What if you find out your son is gay?
Posted on November 24th, 2008 by Lilian • Filed under: Life and rants
Well…interesting thought, eh?
I am sure a lot of parents will never even dare to think about this possibility. Maybe some will foam in their mouths, fall flat on the floor and their eye balls roll up, leaving only the whites of the eyes.
However…..I think this is a reality many parents have to come to term with. Stop pretending that gays don’t exist. Stop pretending that it is something that happens to only other people’s kids.
For me, we talk about this openly with our sons. We make gay jokes too. Like, “Ma….your son has turned gay….see? He is (doing something that we perceive as a ‘gay-thing’.)”
Then, I will retort with something like, “Oh really? No problem what….but he better be extra creative and make lots of moolah as a fashion designer or wedding planner or be a celebrity or something glamorous like that. ”
The thing is, we don’t really understand how one normal male turned gay. I won’t speculate but some of the reasons I guess are :
1) Out of curiousity and glamour
2) It’s in the genes (this applies for those with more effeminate features)
3) Out of rebellion
4) They are born like that, women just failed to turn them on
5) Being tricked into it (this is one issue that I am wary of because some gays (I said SOME) love to ‘recruit’ more gays into their circles and young boys do get conned into this sort of sexual relationship after being ‘fed’ by their sugar daddies)
Then, there are those who have embraced their sexual preferences and become gay gays like Robb and his partner Zach. Another gay guy told me, there is the fuckee and the fucker in a gay relationship. You have to ask Robb who is who LOL. I have met both of them and they are just normal to me. I mean, they are nice guys, which I am sure their parents have no problem dealing with it. After all, they are good in their studies, have decent work and are good sons.
What is tragic is when parents disowned or stigmatized their own son, forcing them to depression and suicides. To those parents, I wonder if they are concern about their own image or their son’s image? Isn’t it a bit selfish to turn the son away just for their own image? I wonder too…if these parents have been there with their children as they grow up, would they be dealt with the shock of suddenly finding out their son is gay? I mean, we are the parents, we should have seen the signs early on and deal with it eventually, isn’t it? Some of the gays guys (not referring to Robb and Zach) I know come from broken homes or their parents have huge problems in the marriage. Well, at least two told me so. They didn’t have a normal childhood, whether being a victim of domestic abuse or a philandering father.
Many years back, I was eating at a coffeeshop in Farlim. There was this old lady with her son who is a transvestite. He looks like a man but wore woman’s clothings. This is a Chinese woman. And I really respect how ‘normal’ she treats her son. They sat there, in a busy coffeeshop eating and laughing while the rest of the world, the kepochees and the judgemental folks kept staring at them. I know most parents will not have the courage to do that. That incident sort of make me realised that a truly loving mother will not chastise her own son, no matter how or what he is.
Religion wise, as Catholics, gays are not ‘accepted’ as the norm of course. But then, I have asked a church elder before. What if the man is still gay? He said if no sexual relationship is involved, it is fine for two men to love each other. Of course, I don’t know how a relationship survives without the sex, ok?
I think the regular folks will not be so homophobic if we start to see the person as a person, no matter how they act. And the gays can help if they don’t freak the rest of us out by being too ‘hands and legs’ in public. Like, we respect your choice, you also respect our space and don’t show us public display of ‘gay acts’ in front of our kids. I have seen gays fondling each other in public mall, so can you blame the rest of the world for being afraid of gays?
Oh ya, I read that soyabean contains a lot of female hormones and some research claimed that mothers who are pregnant who ate too much soy products will cause the male genes in their sons to mutate to female. So, if your son is gay, don’t blame him, blame yourself. Hehehe.
Incidentally, I am now doing another exam paper on psychology, touching on anima/animus. Psychologically, we are all bi-sexuals. That means, we have the male and female parts in us. It is a matter of how balanced these two parts are.
Robb’s blog about ‘ When your parents know you’re gay‘ inspired me to write this post. I am not encouraging people to turn gay but I wish to share Robb’s post on the difficulties gays face. Robb even advised :
but I just want to let everyone know, that being gay is not easy.
Kids out there who are reading this. Don’t be gay. Go dig pussies, cause you’ll live a better life.
And for the rest of us, que sera sera. Accept people for what they are. And stop being so judgemental.