Haih…today I had to deal with the dirtiest thing a mom gotta deal with. Shits.

And thank goodness I went to visit my son during his breaktime or else all hell breaks loose. Probably he will be so traumatised and hate me for the rest of his life…

You see, I had try to wean him off me. I cannot be driving him to school at 7.45 am, get kick out of the school compound (because of the stupid firebombing, the security was tighten), only to return at 10am. Any earlier, I have to stand outside the lock school gates.

Then, between 10.10 am (sometimes he gets out as early as 10am) until 10.30 am, I will be standing like a fool while he has his plate of rice and then, play with his friends.

At 10.30 am, once again, we get kicked out. And only return at 12.30 or 12.00 noon on Friday to fetch him. Again, we are locked out and I had to stand under the hot sun till the gate is opened.

So, this morning, I have notice of an event by the CM. I wanted to go because I know he is going to say something about the Selangor CPO threatening to arrest CM. I told my son he can start having breaktime on his own because all his kindie friends are doing that. To add on, I said he is such a man now so he doesn’t need me anymore. After all (insert the comparison tone), his elder brothers all went to school on their own and never need mommy to visit at breaktime.

But in the morning, he was about to break into tears when he said, “But I want you to come and see me at breaktime….” *red rimmed eyes, quivering mouth and head rubs on me action*

Like it or not, I promised him I will see him. Anyway, I went ahead with the event because it starts at 8 am and by my calculation, I can leave by 9.45 am. True enough, I really finished before 9.45 am and got the video I wanted.

I was still early and had to stand outside the school gate *rolls eyes*. So, he had his break. He ate halfway. He said, “I got stomach ache”

And die lah, this mother freaked out at the thought of going into a school public toilet. *cold sweats* But I acted so cool. Cover his plate of rice and both of us ran to the toilet. Ran as in really running.

He went, “I got pangsai lediiiiiii”
I told him, “Don’t worry, take off your pants.”
But the blardy white shoes (he wears size 3 btw) are so big, so unless he takes off the shoes, the pants and boxer won’t come off. And my boy never pangsai with his pants half way down. So, this poor woman gotta explain to him, “No worries….you just squat down with the pants midway.” Aiyor, not only a mom got to teach her son to pee right, she also must teach how to shit squatting down with pants midway. (we women do that all the time mah)

Doh…God makes us women super cunning, super tough and super cool.

He couldn’t make it in time, if you know what I mean. So, I had to stand in that tiny cubicle with stinky air, looking at stinky stuffs while smiling at him with Saint Mader Lilian angelic smile that says everything is ok when mommy is here.

“Never mind…mommy will wash the floor afterwards. No smelly lah, it is just your foods.” (who are you lying lah, Lilian oi)

He complained smelly lah, dirty lah…Ish, that’s his own shits, ok?

So, he is finished, I clean his butt and shoo-ed him of the toilet. While poor Saint Mader Lilian had to do the dirty job of stirring shits and making sure the floor is cleaned.

Lucky I hadn’t had breakfast. Boy went back to eat his breakfast like normal. Poor mom is still traumatised by experience.

God, please let this be the one and the last. Anyway, I took my boy home after that because I don’t want to risk him doing it when I wasn’t in school. Anyway, it is Friday and he has only English lesson which is like kacang putih to my boy. So, I filled the form for Kebenaran Balik Rumah and tralalalalala, both of us came home. We showered with extra soap, double bathing because the trauma still can’t leave my mind.

But he wasn’t one bit traumatised, thanks to Saint Mader Lilian and her bunch of lies.