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The forgotten son

I was just randomly checking my emails on my Yahoo account. And I got a notice that Yahoo Geocities is closing down in October. I think che-cheh the blogger has informed me about it but I have not done anything to my Yahoo Geocities sites. I have several. Back then, in 2001/2002 Yahoo Geocities and other free sites run on html.

I have sort of forgotten about these sites because they are not something I want to linger and dwell on. However, they are part of me. I started learning html (the language you need to use to make your things appear online) from scratch.

I shouldn’t have clicked on my own site. It feels just like yesterday when Rosemarie, a bereaved mom from Texas, USA who helped me to put up the site. She was so nice to me, being a stranger and all that. She asked for a song, got the midi file, waited for the photos and things I wanted to put on the site. She did it for me within a day. As we are 12 hours apart, as I slept, she worked. And when I woke up, while she was sleeping, I discovered she had made an online memorial for my son.

Things took off from there. I went on to do the same for other moms after I know how to deal with html. I learned html from an old gentleman from New Zealand, online too. Back then, people were much nicer. We helped each other. I helped a lot of moms cope with the death of their kids, in online forum. And I moved on. And they moved on.

But then, moving on doesn’t mean we lost touch with those feelings we had back then. All it needs is just a small trigger. Like right now. The song by Bette Middler, Wind beneath my wings have always been ‘our song’. Our is Vincent, my fourth son and I.

Come to think of it, I haven’t been wondering how old he is, what he will be like if he is still around or imagining what kind of character he has…etc etc. Maybe time does heal broken hearts. Or I have become so good at lying even to myself. That life is all peachy and all my kids are great. So much so that I have forgotten about the one that has gone too soon.

To comfort myself, yes, I am the most amazing woman because I can learn html online, moved on, changed, find a new God, had another adorable baby 10 months after Vincent’s death and be what I am today.

Come September 24th, 2009, Vincent would be 8 years old. I am not sure if I am going to move the site over to my own hosting or keep in some free WordPress.com. I can’t replicate the same thing, because the feelings are not the same anymore. The original site was built with a bucket of tears.




7 Responses to “The forgotten son”

  1. He will be an angel up there, watching and guarding you, with the help of God.

    🙂

  2. “Since our Chinese culture and belief does not allow small babies to be buried in a graveyard, Mummy is keeping this web page as a memory…….Mummy wants to proclaim to the world that Little Hero had chosen to
    return to the Lord – to a better and kinder place.”

    I personally hope you will maintain the page….because once it’s gone, it’s gone. Besides, this will be a memory for your grandkids and great-grandkids as well. God bless.

  3. *hugz*
    You are such a strong woman, and a source of inspiration.
    Overseas ppl are usually much nicer.
    In Msia, it’s ok too if you stay off the political circuit, where they are really nasty!
    Meet soon!

  4. Lilian

    Hugz.

  5. gosh..just last night while at dinner, wina asked me how old serina cheh cheh will be if she’s alive today…both hubby n I answered in unison..13 years old! n while both of us gaze with that faraway look..we heard wina sigh: how i wish cheh cheh is here with us. sobs…yes how i wish that too. sigh!

  6. Dear Lilian,
    I have been a long time reader of your blog, and this is the first time I felt compelled to leave a comment.

    I am a father of 2 young daughters myself, and the story of your loss really touched my heart. As a believer, too, I also think your son is in a better place now.

    Last but not least, thanks for stepping up to make a difference in the lives of Penangites. How many of us just grumble and complain but never bother to say, “Why not me?”. Salute!

  7. Lilian, personally if you would like to maintain the site, you can convert the whole site into a .com domain. This will remain there for many years to come. Seek any of your IT mates, they will advice you on how to do so but before that, do all the backup to avoid disturbance of the coding.

    Regards,

    William
    Australia