I shouldn’t be sneaking around and reading people’s inner thoughts published on the www. But then, when I stumbled on some freaky things, I cannot keep quiet either.
One mother was terribly disappointed that her two very young children are not keeping up with their peers. She is sad that the kids are not able to read and write like the rest of their peers.
So, there are some mothers who consoled her and some agreed with her about feeling disappointed. And there is a few who said they felt they had wasted their career and not ‘achieving’ anything.
Therefore, ladies, I got to rant a bit lah. Remember lah, our kids are not our ‘achievement trophy’ ok? If you are going to stop working and waste your life in batik nightdress and teaching Montessori to your kids, it is your own fault, your own responsibility and no one is going to thank you for it.
Don’t be foolish to think that just because you are a full time mother, your kids are going to reward you by being the best student in class. Kids are not for us to shape like that. Some are smarter, some are just so-so. What matters are they are happy and we are happy.
It is scary that women think that they can play the martyr by leaving a career and mould that kid into a star so that they can share the limelight with them. I bet a lot of poor kids have been pressured by kiasu mothers like those. And not to mention the many poor husbands who have to live with a grouchy, asking for recognition martyr wives.
Women, don’t be stupid lah. Don’t go and kill yourselves over your kids and your husbands. It is not worth it one. Just do it, i.e. leave your job and be at home, simply because you enjoy the freedom. Otherwise, you will probably ended up being an old hag with a super bitchy mood.
Me? I left my job because I couldn’t cope with three kids who had to be dropped at three different locations. I left my job because I was ready. I certainly did not leave my job because I was utterly in love being a housewife. My ex-colleagues didn’t believe I was going to be a housewife. My boss too told me I will never get used to it.
And yes, I never got used to it. I am still pretty much my own person. I never lose my own identity. I was never Mrs. so&so or Master so&so’s mom. I am me, myself, I.
If you are full time mother, you better find that self of yours back before you made life constipated for your kids, your husband and your in-laws.
The other day, my little boy was like the star of the evening because he won prizes and was the main star in the terribly long school play. Was I feeling soooo proud of him? Not really. It was his own achievement and I have no part in it. I never pressure or push him into anything, if he is good, he is just being good. I think we parents have to have that detachment or else, I tell you, your kids are going to hate you.
It’s your life, live it.
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Thank God my mom didn’t give any pressure to me or else I don’t think I’ll be as happy as I am now.
My best friend in primary school had a mom who would cane her if she got lower grades than me. Luckily for both of them, this didn’t happen very often, but I felt really sorry for my friend.
After reading your article, I wonder whether my friend would have suffered so much if instead of being a full time home maker, her mother had had a full time career instead where she could unleash her ‘competitive’ spirit?
you are right ! clap ! clap ! clap !
definitely agree!!!!!!!!!!!
that day my son’s report card day at kindie. I was acherli thinking “DIU… so fake” If they give A, u really think ur son Genius ah? If give C or D? (which will never happenlah cos the teachers will kena teruk from parents – “how come my kid perform so badly in YOUR class?”). So hai mai FAKE DOU SEI?? So ah, I don’t care what happened in school one..unless behavioral problems lah. Teacher complained about my son’s handwriting, and I can only agree..”yaloh yaloh. Boys handwriting always messy one..” Chartoe..
Well said Lilian. I do have friends who do the same thing, always comparing and pushing their kids to be top. Sometimes i do feel bad la, like whether i’m a good mom or not. At those times my kids will do something out of ordinary that will make me think …not bad la they are achievers too. My main concern with my 2 kids are their behaviour la. I’m not preparing my kids to be only for the hhigh flying job but to be future adults that you can live with… if u know what i mean 😉
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Hi, i’ve just created a blog and starting reading other people’s blogs. I totally agree with your point of view here. I despise kiasu mothers, and trust me i know a bunch of them! I’ve been through a lot with my little boy, and i’ll be grateful if he turns out to be a GOOD, HAPPY and KIND-HEARTED young man!
Ya lor.. ya lor.. ya lor… All these mothers always talk like they are so “wai tai”… give up so much so that their kids have the best.. but actually, the kids are the poor thing one.. kena pushed and drilled everyday!! Kena robbed of all the joy of being a child.
There was once my little monster came back from school to tell me that she is worried that her partner in class is going to kena bad because that little girl didnt score above 95. I asked my monster what happened and she relate to me that her partner was so scared to go home because she didnt score above 95.. she had 80+… Like that also can ah? That poor kid really kena according to my monster.. Came back to school the next day with cane marks on legs and my monster was so shocked! To my monster, she never kena canning because of school work.. fail also wont kena ma…
Ya la.. what is there to get so worked up about exams and results? This round tak jadi, next round la.. To me, all I want is my monster enjoy learning and have good memories of her schooling life. If kenot study than ma si take up a skill la.. wont die one.. for all anyone know, those people with skill earn much more $$ and are more happy compared to those degree holders.
Agree…and I think if we don’t get worked up with the kids ‘achievement’, mothering can be more enjoyable.
Lilian, i have to confess that i am a bad mummy, becoz i never quit my job when i was adviced to ( my 2 months old monster was hospitalize due to …), i never force both my monsters to do things and i gave them liberty to choose ( and according to both grandma+s i gave them too much liberty), bed time is early of the wee morning and waking up when the sun burns the buttocks (according to grandma+s i am not a disciplining them well enough), etc but i have one thing very clear in mind & my husband’s mind. they r kids and they have their rights to enjoy childhood, learn and play at their pace and WE HAVE NO RIGHT TO ROB IT AWAY. Many top corporate woman are great mommy. it is how we manage life. If we can’t manage ourselves how are we going to manage the kids leh?? sigh. i really “look “Up on” those ppl who make their kidos as achievement trophies” when they themselves never made it to the top. THANK GOD that my mom wasn’t one of those “mummy”.