Talking to my God
Posted on March 7th, 2009 by Lilian • Filed under: Faith
So, buzz off if you have any smart alec things to say.
I try to be a good Catholic and push myself to church for the Stations of the Cross today. I couldn’t make it last week because I went to celebrate my Matthew’s birthday and took 2 hours to un-vegetarian myself with some fresh sashimi. You know…. a mom gotta do what a mom gotta do, right?
So, I went through the fifteen Stations of the Cross. For the first seven, I was wondering why they make so many kneel, stand, kneel stand rituals. Can I just kneel? That way, I don’t need to keep adjusting my t-shirt so that my jeans don’t go too low. I feel so much more relaxed when I kneel on the pew cushion. But then, hey, we are Catholics and we are full of rituals because it gives us something to occupy ourselves.
You know what, Jesus? I feel very pissed with the frivolous comments made by our Prime Minister with regards to the use of Allah. I read that they have come up with some fatwa to disallow the use of printing of any non-Muslims stuffs using the word Allah. I am puzzled. Aren’t fatwas for Muslims only? How then, can they impose it on non-Muslims? But as you know, I don’t get to ask this openly with the authority or I risk getting stuffed into places I don’t fancy.
What I was pissed with was how our PM, whom I used to look up to…..implied that our God, the Father has daughters. He also said that people who refers to (the fake) Allah pray to statues. (The Star ) He was making the reference about Christians and he uttered this in the same breath. I was utterly amused yet sad that people who do not have the faith to believe in the Holy Trinity nor belief in the Christian faith can just babbles away like they are God themselves.
Did you also hear that our RTM featured an ex-Christian who said the Holy Trinity is made up of God the Father, God the Mother and God the Jesus? I heard it through somebody but I didn’t catch that on TV myself. If I do, I will probably hurl my slippers at the speaker and ask him to go to hell for bullshitting on prime TV.
So, Jesus, as I said earlier, I was going through the first seven stations with a lot of nonsense on my mind. Politics, blogging, family stuffs, long weekend and etc etc were occupying my mind.
But Lord, as the stations progressed further, when we were going through your last hours, the beatings, the humilation, the picking up yourself after ya fall and the spitting, I began to see your Passion flashing in front of me. When they put you to death, I shed tears because I began to see how we, the humans on earth, will continue to be weak, immoral, evil, dominating and etc etc. Yet, you do not mind going through the humiliation, pain, suffering for us, again and again. I feel myself as one of the daughters of Jerusalem.
Anyway, Lord, I also has the revelation that the current court case between the Catholic Church with the Government of Malaysia is not a matter over the word. It is the upholding the Constitution of the country of Malaysia where we have freedom of religion. It is not just one-issue thingie because if we don’t put our feet down now and tell them we have enough, they will soon demand our Bible in Bahasa Malaysia is changed too. I suddenly realised how important it is to continue shouldering on eventhough people are spitting on us, making a mockery of you, hurling abusive words and trampling on us.
They can never understand and never will. They will never understand how our loving God can transform Himself to be a Man, born of a woman to feel our pain. They will never understand your role. They will continue to say that you did not die on the cross but fade into the desert. They will continue to see you as the naked man hanging from a cross. They will insist they are born sinless and hence, they do not need a naked man swinging from a cross to wash our sins. If they are so sinless why are there so many corruption, back-stabbing, names calling, gossip mongering, infidelities and etc etc?
They will never understand that the Christian faith is not about putting one God on the pedestal, fence him up and claim copyright of his name. The Christian faith is to live a life like yours, Lord. I am still amazed with the kind of things you have done during your life on earth, Lord. How you kickass those Pharisees, change their whole perception about religion and how you dissed those hypocrites.
Oh ya, sorry for not using a capital in the You. I am too lazy to press the Shift key all the time I make a reference to You, Lord. I know you don’t care about these nitty-gritty stuffs, you only want substance, right?
Your trying to be good follower.
P/S : In case people wonders what is Stations of the Cross, it is a 30 minute reflection where we re-live the times when Jesus Christ was sentenced to death, his journey up to the hill where he was to be nailed to the cross and eventually his death and resurrection. We do this every Friday from last week until Good Friday which is the day Jesus is supposed to be put to death. It is not just about thinking about what Jesus did but what we failed to do or wrongs we have done. Things like the number of times we turned away people who asked for our help, times when we turn a blind eye, times when we lied or caused someone in trouble and etc etc.