I woke up terribly early this morning. I woke up at 4.30 am. *roll eyes* I slept around 2 am and that means, I slept for only two hours.

When you are lacking sleep, your mind becomes sharper. Or maybe I am hallucinating. Whatever it is, you seem to have all the antennas working overtime. Since it is a Sunday, I can go back to nap in the afternoon.

Anyway, I returned home from church around 8 am. An elderly couple, a neighbour of mine were walking to their car. They are rather elderly, maybe in their late 60s. Their son has a nicer and newer condominium for them but they will return to our apartment here most of the time. So, there they are, an elderly couple with no grandkids. Both carrying a backpack each and I found that so heartwarming.

That’s what I hope to do in future. I have made a pact with my kids, “Nah ah…next time, don’t ask me to take care of your kids, I have done enough of parenting chores. I will just be the doting grandma who brings the gifts and visit once in a while. Don’t expect me to do it full time. If I want to take care of kids, maybe I go volunteer in an orphanage or something.”

In the homily this morning, Father FA reminded us to count our blessings. And I do count my blessings. I got a home, some kids, a husband and all the skills and money that we need. And the Gospel reading is about the man who gave his servants a few talents each. (talent is a monetary measure in biblical times, like ringgit for e.g.) The good and productive servants return to the man more talents than they received from the man. The lazy and bad one kept the same amount he received, did nothing and return back to the man. Just like how God bless us with things and yet, we did nothing to improve.

So how does this tie in with my idea of a grandma? Nothing. It is just that even at my age now, I already know that I am not ever going to spend my older age being a fulltime grandma. In fact, I blurted this to Fr Edwin and Fr Fab when I told them why I like spending time in Mt. Miriam as a volunteer. I told them, “I am not going to spend my old age as a grandma, I want to be a missionary worker or something like that.” I do not know what they think of this crazy idea of mine but I hope to achieve that someday.

Maybe I will sail into the sunset with my atm. Maybe not. Who knows what the future holds for me? Maybe I will be long dead before I even reach sunset point. Maybe my atm will join me to be that wacky mission worker. Heck, I don’t even know what a mission worker does. As long as I don’t need to depend on my kids and grandkids to give me the finale of life.

Someday, I hope to traipse the world with a backpack. With my atm or alone, doesn’t matter. As long at it is not burdens I carry but a merry backpack that takes me someplace.

Well, after witnessing how carefree my neighbour is, being together even in their old age, I went up to my apartment with that ‘sailing into sunset’ fluff. However, I see the front page of the newspaper and read that the ex-PM of Thailand, Thaksin has divorced his wife. So much for sunset. *doink* I hit earth.