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What!?!?!?! My zip is opened?

Friday evening, I feel a little bit holy-moly. So, hubby who wanted to go to Tesco dropped me at church around 5.30 pm. Hubby said it saves petrol because my church is midway between Tesco and home. I think he couldn’t wait to plonk me at church so that he can go and shop alone.

Since mass is at 6 pm, I have 30 minutes to kill. So I brought along my Bahasa Malaysia Bible, the Alkitab in case I have time to read. I feel like a ‘professional Catholic’, holding a Bible and going to church. I didn’t bother to bring my purse or any handbag. Just holding one Alkitab. Chewah…sunggu alim…..likedat.

I meekly walked into the church building, hugging the Bible and sat where I normally sit. (which is why I forget to pause and pick up some hymn books) Read my Alkitab a bit. Then, the church bells went ‘dong-dong-dong’ and I knew mass is about to start. The bell tolls every hour. Suddenly, I remember that I forgot to take the hymns book. On weekdays, there are no overhead projector so I cannot even recite ‘I believe’ or ‘I confess’. (I know I am bodoh, weekdays masses don’t have these.) I need those red and yellow books or I am totally mute.

I rushed to the bookshelf and it was quite a rush because I know the priest is coming out from that corner any minute. You do not want to bump into priests just before they got on the altar, I tell you. They got this serious looking face so you do not know whether to wish them or just leave them alone to prepare their homily.

The bookshelf is quite a distance from where I was sitting. Some people must have conveniently ‘borrow’ those hymns books home so there are very few left. Whatever there is, it is placed far away. I ran to the shelf, took the yellow hymn and the red hymn book. Went back to my pew and sit down.

Suddenly, one lady with white hair was bending down and whispering to me, in my ears. I pun terkejut because I was sitting alone in one corner and out of nowhere, someone is at my ears.

All I heard was OPEN.

I was holding those hymnal books and they were placed on my lap. I was thumbing through, wondering if it is the yellow book or the red book.

The lady was whispering and pointing to my lap. And again, I heard OPEN.

So, my stupid mind went > > > > > OPEN > > > > LAP > > > > JEANS > > > > ZIP.

My brain went OMYGOD, IS MY ZIP OPEN?

I asked her again, “Sorry, what were you saying again?” while I scoured my lap and jeans. Eh, I am wearing a big KINGKONG T-shirt, courtesy of Toshiba Laptop. The t-shirt is damn long, so zip open, also see nothing what?

And finally, I heard clearly, “Which opening hymn, what page?”

Oh dear….the poor lady. She has difficulty hearing and she has some problems with her vocal chords. She isn’t whispering but just that her voice is such.

I told her, “Oh…opening hymn? I am sorry, I didn’t quite get what the commentator said just now. But I know it is God Reigns.”

She went back to her pew which is two rows behind me. And the priest came out, from the other side.

So fast forward to later in the night.

I told my son the story and he said, “My ma is always so siao wan lah…”

Both of us got down to go to One-Stop to exchange some DVDs. I sub-consciously touched my jeans’ zip just to make sure. I told my son, “Eh, my confidence pecah ledi, now I am so conscious of open zip.”

He replied, “Scared what, not like you got balls. Zip open, also not like your balls can rolll out. DOH.”

Now, rewind back to church again. When I see these elderly folks, I am always humbled. Some of them are not very strong anymore. Some of them have problems with their hearings. Some have problems with their eyes. A few can’t walk much. But they never fail to be there, with their peaceful and calm selves, cheerful and very welcoming. When I see them, I know there is God. Only God can draws people like them to be there. Otherwise, many would probably be in bed, at home, waiting for the end.

I said a little prayer for them. Actually, it is quite a long prayer because the priest asked that no offertory hymn be sung. Instead, he wants us to keep a moment of silence and pray for faith and healing. I have very little ask for myself so I pray that God keeps them strong in faith and gives courage to face the remaining years of their lives, however difficult they are.

Now, I think I better don’t wear anything with zips, buttons or ribbons for a long time. The urge to touch and check my zip is just too great.

You better check your zip too? Is your fly open? Elephant trunk saying hi to the world? Pink lace showing? Bwahahaha…..




9 Responses to “What!?!?!?! My zip is opened?”

  1. Amazing how you can combine open faith and open flies in one blogpost, weaving between heartfelt and handfelt – hee hee hee! Tabik, Ms Chan 🙂 I submit… nah!

    Antaress last blog post..HOW TO SING LIKE A PLANET ~ by Mark Morford

  2. haha… very unimaginable… btw lilian, if I am a guy, and i saw a girl/woman zip opened, how shall I tell the person? Embarrassing you know. As a guy, some how we stand at the difficult situation. Not that I intended to look at the area, but it just caught me off guard. I don’t wanna be rated as SAM PAT GONG aka hamsap Or any remark for my sincerity. Please help to give some good idea. 🙂

    Jarods last blog post..2Fast lah~

  3. u geng la! liddis oso can? hahaha…

    kyhs last blog post..Leong San Tong Khoo Kongsi

  4. er, donwan zip donwan button, you want to hold up your pants with drawstrings only ah? 😆

    mistipurples last blog post..mooing along

  5. 🙂 I can’t help laughing.Thank God the zipper is still intact!Keep on making me amused…

  6. Actually,I have had some experiences. Long time ago. My zip terbuka…nasib baik zip baju…but zip baju or seluar,the face is still red!Malu! 😳

    A.Nours last blog post..Fried Fish Recipe and How to Fry Them Without Sticking to the Pan!

  7. WA zip opned…?? i don want to kena ‘red eyes’ lor…

  8. haha..about zip opened, i got experience la..
    last 2years in the office, when i come out from toilet, a lady keep look at my “bottom side”, i feel weird why she keep look at me like that 😳
    then i look down..damn it !! My zip opened, but elephant still hide very tight la..just abit underwear say hi to her only..bleks !! after that time, everytime i come out from toilet, i sure check my zip 1st.. 😯

    KiDkillERs last blog post..Boost your adsense earning with Adsense injection

  9. You are boring and weird. Idiots like you do not deserve to blog.

    Quick, call the police!