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5xmom on….parenting

Let me put these online. These are part of my parenting sharing at the Nuffnang Friso Family Day Out. When it comes to parenting, I think I am a genius. My idea of parenting is just to jump in, have fun and pray hard things will turn out ok. And so far, so good. No bumps, no glitches.

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(midvalley shopping mall Christmas decorations. Two James Bonds posing like Mr. Bean’s idiotic Johnny English.)

The sharing session the other day consist of my short talk, parents’ sharing and a video. I didn’t exactly follow the gist of what I wrote below as I tend to get nervous and rattle everything off my mind and go out of topic. Kehkehkeh, who cares lah.

This video :

– Quote –

There is no right or wrong in parenting and all of us are capable parents. Everyone has the parenting instinct. Like I learned in psychology class, these parenting instinct is imprinted in each of us. So, my idea of parenting is to go with the flow. Let our kids lead us, instead of the other way round.

Of course, we parents have a very important role in guiding them and be the good role model for them. And I think each of us are capable of doing that, IF we stop being so tense about the wrongs and rights.

friso nuffnang family day out
(brothers let loose in the ball pool at Nuffnang Friso Family Day Out)

From my experience, the best is to discard all the parenting books, motivation talks and our kiasu attitude of wanting to be ahead, be smarter and be number one. Through my four sons, I notice that they are all born with different characters and it is not something I can change. I leave them with their own personalities.

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(We also went to some exhibition at Midvalley where they let us parents go through ‘obstacles’ to make us realise how hard it is for kids to adjust to our adult world. The huge crayon is to show us how difficult it is for little hands to hold a pencil and start writing.)

And this is where it lead to :
Sibling rivalry and dealing with jealousy of new sibling

As a mom, I let them fight and quarrel. Sometimes, their angers can be intense. However, when I refrain from meddling, I notice it is their opposing characters that caused these frictions. Of course, there is a boundary and some basic rules. No one is to hit each other in anger. Push and pull is fine. But no punching and kicking with intention of causing hurt. Because, moms and dads, the world out there is a big bad world and we have to let them learn these basic human survival skills. At the end of the day, they are still very close to each other and they are buddies.

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(In this one, I need 15 seconds to button a shirt. The dummy sort of ‘shorten’ my arm reach and I have difficulties putting the button through the hole. Normal buttoning for us is only 3 seconds)

As for dealing with jealousy with a new sibling, I have my tried and tested apple tree theory. It works with my sons and none of them have ever accused me of being biased or loving one more than the other.

Researchers have said that the feeling of jealousy felt by our children towards the arrival of a new baby is as intense as the jealousy we women may feel if our husband brings a new wife home. I read this from an article on parenting. And I think it is that bad. The feelings of losing their importance in our heart, their territory being encroached by the new baby and our lack of time in spending with them are all very painful to our children.

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(That’s the birthday boy who celebrated his 12th birthday on November 28, 2008. I didn’t blog about his birthday because we were travelling. The above is the Ikano Power Centre Christmas decoration.)

So, how do I prepare my sons? I told them our love is like an apple tree. Imagine a huge apple trees with lots of red, apples. Those apples are our love for them. However we pluck the apple, new ones will grow. So, I told my eldest son when he was two years old, before I have my second son, those apples are for you and if I need more apples for your baby brother, new ones will grow. There is never short of apples. And moms and dads, always give your child that sense of belonging. Use this reference, “Your sister, your baby brother” and make that baby his and not yours alone.

– unquote –

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The above is the photo of my #1 son (in yellow t-shirt), #3 son in red t-shirt making mischief with #1’s college mate and #2, in white t-shirt.




8 Responses to “5xmom on….parenting”

  1. Lilian, I am facing the problem of my elder one jealous about his new siblings and end up creating lots of troubles for us. i read the same topic and article like you and i really understand his feeling. I will try telling the Apply Tree story to him…thanks for your sharing…

  2. parenting is never easy. benghui just got into a quarrel with another kid during Sunday school. why he does stuff like this I will never now. when the Sunday school teacher told me, I was devastated 🙁

    Bengbeng´s last blog post..Looking for occupational therapy equipments/positioning equipment

  3. Woot…Didn’t know your son bdae fall on the same date with me…

    jun´s last blog post..Insanity

  4. jun – Almost all my kids are born on the 28th or thereabout. LOL. Must be my eggs.

    Beng Beng – Don’t feel too bad ‘cos kids have characters of their own. We cannot expect them to behave to make us happy all the time. Normally, I just have a good laugh over it with my sons, warned them not to repeat and no problem already. Heh, this comes from parents who regularly get warning letters from the school or get ‘invited’ by school counsellors.

    joanne – It is really hard for them to cope lah. But life is full of hard knocks so hopefully they get tougher and wiser from all that lor.

  5. Very well said! I constantly remind myself to let my kids be kids – Let them do wat they want and learn at their own pace. As long as it is not too much..Close one (or both) eyes. They are happier…we are happier.

    Shooi´s last blog post..Life in the dumps

  6. thnx mom 🙂 tats wat i been looking 4 !

  7. i have the same shot of my wife and baby from the other side of the stage same as your midvalley picture.

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/jinhan/3081862106/

    Jin Han´s last blog post..Making Spinach Noodles

  8. i really admire your relationship with your kids. like you’ve mentioned before, they treat you more as a friend. this is what i hope to achieve too if i have kids in the future la! lol