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Hey, you, yes, you, are you reading my blog silently but not telling me?

You know, long long time ago, I thought if my ‘church people’ found my blog, I am going to be dead. Not that I openly dissed anyone but not all of them are exactly angels so I did hint here and there and if you are part of the circle, you can piece the jigsaw together. Then, there is this nightmare when my son told me his friends from church read my blog. I was like, *take deep breath to keep from fainting* OH MY GOD!!!!! they do? What if their mommies know that I spell the F word with a U? I wonder if they tell their parents!!!???!!!! OMG, where am I going to bury my head?

So, I imagine the imaginary finger pointing like “Nah, that woman? She is the one who said the F word.” But then, I realise that they probably dare not tell their moms that they read bad stuffs like what I crapped. Bad grammar, bad sentences structure, bad Ingrish, bad moral but truthful.

Now, I don’t give a damn anymore. Because sometimes, I get the random mails from people who call themselves the ‘silent reader’ and they trust me enough with their troubles. They poured their problems to me. And I guess I am not totally bad, after all.

And this is to thank my silent readers for being silent. However, your silence does give me the creeps. It is very frustrating when I look at a person and though I know they do know I blog, I have the one million question which I dare not ask. The million dollar question of “HEY YOU, ARE YOU READING MY BLOG EVERY SINGLE DAY?” Because it is not fair! You know what colour is my shit and yet, I do not know if you read it. And if you do read, I do not know if you do and I dare not ask.

One other frustrating thing is sometimes in conversations, the person whom I thought did not read my blog suddenly knows how much petrol my car consumes. And I was like “nyek nyek nyek….he is reading my blog, OMG!”

So my darlings sekalian, gimme a break. Next time, if you talk to me, do hint that you are my blog reader. Otherwise, I float around with thousands of questions which I dare not ask. If I ask, I am scared of people thinking, “HOI, perasan lah, who has time for a shitty blog like yours.”

But to those who stalk my blog to get updates and then, bitch behind my back, I hope you step on the dog’s poo the next time you step out of the house. Not only that, I hope the crow shits on your head at the same time. No, that’s not enough. I hope you get constipation for a week and just when you are stuck in a traffic jam with no toilet nearby, you need to shit. And it blows.




27 Responses to “Hey, you, yes, you, are you reading my blog silently but not telling me?”

  1. HA HA HA this post is absolutely hilarious. I used to blog anonoymously for me & other people, and just recently started to bog based in Atlanta. Lo & behold I went on a date this week, and he told me he had seen my new blog!! ha ha.

    I like your blog, it’s funny, so I’ll be coming back, even if you curse, or give us unwanted info like the color of your poo, eww lol

  2. LOL….

    yea, i have silent readers tooo…
    who cares… some not so silent ones as well…

    i wish i can write openly curses like u…hehe…just kidding…
    the last para is hilarious… anymore similar? 😉

  3. Who is handsome Terence anyway? Got his number?

  4. Hi, I attend the same church as you (and I’ve seen you in person before as well), but we don’t know each other. So, I don’t think I’m in the “reading your blog silently but not telling you” category. Anyways, just saying HI.

  5. jgirlpg – Say hi lah, next time. 🙂

    silent reader – If you are a guy, then sure. Cos Terence only likes males.

    carmen – Why not, curse I mean. Good for our souls mah.

    Bombchell – Wow, he must know you inside out while you are just starting to know him, huh? The thrill of having a blog indeed. Good luck with your date!

  6. Dear Lilian,

    I’m one of the readers of your blog. I enjoy reading your blog every morning before I start my work.
    Thank god for your creativity and innovative writing skills. You really cheer me up at times.

    Have a blessed day!

    Regards,
    Infant

  7. Hi lillian,

    I’m one of the silent reader.And,yes I’ve been reading your blogs evry single day and enjoying them evensince i’ stumbled upon them.It has given me alot of encouragement,entertainment,parenting tip,not forgetting nostalgia n pangs of hunger for your cooking and pg food.We practically “drool.”i admire your outwardness,wit n honesty.Am so proud,i know you (though not very well,but i think i know more now!!)

  8. Lilian,

    I read, I read … see my hand is up!!
    Hope to meet you one day when I am out lepaking at Tesco, Queensbay etc… You can be sure I’ll run up to you to say “Hi! chiak pah boey!”.
    I am sure we have much in common … I like to eat too … I was at the Digi fear factor and ate those bugs too … next time I share bugs with you ok? yummy!!
    I was at Bon odori, the heritage celebrations, little Penang etc…. sure one day I’ll see you one.. I’ll recognize you surely …. with your atm and your handsome bodyguards (wah, I jealous lo!)…… and if got CM around you surely bah lay koe one …..

