I was just randomly checking my emails on my Yahoo account. And I got a notice that Yahoo Geocities is closing down in October. I think che-cheh the blogger has informed me about it but I have not done anything to my Yahoo Geocities sites. I have several. Back then, in 2001/2002 Yahoo Geocities and other free sites run on html.
I have sort of forgotten about these sites because they are not something I want to linger and dwell on. However, they are part of me. I started learning html (the language you need to use to make your things appear online) from scratch.
I shouldn’t have clicked on my own site. It feels just like yesterday when Rosemarie, a bereaved mom from Texas, USA who helped me to put up the site. She was so nice to me, being a stranger and all that. She asked for a song, got the midi file, waited for the photos and things I wanted to put on the site. She did it for me within a day. As we are 12 hours apart, as I slept, she worked. And when I woke up, while she was sleeping, I discovered she had made an online memorial for my son.
Things took off from there. I went on to do the same for other moms after I know how to deal with html. I learned html from an old gentleman from New Zealand, online too. Back then, people were much nicer. We helped each other. I helped a lot of moms cope with the death of their kids, in online forum. And I moved on. And they moved on.
But then, moving on doesn’t mean we lost touch with those feelings we had back then. All it needs is just a small trigger. Like right now. The song by Bette Middler, Wind beneath my wings have always been ‘our song’. Our is Vincent, my fourth son and I.
Come to think of it, I haven’t been wondering how old he is, what he will be like if he is still around or imagining what kind of character he has…etc etc. Maybe time does heal broken hearts. Or I have become so good at lying even to myself. That life is all peachy and all my kids are great. So much so that I have forgotten about the one that has gone too soon.
To comfort myself, yes, I am the most amazing woman because I can learn html online, moved on, changed, find a new God, had another adorable baby 10 months after Vincent’s death and be what I am today.
Come September 24th, 2009, Vincent would be 8 years old. I am not sure if I am going to move the site over to my own hosting or keep in some free WordPress.com. I can’t replicate the same thing, because the feelings are not the same anymore. The original site was built with a bucket of tears.