Why women hang on to love lost?
Posted on October 21st, 2008 by Lilian • Filed under: Life and rants
I hope I get my sentence structure correctly. What I mean is why some women can hang on to some man even when the relationship has no future, no happiness and only bring miseries to her?
It is very sad when impending death cannot even softens the man’s heart and yet, some women will still keep on hoping. If we just flip through Dear Thelma on every Sunday, we will know that there are many women out there who will keep holding on to a relationship. She will wait for a change of heart.
Of course, I am a Catholic and being a Catholic, we are expected to work on the relationship no matter what. I have seen some very faithful wives whom indeed grit their teeth through very bad relationships and when the husband eventually died, she just keep on living with dignity of having a marriage intact “till death do us part”. For these women, I am full of admiration for them.
Yet, being the hot blooded (I hope hot blooded means bad tempered and not the stud description in men?) and in control person, I don’t think I will forfeit my own dignity, happiness, self-esteem and future merely for a man. I’d rather die a sinner (as in divorced) and go argue with St. Peter about gender equality at the pearly gates than to suffer my whole life on this earth, being a miserable person and maybe vindictive person.
That’s what I told a person today. I told her, “Don’t let your own happiness hangs in the hand of a man. There are many people who love you, you are a person on your own, with or without him. You have your son, your parents, your friends and even strangers like the nurses and I, we care and respect for you as a person.” Of course, it is easy for me to say because I have never experienced living as a single mom. But what can I say to another woman who is terribly hurt by the fact that she never feel love from the man she hold on to? Anyway, it is my job to state facts as facts and not give cotton candy promises or make excuses for people I never meet.
This is not the first time I shared with other women with problems in their marriage. I think I make a very bad marriage counsellor because my advice is always, “Don’t let your happiness depends on one single person. The life is yours, live it so that you feel happy.” Of course, the Catholic in me cannot simply ask people to divorce. It is a sin and if I do this too often, maybe I can even be ex-communicated. Wowser, do you know we can really get kicked out of the church? Officially?
But what I mean when I ask a woman to seek her own happiness, I am merely asking her to relook at herself, her self-worth, her needs (I don’t mean sexual needs but careers, hobbies, achievements) and herself as a person.
In the end, I still do not know why women can love men, indefinitely, beyond reasons, with all the self-sacrifices, self hurts and mistresses and prostitutes in tow. I can only love my own flesh and blood that much but never a man. No matter how loving, how nice, how caring the man is. If he breaks the only law I have, i.e. being faithful, it is games over. Red card, and you are out of the game and the league. (Thank God for my atm!)
Well, don’t you women agree too? Is there such a thing as forgive a perpetual cheater?