Posted on December 4th, 2008 by Lilian • Filed under: Family
Let me put these online. These are part of my parenting sharing at the Nuffnang Friso Family Day Out. When it comes to parenting, I think I am a genius. My idea of parenting is just to jump in, have fun and pray hard things will turn out ok. And so far, so good. No bumps, no glitches.
The sharing session the other day consist of my short talk, parents’ sharing and a video. I didn’t exactly follow the gist of what I wrote below as I tend to get nervous and rattle everything off my mind and go out of topic. Kehkehkeh, who cares lah.
This video :
– Quote –
There is no right or wrong in parenting and all of us are capable parents. Everyone has the parenting instinct. Like I learned in psychology class, these parenting instinct is imprinted in each of us. So, my idea of parenting is to go with the flow. Let our kids lead us, instead of the other way round.
Of course, we parents have a very important role in guiding them and be the good role model for them. And I think each of us are capable of doing that, IF we stop being so tense about the wrongs and rights.
From my experience, the best is to discard all the parenting books, motivation talks and our kiasu attitude of wanting to be ahead, be smarter and be number one. Through my four sons, I notice that they are all born with different characters and it is not something I can change. I leave them with their own personalities.
(We also went to some exhibition at Midvalley where they let us parents go through ‘obstacles’ to make us realise how hard it is for kids to adjust to our adult world. The huge crayon is to show us how difficult it is for little hands to hold a pencil and start writing.)
And this is where it lead to :
Sibling rivalry and dealing with jealousy of new sibling
As a mom, I let them fight and quarrel. Sometimes, their angers can be intense. However, when I refrain from meddling, I notice it is their opposing characters that caused these frictions. Of course, there is a boundary and some basic rules. No one is to hit each other in anger. Push and pull is fine. But no punching and kicking with intention of causing hurt. Because, moms and dads, the world out there is a big bad world and we have to let them learn these basic human survival skills. At the end of the day, they are still very close to each other and they are buddies.
As for dealing with jealousy with a new sibling, I have my tried and tested apple tree theory. It works with my sons and none of them have ever accused me of being biased or loving one more than the other.
Researchers have said that the feeling of jealousy felt by our children towards the arrival of a new baby is as intense as the jealousy we women may feel if our husband brings a new wife home. I read this from an article on parenting. And I think it is that bad. The feelings of losing their importance in our heart, their territory being encroached by the new baby and our lack of time in spending with them are all very painful to our children.
So, how do I prepare my sons? I told them our love is like an apple tree. Imagine a huge apple trees with lots of red, apples. Those apples are our love for them. However we pluck the apple, new ones will grow. So, I told my eldest son when he was two years old, before I have my second son, those apples are for you and if I need more apples for your baby brother, new ones will grow. There is never short of apples. And moms and dads, always give your child that sense of belonging. Use this reference, “Your sister, your baby brother” and make that baby his and not yours alone.
– unquote –
The above is the photo of my #1 son (in yellow t-shirt), #3 son in red t-shirt making mischief with #1’s college mate and #2, in white t-shirt.