Ever meet people like these?

Today, during our saiko class, Fr Huan reminded us about something. We are now into the stage where people grow old and go die. It means my course is almost complete. Yay!

So, we were discussing about leaving the baggages behind before we die. Since Fr Huan was using Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s theories on dealing with dying, death and bereavement, I cannot help but ‘show off’ a bit that I had read most of her books. Sombre as it is, there was this one time when Prof. Lucy of UMMC gave me one of her book on how to deal with people who just lost loved ones (to help me deal with the death of my son, also to encourage me to write a book for Asians). Then, I got intrigued and bought several books of hers from Payless Bookstore.

Some were asking how they can get those relatives of theirs who are dying to come to terms with their misgivings, angers, feelings of being short-changed and etc so that they can die peacefully. I blurted out that though well-meaning these intentions, these are usually the wrong way to get our dying relatives to deal with their deaths.

When I was volunteering in pastoral care, I found that the dying person usually will not open up with their relatives and loved ones about their fears, worries, angers, guilts and etc so as not to inflict further pains on them as they were already worried about the death. Usually, these patients talk best with strangers who are neutral. Most times, all they want is to just tell someone about something and they feel better.

So, what are some of the baggages? Have you ever meet people who carry a lot of such baggages?

  • Some of them are people who love to put the blame on others on their own shortcomings.
  • Some are those who harbour a lot of hate on others, backstabbing and doing all those spiteful things. After all these things pile up, they do not know where to begin to ask for forgiveness.
  • Some of those who cannot see beyond their crosses, i.e. if they had been unfortunate, they cannot get over it, move on but instead keep wallowing in the same cycle.
  • Some are those who had been so holy-moly for the wrong reasons. Like doing all the charity works and etc and then, keep blaming their divine that the divine didn’t reward them but instead give them terminal disease.
  • Fr Huan reminded us, all of you who are in your midlife, i.e. anything after 40 yrs old, you all better start to live life meaningfully so that you don’t have so much baggages to drop before dying. What more if we are Christians and didn’t not allow the Lord to help us seek forgiveness and to make amends to our own anger, spiteful behavior and etc.

    Me? I don’t mind dying any time, no problem one.

    12 thoughts on “Ever meet people like these?

    1. u dun mind dying? wat about your baby son then? no mama at such a young age – kesian.

    2. STE – Chey, you think if you say you wanna die, can die one meh? It is all in God’s hand. The moral of the story is don’t carry too many baggages. Haih…you people really don’t geddit it hor? The whole blog post got so many hundreds of words and you all bodoh punya, go read and take the last sentence as the whole story.

    3. We take every sentence written by the great Lilian Chan (Penang CM also acknowledges her by name) seriously punya so am alarmed la when read that she don’t mind dying even though she got so many things to look forward to – seeing her youngest boy grow up and marry etc… You tell me la, how to not carry baggages when we have young children ah? How to not worry about what will happen to them if we die leaving them as young orphans? If God one day ask me, you mind dying now or not and with my son still young, I don’t think I can answer, “Lord it is all in your hands. I don’t mind dying”. Of course I won’t say that la. I will instead beg God to let me live until my young son is all grown up and married with his own children. Aiya where got so simple punya, to not carry baggages and be willing to let the Lord take our lives anytime.

    4. STE – You totally missed the point lah. Baggages are not the same as responsibilities. Baggages are those old stuffs try what we harbour in us, like unforgiveness, anger, guilt, regret etc etc. Read more self-help books lah, it will help you. And no, the fact that the CM knows me or not, makes no difference to who I am.

    5. So what self-help books do you recommend that I read? I have cupboards fulls of them which have became dogeared from my constant reading but apparently not the correct ones according to you. Care to sell me some of yours at a second hand price? Can give me a comprehensive list of all the baggages ah?

      I am not talking about responsibilities la. I am talking about regret for dying so young and not being able to see my young children grown up. You won’t feel regret meh if you die now and not be able to see your youngest son grow up?

      Ya, it is easy to say don’t mind dying now but when the time comes when your children are still young, you will feel regret and “ng say tak” in your heart to leave them so young on this earth without a parent. Think before you say things like this. Do you honestly believe you can die now without ng say tak your youngest son? Tell me again la how I am misunderstanding your baggages.

    6. STE – Elo, the post is about how ppl tend to hold grudges, like you, who comes by and debate and argue, cannot let go. The post is not about me wanting to die. I say that because I believe if God should let me kick the bucket right now, I won’t feel that I many things to feel regret about the PAST. Can understand now? That’s what I mean by baggages. And I don’t think we get to choose whether to die now or another 100 years. So, why bother so much about the what if?

    7. Thank you for your kind patience and taking time out of your busy schedule to explain. Nolah, I don’t have a grudge against you la. I just don’ think I will be able “to die without baggage” (your main point) now because currently I have young children so I just won’t be able to die in peace if I were to die now (sei ng ngan bai – cantonese – die cannot close eyes properly). To me “cannot die in peace” means “got baggages” la. So I was just trying to understand from your point of view how you can “don’t mind dying now” since you have a young son. Now I understand you mean “baggages=past regrets” only and not “carry baggages=cannot die in peace”. I’m not reading your post out of context la but just trying to learn from you on how to be a better person “to die without baggages” so that I can die in peace if I were to die tomorrow and leave my young children behind. Isn’t that what you are advocating? For everyone to learn everyday no matter how they do it (even if it means bugging you with comments)… Thank you again la. ..or maybe I’ll just send you some toilet papers. 😉

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