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Master Bullshit Lilian too predicts the fortune for the year of the Ox in 2009

Lilian too will predict the fortune for all the Chinese zodiac signs and how they fare in the year 2009.

The Chinese zodiac consists of twelve animals.

The cycle starts with the Rat which is this year and the rat will make its exit on 25th January, 2009. On 26th January 2009, the Ox will charge in. Jeng jeng jeng….

Before we begin, lets count the twelve animal signs :

It chu
Jee gu
Sa hor
See thor
Goh leng
Lak Chua
Chit beh
Pek euow
Kau kau
Chap keh
Chap It kau
Chap jee too

I learned to memorise the above in Hokkien since I was a kid. It is like a compulsory thing to know which animal come before which animal.

cow

In English
One Rat
Two Ox (Moo moo Cow)
Three Tiger
Four Rabbit
Five Dragon
Six Snake
Seven Horse
Eight Ram (Mek mek, kambing)
Nine Monkey
Ten Rooster (or Chicken)
Eleven Dog
Twelve Pig (or Boar)

So, the characteristic of the Ox will rule the year. And what does that mean? Labouring. Hard work. Plenty of bullheadedness to survive. In short – bad times lor. Recession, people losing their jobs, bad businesses and all those things that make a cow or kerbau toil in the fields.

And guess who are the most affected?

Those who are born in the same kandang kerbau as the Ox. The OX rules so those animals who live in the same barn with the cows will suffer most. The most to get bad luck is those who are born in the year of the Ram or the Goat because goats and cows graze together. So, the cow will steal all the goats grass/livelihood. The other smaller animals in the barn like the rooster or pig will not suffer as much because they don’t eat grass, ok?

See, it doesn’t need a fengshui master to tell you some common sense. But seriously, do you really believe in all these? Come on, it is only for twelve months, so don’t be so superstitious lah. Don’t get conned by the evil fengshui masters who sell you expensive amulets to turn your luck around. Just chill lah.

chinesezodiac.gif

Image source

So, can we expect a bull run in the year of the bull? Forget it lah, lots of cow dungs ahead got lah. Master BullShit Lilian too advises everyone to start saving, stop spending and Kong Hei Fatt Choy. Eat more steaks, wagyu, kobe beef, satay lembu, beef rendang, sup torpedo (aka bull’s penis), will you?

BTW, I am born in the year of the dragon and dragons are invincible animals and our only bad luck year is the year of the bitch. I mean the dog. The dog is the celestial enemy of the dragon because the tuhan anjing has the magic bow and arrow to chase the majestic dragon around the globe. (This I learned from Journey to the West, Soon Wu Hong)




14 Responses to “Master Bullshit Lilian too predicts the fortune for the year of the Ox in 2009”

  1. Year of the Ox seems to be a good year for the Dragons. That’s what most sites are stating, wealth wealth wealth….

    Dragons are going to phaaat ah!!

    Michael Yip´s last blog post..Christmas came early thanks to Nuffnang SG

  2. ………….

  3. terence – You slowly wait lah. Later sure people come and ask me for fengshui tips lah, lucky numbers lah, how to have babies lah…..

    michael – Dragons always ho-seh wan. (ho-seh = very good) Cos we live in the sky, no one can kacau us. Hehehe.

  4. Hahaha…yeah. Dragon’s very prosperous one. XD though of course I’m the younger 1. Got older dragon to protect. XD

  5. I hope that’s true because I am born in the year of the Ok.

  6. You know, I saw a guy named himself Master XXX on his name card because he knows about feng shui (know little also know mah). I laugh till stomach pain. Haha…

    Bryan´s last blog post..Casulo Mobile Living Furniture

  7. eh..? How about the others?? Monkey?? (You feng shui master mah!! hehe)

    kaDusMama´s last blog post..i caught a life threatening bugs..

  8. […] month to Chinese New Year 2009. It is the year of the OX and if you are interested to find out the fortune for the year of the ox 2009, you can read my fake fortune […]

  9. […] the real Too like the fengshui auntie Lillian, ok? So, she cannot sue me if my bullshits for the fortune of the year of the Ox 2009 gets higher on the search results, ok? Now, Malaysiakini has just released the predictions for […]

  10. Different Xian Jie (so called master feng shui) said different things. Some bullshit said Monkey will be doing well, some said not good.
    If this so called Master feng shui so good, no need to bullshit to earn a living, already a Bilionaire long time a go before Warren Buffet. IF we do not buy their charts/books, they eat shit.

  11. Well i’m a goat, and Grade 12 (excluding kingergarden) is a nightmare for me… seriously i feel trapped and i cannot progress. Things have not been going my way for 6 months so far, and i can’t think of anyother reason why i’m doin so bad… except for this stuff which i do not normally believe in…

  12. I am born in year 1981 rooster what secrect for me to success in my life 1n 2009?

  13. Dear lilian

    I had bought “Ru Yi” and “Monkey on Horse” from your branch few year ago. Recently the “Ru Yi” dropped on the floor, i just wondered will it bring me bad luck? Please advise what is the power of “Monkey on Horse”?

    Thanks & Regards,
    Bentrice

  14. I draw your attention to Lillian Too’s greatest master bullshit ever — stealing the translation of a Buddhist scripture from a young poor translator pursuing his studies in India in order to make thousands of dollars selling that translation on plaques for $96 each.

    http://emptyelephant.wordpress.com/2010/01/31/lillian-toos-mahashri-plaques/