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Pray for bigger boobs

*this post is not suitable for the religious* (pictures are not related to post)

I was lining up for communion. Not feeling much (which is a good sign), I was just merrily queuing for my turn. The communion minister is a woman, a pretty one. So, I am not guilty on the lust part, ok?

About three persons ahead, a thought suddenly popped into my mind. I wonder if I pray for bigger boobs, will God grant me such request? I don’t mean that in a disrespectful manner but in a faithful way. As a Catholic, we believe in the Body and Blood of Christ with all our heart and all our mind and all our soul and the consumption of the eucharist means we are one with Christ.

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(My curly-wurly hair that 60 yrs old aunties adore.)

Now, I do not know why I can suddenly have such silly thoughts. But it just popped up just like that. Like a revelation. I normally shut out everything when I am approaching holy communion and I don’t even look around to smile because I want to empty my mind of everything and just be ONE when I say ‘Amen’ in response to the priest/communion minister words of ‘Body of Christ’. I don’t know about them but I do seriously give them a stare deep into their eyes and when I say Amen, I mean Amen. (Amen means I believe or Yes)

After I put the wafer that symbolise the Body and Blood of Christ into my mouth, I went back to my pew and couldn’t help grinning at my silly thoughts. There is this frivolous, joyful mood in me. Earlier, I did blast out Joyful, Joyful, We Adore You so that probably explains why I am so happy. Usually, we will kneel down and reflect for a while after we swallowed the Body of Christ. I was still laughing inside at the thought of asking God to give me a bigger boobs. Hahahaha, so funny.

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(McDonald’s has some freebies for drive-through and KNN the whole Green Lane was jammed over a burger. Niamah.)

Then, I stopped my silly thoughts and look up and happened to see my friend’s son who have difficulties walking passing my pew. Until today, I am not sure what has happened to him. Each time I see him, my heart aches because the son was a year older than my eldest and when he was a baby, his mom and I used to compare notes. He must have been sick recently or something. (the uncle brought him to church, never see my friend so I never ask)

So, I got back to some serious prayers for people, for the Permatang Pauh’s election, for my family and for my mom’s soul.

Then, driving home, I still couldn’t help grinning at the thought of being blessed with bigger boobs just because I have faith in God. *laffs till fall off chair* It is just damn stupid because it is like asking God to give me an extra, sixth finger because I do not know the total of 5 + 6.

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(Meanwhile, in Komtar, they have this Menara KL parachute whatever you call them and the whole town traffic halted because they wanted to see. KNN, another monstrous traffic jam.)

My sons already told my youngest boy, “Mommy only has milk powder (meaning milk in her boobs have dried up), expired ones.” when I joke with my baby if he wants to breastfeed somemore. I have never flaunted cleavage. So, why in the world do I ‘test’ God with such request? Hmmm..must be the hormones messing up my mind. But God, I wouldn’t mind a pair of bigger boobs, though. Then, hopefully, I can flaunt cleavage when I am laid in my glass coffin one day.

Sorry hor, if this post sounds so sensitive to those who take their faith seriously. I take mine seriously too but I have developed the faith that Jesus wants us to be silly and happy sometimes. Can you imagine this?

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(My life is filled with a lot of things I don’t need but I make good use of them, somehow. Like this pink table lamp which I use to hang my earrings, which again, are things I don’t need because I have 60 pairs of earrings but only a pair of ears.)

“Lord, I pray for bigger boobs.”

And Jesus, after checking His manual, said “Sorry Lilian dear, the Father had specified 3X cup X (sorry ah, just guess the number and alphabet marked X) in the creation book. I cannot change the specifications. But tell you what, since you are such a good girl, i.e. you didn’t go and get silicon implants which are against the Father’s teachings, I will bless you with more money. Go to the pasar malam and get yourself a pair of Wonderbra. Here, would $19.90 be enough?”

Then, I answered, “Lord, haiyor, everything price increase liao, where got enough for Wonderbra, not even pasar malam ones. However, is that $$ in Ringgit or USD? In British pounds maybe enough.”

Jesus replied, “Oklah, since you love me so much and daring enough to ask the Father for things you don’t need, I shall bless you with a bigger heart instead.”

Me, “But, but, but…I want bigger boobs, not heart, Lord!”

Jesus, “Oh, you mean boobs are more important than heart?”

Moral of the story, can you imagine how beautiful the world is if we stop taking our respective Divine Being so seriously? Why fight, why war, why bloodshed, why animosity, why territorial? Chill and have fun with God. I guess that’s what He wanted from us. Being happy. Why would God create the humans if He wants them to be sorrowful, angry, sad, hostile and etc? Makes sense, right?




9 Responses to “Pray for bigger boobs”

  1. I love the bigger heart = better. But are magazines, movies and other modern media to blame for focusing on the idea that bigger boobs = better?

    In Victorian times, small breasts, big hips = better. In Greek times, small penis = better. Big penis = barbaric and unrefined.

    Bloody media. Now I have to grow more leg hair, a goatee and wear denim shorts to be like Zohan.

  2. Dan – I haven’t watch Zohan! I want to go and watch! Chia me?

  3. Oh, you haven’t? Got a few sex jokes wan, wonder why never censor hahaha. OK I chia you. *clicks furiously on Google Ads using anonymizer*

  4. Dan – They never censor cos they don’t geddit lor, you know how small brain those people are. Bruce Almighty they say insulting to God worrrr.

  5. zohan ? not worth to watch in cinema lah.. haha.. just a yucky hair dresser ( but he does have the determination to fulfil his dream though ) with his “bush” + iranian and pakistani friends.. but i think some parts might be removed already in cinema..

  6. oooo.. same thought same thought.. God has sense of hiewmer one. If not why HE made you with curly wurly hair wor? 😀 And made me vertically challenged with big boobies until kenot balance? oooo.. did i reveal too much?

    kikis last blog post..Fun, how elementary!

  7. God did not like boobs, he likes the regular Dick, that’s why there’re so many Di*kheads in gomen.

    😀

  8. The parachute thingy is called “BASE” is an apronym that stands for the four categories of fixed objects from which one can jump: Building, Antennae, Span, Earth. ehehhe… You know la Malaysians, anything that has *FREE* attached to advertisement sure make a beeline for it, and we call Singaporeans Kiasu lolx…

    Hafizs last blog post..Rodizio @ Scheveningen

  9. LOL… Great post! 🙂

    I related the story of your wanting to have bigger boobs with God to my mom and she laffed.. 😛

    Anyway, I also asked God for something last time – patience and guess what, every week or so, He’ll send some family with a small irritating kid who can’t seem to sit still during mass to sit in front or side by side with me. 😉

    I can imagine what He said to me, “You want patience-ar? If you can tahan this, you will learn to be patient…”

    The priest this evening said just about the same thing – God sometimes like to tickle us, and what may seem like a curse, can be a blessing in disguise. 🙂

    Angie Tans last blog post..Beijing Olympics Closing Ceremony… WT*…..