious righteous, condemning pregnancies out of wedlock are partners in the murders.
P/S : I just remember that I have a relative who committed suicide back in the 70s because I heard from the gossipy aunties that she was pregnant but dare not tell the parents. She died by hanging. Her father was so grieved with the death of his only child, he got very ill and died too. Later on, gossipy aunties said that the area around Federal theatre was haunted by this girl. Hehehe. I was very young back, so she is probably in her 50s now. RIP, cousin.