The innocent Cik Adik & the dirty-minded 5xmom

*spinsters joke ahead, please GET offended, ok? Weekends are pretty boring so let me stir shit a bit*

Over at the Tesco vegetable weighing counter….

Pretty, young Malay lass in pink tudung, asking the plump mak cik in black tudung beside her, “Kak…..ape ni?” Her voice is so manja.

Meanwhile…5xmom’s dirty mind was roaming and answering her in her imaginary voice, “Tu…batang, cik adik oi. Kulit warna coklat, berbulu pulak tu. Tapi…bila dah buang kulit, berlendir…dik…..betul-betul macam ‘benda’ tu lah…”

My mind has always been corrupted since I worked with a bunch of Ah Beng jewelery production workers long time ago. There was this guy, I forgot his name, who has charisma. Everytime he talks, he engaged people’s attention. He got a very serious look and people like to listen because we do not know what’s coming.

One day, he told us about this spinster who often go to the market to find cucumber. She would take a long time to find the right one. Since she is a spinster and people don’t exactly like every spinster if they carry that spinster persona, they end up at the butt of people’s jokes. Can’t blame us, we are just humans.

So, one day, the vegetable seller got tulan-ed with her and her fussiness, and I bet spinsters like to bargain and whine and are just pain in the arse, he tricked her.

My ex-AhBeng-colleague then went into whisper mode….He said, the vegetable seller used a very sharp razor…..

and he paused…

So, we waited with bated breath…wondering if the vegetable seller use the razor to cut the spinster like how Mano kena….(ok, the mano part is just added in, the other story was real, ok?)

AhBeng colleague said, “The vegetable seller purposely use razor to cut across the kind of cucumber he knew the spinster wants….he cut around it but did not break the cucumber….”

That left us wondering…or at least leave me wondering because I was only 18 yrs old then…Very innocent, ok?

And….suddenly he laughed really loud, ‘Timbun thau tiao ti cibai lai bin’.

He said that exact words so I am only typing it out, I didn’t say bad words ok? For those who don’t understand, he claimed the severed cucumber was stuck in the spinster because she used it as her organic dildo.

Since then, I have never looked at any type of vegetables as mere vege anymore. Every time I will think of the spinster and her stewed cucumber.

Ok, enough of laughing at spinsters joke. What you see above are carrots, lotus root and the phallic looking brown thing is the fresh wai san. It is a kind of root vegetable and I used all the above to boil soup. The fragrance of the soup has reached my nose….Enough of craps for the weekend. I am actually offered USD100 to promote some dildoes but I had rejected the company three times. It is attractive because I can crap and add in the link and you guys won’t even notice it. But in principle, it is against my faith, so I have to reluctantly say no for the third time. Dildoes and cucumbers aren’t so attractive anymore, there are rabbits, you know? Hahaha.