Once again, it is going to be another Sunday where I have to keep Jesus waiting while I work. By now, I have shed that unknown, unproven, unwritten fear that if I miss church, I am bound for hell and must go for confession before I celebrate another mass.
*sigh* It’s is hard being a Catholic because I seem to have more ‘No’ than ‘Yes’. If I am a peasant woman back in biblical time, I probably can leave my sheeps, oxen and goats on the hill while I go down and share bread and wine with my fellow shepherds. But I don’t have that luxury. Weekends are either spent away from home, working or working. Yup, there are only two choices. Either I am not in Penang (was in Hongkong the previous 2 Sundays, going to be in Singapore next Sunday) or I am working. Last week, I was soooo busy with Tun Lim’s funeral that I even forget to sms my choir leader that I couldn’t attend practice.
This is a photo of my church, taken with my brand new camera, Olympus EP -1. Using pop-art filter, whatever that is. I bought a new camera today because I find it so hard to do any food blogging without a compact camera. But now, people aren’t into large DSLR nor those kiddoes compact point and shoot. Now, they are incorporating the features of DSLR and neat, compact camera into one. The price is not cheap but I am worth it.
The new camera has so many fun features, nice videos and I can imagine doing away with my backpack soon. One of these days, I am going to get the fried sotong because I refused to buy any video cam nor DSLR. My boss asked me to submit my request order but I didn’t. We need to submit request for the state budget and when approved, then only I can buy. If I missed the boat (which I did), I won’t get it. I didn’t want to tie myself to a huge, expensive camera because it is cumbersome. The other thing is I do not want people to start ordering me around to take this event, take that event because if they invested in me, I got to deliver. And frankly, I don’t see myself working forever in this job.
Of course, I love the job. I love the cause. I believe LGE can delivers and I will help however I can. But I am not one who can play along with corporate events, shiok sendiri events by organisations and such. It is suffocating, meaningless and doesn’t go the way I have in my heart.
Many times, I would be silently and sometimes loudly praying in my car when I am going to an assignment. I would be lamenting, “Oh Jesus….I am so sick of these. Show me my role and Your purpose. I can die of boredom going through another opening, another award, another speech. I want to see humanity, love, care, real human emotions, not fake smiles, not sugar coated words to please the VIPs and all those pretentious routines people do.” Of course, don’t be mistaken. I am not talking about LGE but rather, the endless stream of people that he meets. Urrggh….
Hmmm…It is just me and my savior ideals. It’s like, if I am going to live, I want to live in a real world with real human emotions. Like those times when I had the best learning experience in the cancer hospital where patients broke their barriers and just be their real, vulnerable self.
Anyway…I am glad I have roots in the Catholic church. I had been missing from the place too much. But I suppose God has His purpose and I will just grit my teeth and swallow some of the boring stuffs and maybe, I will know why later. So, it is another Sunday of taking photos and videos of the people, of LGE and hopefully, I will have time to get to church. Though I will miss the mass, I will be there for the Christmas choir practice.
I suppose somewhere in the Bible, Jesus did say God’s purpose is too big for us to understand and all God needs is faith from us. I shall have faith that I do serve a purpose in our society. Currently, it is to present LGE to the state like how I expect a good leader to be. *grins*