You need religion, not wonder bra
Posted on September 9th, 2009 by Lilian • Filed under: Humor
The things women do….
I went to dye and cut my hair today. As usual, hair dyeing will take 45 minutes for the colour and chemical to seep into my brain to give me brain cancer. That means 45 minutes of torture sitting down and waiting. First, I was surfing with my mobile phone but the battery died. Next, I flipped through several women’s magazines. (btw, I dye my hair bcos it makes the hair less oily and I don’t need to wash my hair everyday)
After a while, I have nothing to do so I eavesdrop.
So, there was this auntie around mid fifties. My hairdresser and her assistant were both pulling and tugging auntie’s bra straps because she said the bra doesn’t give her enough lift.
You see, my hairdresser sells some women undergarments which cost a bomb. Lucky she never peddles to me. But then, she knows I am not the talkative type and will not buy her ideas.
These are not just any type of underwears but those corsets type like those Victorian women wears. And you can buy with Maybank credit card and pay in six installments. Fulamak, what kind of expensive underwears are those lah?
Back to the bra and boobs, the hairdresser’s assistant then showed to auntie how to get valley. Niamah eh, like that also can? From my mirror, I could see the action going on at the back.
“See see, first you must bend forward a bit. Then, let the nen-nen come to the front. Then hor, you pull the cups higher, then, pull the strap. Like this, your nen-nen will look bigger.”
Of course, all the above were said in Hokkien, which made it double vulgar.
Tiu lor, in another 10 years time, when I am 55 years old, I don’t think I will even remember if my boobs exist. Cos hor, I don’t want to suddenly faint one day and people thinks it is due to hypertension or a heart attack. Then, when people try to rescue me, they found I was actually choking and strangling myself to death with a set of corset that needs to be paid in six installments using my Maybank credit card.
Seriously…what’s with women nowadays? Is exterior beauty and shall I say sexiness really that important? Come on, at over 50s? Still need to have valleys and hills? I just don’t get it.
Then again, I think those Chinese magazines are to be blamed. While I was thumbing through the magazines, I notice many of the Mandarin magazines love to feature those ugly photos of supposedly beautiful actresses. There was one with Ling Ching Hsia and Karina Lau with their wrinkles nd flabs. Those magazines have loads of Botox, breast enhancements, double eye-lids, slimming, etc advertisements.
And I believe all these poor women sort of buy into the idea of remaining young and beautiful. So, they don’t mind going through the troubles. Like trying to stuff two small prunes to make them look like ripe melons?
Sigh…it is easy for me to talk cock, I think. But if one day the insecurities creep in, I hope I don’t succumb to pay in six installments for a set of corset and a wonder bra.
I guess I won’t. Not when I have such a tomboy attitude. Who cares about breasts and valleys when you don’t need to use them to get up the corporate ladder or provide human milk, right? Then, they serve no purposes, right?
Oh, about my title and the religion part. I forgot why I use the title already.