Why I messed up my mascara

I notice that I just so love to use ‘so…’ whenever I am talking or blogging. It is always…So, there was this one time when….

However, I didn’t know I even have the same bad habit when I am speaking in Bahasa Malaysia. My son who was standing nearby (to my computer) pointed this out to me when he heard my interview with a Myanmmar refugee whom I spoke in Bahasa Malaysia. I have to edit a lot of parts because I kept going on with ‘Jadi….’

And that’s not all of it. In Hokkien, I also start with, “Anneh kuan kong…’ (that is to say….)

Doh….who wants to be my speech doctor and coach me to stop these habits of ‘so…’?

So…let me tell you why I messed up my mascara on Mother’s Day.

Being Mother’s Day, I had peer pressures to put on make-up before church because I know I had to be a good girl and wish all my god-mother, godly mothers and good mothers. If the ladies are 40 years older than me, they have this habit of mothering me, i.e. telling me my hair is messed up, I look haggard, I am fat, I am not giving Jesus His due because I am only in jeans and t-shirts etc etc etc. Usually, if I am not bothered, I will quickly slip away after mass so no one can mothers over me. (actually, I hate people mothering over me cos my mader never do that to me)

So….I absent mindedly applied Estee Lauder mascara. I have another tube from Bobbi Brown which is my ‘official’ mascara. Estee was just a buy this, get this free stuffs.

For as along as I have been a Catholic, i.e. since 2003, I have always asked my church’s priest to pray for this group of mothers. From Fr. Stephen to Fr. FA. Year after year, I will asked them (though I am very fearful of them) to please include the mothers whose children had died and mothers of disabled children and mothers abandoned by their grown up children. Sometimes, they will call all the mothers to go up to the altars and we the happy mothers will have one helluva of time, proud as peacock standing there, while our children dedicated songs to us.

I know it is a bad practice because some of these women, though are not mothers anymore deserved a bigger recognition. But they of course, don’t feel ‘qualified’ to be celebrated or honoured that way. So, they sat down, left behind by us. It is really sad lah, because I think I can feel some of their feelings.

Sadly, some priest will just tell me off before I can even finished my sentence. They will tell me, “Don’t worry…when I say we pray for all mothers, it covers everyone.” Yeah right….do you actually know the feelings inside them? I have friends who had only one child and when that child died, Mother’s Day become a nightmare for them.

So…this morning, I didn’t think much about the requests I made year after year. I have sort of given up. Let it be…I don’t care anymore.

But wham….during mass Father Fab had a Litany (frankly, I don’t know what is litany but it is a prayer or something like that). And he included all the different groups of mothers. Mothers of the past, i.e. our deceased mothers. Mothers like me. Mothers to be. Mothers who was once a mother but their children are no more with them. Mothers in spirit, i.e. those women who are childless.

And I was like….Oh my God…finally, after so many years of asking the priests, I finally found someone who cares enough to think and list out these group of mothers. I was sooooo touched. And that’s when I realised I wasn’t wearing a water-proof mascara.

After I dabbed away the tears, which I hope no one notices, I realised, “Shit, I must have panda eyes!” I quickly grabbed my mirror, right in the middle of mass to check that no mascara runs….. The tissued I used was black! Niamah…

So…right after mass, I quickly cabut because I do not want my god-ma and everyone else to see my black eyes….They will probably go…”Aiyor, Lilian, how many days have you not sleep?”

And I thank God for the Litany on Mother’s Day. I thank Father Fab for that prayer. He is my favouritest priest, ever.


Christene’s visit to the UMMC