I am only speaking for myself. So, don’t get on your high horse and suddenly grow a halo to diss me. If you cannot take this, I don’t really care. Can’t take the truth, then, don’t read my blog.

Ok, this morning, I forced myself out of bed at 6 am with my alarm clock ringing tone. I want to attend the 7 am mass because I couldn’t make it yesterday evening as I had to go to the food bloggers’ gathering. Then, there is a mass at 10 am on this Sunday morning but it is the first holy communion mass where 9 years old get to dress up in whites and receive their first holy communion. It is going to be a long drawn mass with kids all around. I have enough kids of my own at home, so I shall give it a pass.

My son went to another church for mass because the girls there are prettier. Hehehe. He asked me to follow him for that mass at 8.30 am but I told him I don’t want to go to that rich parish. Folks from there may think that I am doing the church networking of ‘visiting every churches’. You know…people tend to talk. Words may get around that I never go to my own poor parish church but only go to ‘big, rich, churches’.

Did I tell you that Terence sent me a ringing tone that goes like, “kaninalauboo, thiah tien wei, cho mik lu boh thiah tian wei, kaninalauboo…kah meh, kah meh…”. It is a Hokkien cuss that goes something like, “mtf, take the call, why aren’t you taking the call?” That was my alarm ringing tone. It is kind of funny to be greeted with that sort of jokes as a wake up call.

Anyway….the gospel is a very uplifting gospel today. It is the story of a father who asked two sons to do something. The first one said, ok, but never do it. The second one said no, but eventually did it. Jesus then hentam-ed the people around Him that people are like that. He said the prostitutes and tax collectors (bible times kind of Ah Longs and chettiars lah) are the ones who are going to Heaven instead of the righteous Christians. I love this reminder because I can be as rotten as people see me but whether I am good and kind inside, only God knows.

And this is the part where I think we Christians are rather fictitious. Every week, most of us go to church and present a long lists of ‘I want this, I want that’ to God. Of course, I am no different. I go this morning to ask for a list of things too. I was kneeling down, with eyes closed and asking for a load of things and suddenly, that’s when I got this idea of how pretentious we are. It is all about us. Yeah, of course, we are taught that we must pray for others. And yes, we do. But still, it is all about us. That’s when I reminded myself that if my faith in Jesus is strong enough, I don’t even need to open my mouth to ask.

One other thing that I am going to jot down. I noticed that the cantor group was without someone to handle the overhead projector this morning, probably due to some last minute held up. So, the cantor has to double up as the OHP jaga. In that position, I know she cannot sing as the mike is not nearby. If she doesn’t sing, the whole church also lack the oomph. I wanted to go over and offer to help her but knowing what killers stares from impatient folks are, I dare not. People tend to fidget when things are a bit out of tandem. If the mike doesn’t work, people will stare in the direction of the person. If the opening doesn’t start on time, people will stare too. It is like a pressure cooker in there. One loose nut out of the clockwork, people tend to give uneasy looks.

So, with only one cantor and I think she is fairly new, there isn’t much voices. And it is the same thing with the congregation, quiet. However, I am in the mood to sing. So, I blast out lah, don’t care. But I have to remind myself, “Lilian, you are in the choir. Lilian, you are in the lector ministry. You have been trained by the finest choir master and finest language and speech expert. Lilian, don’t be afraid of your own voice. Lilian, stop being so uptight, forget about what the people around you think. Lilian, just don’ give a damn. Lilian, you know how to sing Agnus Dei. Lilian, just do your thing and stop worrying about what other thinks.” Now, I think this is what one faces when one has to be that lone voice.

In the church or out in the real world, one has to have a lot of morale booster to be that lone voice. When you are the lone voice, people will say you are a bitch lah, you are anti-establishment lah, you are incompetent lah, you hate eggs lah…..etc etc. Stupid world we live in. Thank God for people who have the guts to be the lone voices representing us, the nation.

So, are you going to make up the voices to call for the abolishment of ISA? Will you spend this Sunday and read what an ISA detainee wrote to his son? It is very tearful for me to read it. Do you know that the Hindraf 5 are fasting along with the Muslims in Kamunting? Can you feel for the family who has to struggle while the father is in ISA and the family in East Malaysia is too poor to fly to Kamunting to see him? I know many people have that misconception that if the ISA detainees are in there, they probably deserved it. They must be all terrorists. Well, my friends, they should be given a fair trial before being stuffed in there. From the detention of Teresa Kok and the Sin Chew reporter, we know that ISA is a tool used by the powerful to silence the lone voices. So, let’s remember RPK, Hindraf 5 and the others and lend your voice, will you?

Reading this post that claimed the prisoners in ISA are released based on ‘quota’, sort of makes me grin. Our bald minister and Pontius Pilate have things in common. One, both of them are bald. Next, Pontius Pilate too released prisoners based on certain numbers and the demands of the crowds. Pontius Pilate wanted to release Jesus because he knew Jesus did not deserv to be punished. But he dare not. Instead, he released a real criminal to please the crowd. Modern days but still living in ancient times, aren’t we? Same shits, different times.