It’s me

Yesterday, I listened to one of the most moving and encouraging homily on Trinity Sunday. While others may find the second part more sensational, I personally feel very encouraged with the first part on Father Fabian’s attempt at explaining the Holy Trinity. I jotted almost every sentence down in my notebook.

“We need to celebrate our invidividuality. We need to be comfortable with who we are. Be ourselves. Embrace our equality. We are equal because we are the Trinatarians. Complete Unity. We need to strive. We don’t have to be alike to be unite. Unity is there when we can emphatise with each other. Their tears and their sorrows together with their joys is also mine. As a community, we can have free individuality with total equality and complete unity.”

I celebrate a year of acceptance as a blogger who is a Catholic. It is a transcendence of sort for me. Last year and the years before that, I normally feel very unworthy as a person in Christ because I usually let my real self shows rather than putting on the mask of the good Christian. Until today, I know there are still people who talks behind my back, condemning me to the bottom of the pits just because I uttered one or two f words in their face when they become unbearably pain in the arse. These people are blinded with their ‘I am a Christian so that makes me a good hypocrite to be a good Christian and nothing else.’

But, I have learned to accept who I am. This morning, I received my assignment papers marked by Fr Huan. I actually put in a very frank opinions and reflections and even had the nerve to tell the lecturer, “Sorry for the messy work. Actually, I don’t care about the marks but I feel glad to be able to put down in words the things I had shouldered. The unburdening is worth the course already.” I am not sure our very stern face, no nonsence MA (muka asam) lecturer find it amusing or appalled by my rebellion. I didn’t attend the last class today because I cannot stomach talking about dealing with death in old age when I had seen too many deaths. I don’t want to be a pain in class by arguing with the rest of the people because I think I know it all.

When I get the marked papers through the mail, I was so amused he gave me 46 out of 50 marks and congratulated me for the excellent piece. I submitted late and didn’t earn the 3 markah kesian or it would have been 49/50. One day, when our Catholic church allows women priestess, I will make a good candidate.

I just completed a very, very tough video journalism project. I still haven’t find enough sense of worthiness to put it on my blog. This project has strengthened my faith a lot. Initially, I was taken in by the plights of the people, almost believed all their claims and accusations and almost made a documentary that could potentially harm the image of the church. But divine intervention has given me the opportunity to meet the Bishop with Jimmy Leow, fellow citizen journalist.

Meeting the Bishop is a scary thing because many of my church elders did warn me not to mess with him. I know the risk of a little nobody like me who attempts to ruffle the feathers of a huge iconic figure. But the more I try to avoid the issue, the more accusations were hurled around the internet. Some bloggers who do not know head or tail about how our Catholic church is run are babbling hot airs from their old, senile mind, while puffing smoke from their pipes. So, I decided I am even more unworthy if I don’t use my position as a blogger (an influential one too hehehe) to find the truth. Top that with my video journalisms skills and an understanding team member, I got a video completed. You can find the video here. Thanks, Jimmy for lending me the courage to be a good citizen journalist. Otherwise, I would probably bury the whole project, never attempt to investigate, never try to get the appointment with the Bishop and being fooled by what I see on the outside.

So, yeah, ask yourselves, the bloggers who proudly declared herself/himself as Catholics if you have given Christ the Lord the glory He deserves.

2 thoughts on “It’s me

  1. Learned to accept who I am. This phrase struck me. Why? Try to be perfect, try to master in every thing, try to be leader on anything. It look like ego. Whenever I pray, I always remind who am I and who is my creator.

    Marcellinus´s last blog post..Advice For Newly Married

  2. Hi Lilian, thanks for sharing. Oh yes, I’m a Catholic blogger too. 🙂 (except that I haven’t been updating my blog this year!)

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