    So I look out for you ……

  9. Niamah!!!

  10. ST,
    go n kau tim tht fellow!

    JTs last blog post..New dawn

  11. Hi there Lilian,

    Yes, I’m one of your blog stalkers! I must confess, I read your blog when I curi ayam at work ;p Your ‘shoot straight from the hip’ style of writing never fail to give me a chuckle. But I won’t like to be standing on the other end though. Ouch!
    Keep it up! the world could use a few more people who dares call a spade a spade.

    Ok, my time’s up *slinks back to work*

    jadeds last blog post..Bak Kut Teh @ Kim Tek Restaurant, Kepong

  12. JT, kau tim who lah??? Its the same person lah. bwahahaha!!!

  13. hahaha!! rupanya..so many stalkers in ur blog kah?? That means ur are still a hot blogger lah..some people wish they have stalker tau..hehehe

    kaDusMamas last blog post..Thanx to Lil’ Ms Pinky!!

  14. Wuah!!! So many stalkers!!! In Penang somemore. Tiu lor!!!

  15. I read your blog when I wake up. I read your blog when I pang sai. I read your blog when I shower. I read your blog when I have my meals. I read your blog before I go to sleep. I read your blog when I am sleeping. Bwahahaha!!!

  16. yo woman..!! u damn funny lah. u make me crack up everyday.
    YES i am your reader..lu chi niah siao…kekkeke

  17. yo woman..!! u damn funny lah. u make me crack up everyday.
    YES i am your reader..lu chi niah siao..siao ka bo lang siao liao…kekkeke

  18. jeff – Tenkiu wor.

    Stalker – When I think of you, I want to pangsai. When I think of you, I fall asleep. When I think of you, I no need to eat my meals.

    Snake Terence – So, you are till for hire or not? How much per Ah Beng? Send a dozen over, no make that more than DPM’s bodyguards.

    kadusmama – Heh, my trick to get people to start talking lah. Buat merajuk. Shhhh…

    jaded – Glad to be of ‘service’ to humankind. 😛

    Momo – Yalor, Penang so small, sure bump into each other one.

    Geraldine – Wah…’we’? Gerard too? *blushes* Choir practice is starting soon and as usual, we miss both of you as well.

    Thank you, Infant.

  19. Your blog like nasi ganja. Everyday must have wan. The more you have, the more gian…

  20. hehehe.. yah, me too… i read your blog before i start work, and before i go to sleep just to make sure i dont miss out anything you post that day. I especially like the christian journey because it’s Christiany, yet so human. Also, just made the never fail fruitcake based on your recipe, but chao dar liao.. i think my oven temperature should be set much much lower.

    great to have you blogging!!! 🙂 keep it going pleeazzee…

  21. Don’t you worry.., I ain’t a stalker. I love reading your blog because it’s bringing me back to a journey full of faith. Thank you for guiding me back to my Lord through your ranting and ‘cheong-heiness’. LOL!!!! 😉 Many times, your ranting took the frustrations out from my heart. Yep, I’m not good at expressing myself, and you are there to speak them out on behalf of many like me. Amen.

    Nah, I ain’t from your church one. I’m a malaysian from singapore. Have a greatest time blogging away and God bless you and your family.

  22. I comment a lot, not all that silent, eh, even want to give you a gift wor…

    BUT have not talked to you in person, face-to-face.

    BUT if I do see you anywhere, will sure ‘tar chiu fu’ wan…

    BUT I know people who know you (yep, it’s a small, small world). Does that count ar?

  23. orh btw, i do not know you in person. ur blog was forwarded to me by my cousin because of some hilarious articles you wrote.. and then i too, got hooked.
    if i do meet you someday, I will certainly let you know!

  24. Hai Lilian,

    My friend and I never fail to read your blog daily. You are one funny woman and your writing is very creative and who cares about not writing proper ingrish as long as you can crank me up at times.

  25. I’ve wanted to say Hi! to you in church many times but we never seem to attend the same masses…or Lucas is causing so much havoc we can’t wait to run to our car and hide 🙂

    KittyCats last blog post..Copycat alert!

  26. just stumbled onto your blog today while following the myriads of links into and out of the various online alternative news portals.

    i’m sorry to say that i’d have lurked around forever if not for this post of yours… 😛

    anyway, thanks for writing the things you write!!

    phoenixs last blog post..Why Indeed

  27. Gosh, this post is just hilarious. The perils of being a known blogger is pretty amusing 🙂

    Avatars last blog post..Financial Intelligence – Part XII