I am such a sissy. I planned to do a 7-day silent retreat in Chiangmai. Got the money, maybe able to find the annual leaves and yet, I chickened out.

I wrote to the priest, asked a lot of questions, gave a lengthy intro and got immediate response.

With social media, I am following Father DT on Facebook. Seen his face, seen the retreat location on Youtube and almost can visualise me being there.

But I chickened out.

Another two priests here have encouraged me. One told me to pray over it. The other one gave me lengthier pep talk. One had gone through a course with me. The other knows why I want to go.

Yet I chickened out.

I am not afraid of being in solitude. I think I will like it. I am not afraid of the almost ‘nothing to do’ 7 days where I don’t talk to anyone except for a short session with my spiritual guide.

Yes, I chickened out.

Otherwise, I would book myself an Air Asia flight. Apply my leave (and cross my fingers and toes there will be no general election where everyone’s leave is frozen). And start praying.

Such session usually leaves one with a different outlook about life. I am not prepared, I suppose. I guess I feel I am spiritual enough. Any deeper, I will probably be wandering in the dessert desert eating grasshoppers.

But the recent silly encounter with mr chubby face brother-in-christ tony yewdas (in case you dun get it, Judas is the betrayer) does make me wonder if I should. You know..not many people get featured by Utusan, mentioned in the same breath as Ambiga by none other than Ibrahim Ali. That doesn’t make me one bit scared. Because I know what I stand for. I did nothing wrong and yet, I was put on Utusan. (in case you missed it, the article is here http://www.utusan.com.my/utusan/info.asp?y=2011&dt=0701&pub=Utusan_Malaysia&sec=Politik&pg=po_10.htm)

So, in that fiasco, I do wonder if I should take on the challenge and be a bit more spiritual. Stop, listen and talk to God in a silent 7-day retreat where I have nothing, no one but the green fields and God.

So, I do wonder if I should take up the challenge. Nay….I am better off not venturing into the deep sea.