Is Malaysia lacking Malaysian Chinese Ahpeks?
Posted on September 30th, 2008 by Lilian • Filed under: politics
**This is just a fictional post, meant for aliens from outer space. All characters are fictitious and if they resemble anyone alive, dead or suffering from ED or overload of free supplies of viagra, they are unintentional. The owner of this blog bears no responsibilities if you think otherwise.**
If let’s say you are a female alien who just landed in Malaysia and you have a mission to find some Malaysian Chinese Ahpeks (acronym MC ?) to mate, you will be terribly disappointed.
When you landed on planet earth, you picked up the newspapers.
You flipped through the pages and you hunt for the people whom you believe to represents Chinese Ahpeks.
First you find a ka chuak. He is fat, rotund, face similar to some tua huan chu (big sweet potato) and hair like a nerd. But that’s not the end. He will sing praises on things that other people had phtooi, phtooi, phtooi like ‘I am not gonna leave this certain coalition party’.
Next, you found a man who kept a personal friend. And you think that all Malaysian wives condone their husbands to keep personal friends. You couldn’t get the images of the satellite video you received from Youtube and you do not want to be the slave who has to do all the work. You feel you are better off in your own planet, sucking ice lollies.
After that, you almost fainted because you thought Disney Duck has lost it’s beak, replaced with a flat nose and beady eyes but retain the pot belly and short legs. You go, “Yam kong lor, chor ma kai an yong kiap si geh?” (heh, this is Hakka mixed with Hokkien and Cantonese. It means, The world is ending, why so ugly wan?)
By now, you will be sweating bucket loads of green sweat. Your chief commander had instructed you to come to planet earth to find some seeds and you cannot imagine mating with these exemplary examples.
However, you manage to feel a little bit comforted because there is a moustache guy. He looks fairly entau, sounds entau but he was a has-been too. Then, there is another speckie one which looks ok lah….Maybe if you close your eyes really tight and imagine Jay Chou, you will probably be able to endure the mating process. Oh wait, is Jay Chou gay? Never mind…it’s not important.
Then, you almost choked to death when you found out that the world most CCB woman too is one of your potential candidate.
Knowing that you are going to fail your mission, you decided to commit suicide by swallowing your own tentacles. But along came 5xmom and she told you ‘Fark, these are not the representatives of Malaysian Chinese lah! They are merely Malaysian Chinese shoe polishers. Come, I show you real men.’ *5xmom flips out album with photos of lengjai Bryan, super lengjai Terence, extreme lengjai #2 son and many more men*
And you finally realise what a bunch of clowns you had seen on the papers.