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Finally, a morning without alarm clock!

I know this is a stupid and pretty lame title but it is like a breath of fresh air for me. I have forgotten when was the last time I get to go to sleep as late as I want and never have to wake up until I am awake.

Of course, the times when I was away from Penang are not counted because when I am in another state for holiday, I try to wake as early as possible to make sure I spend as much time as I can at that place.

So tonight I get to sleep at 2 am, 3 am or anytime. Tomorrow morning, I don’t have assignments. And no church!

Talking about church, I made myself go to church two weeks ago. I figure out I have to face my church parishioners, somehow.

It was during the heat of the matter when I was accused of instigating Christians to march in Bersih. I don’t normally admit things but I was feeling rather fearful of the responses. Some of the older church folks may misunderstood me. They may think I have dug a hole and got myself into trouble.

But God loves me. And send loving and understanding friends to give me the support I so needed. I got hugged. I got encouraging words. I received tight grip handshakes which says ‘I support you’. I have guys who are totally pissed and one jokingly asked me if I want to whack Tony Yew. He said all I need is to say yes. I just love these sort of acceptance.

During the mass, I suddenly broke down for the first time. I never shed a tear or felt victimised at all during the whole time. All those who know me, work with me know that I was my usual self and laughed my way through.

But when Father Bernard mentioned Dr. Jeyakumar’s name and all the other EO6 (who were just released the day before), suddenly I felt the burdens on me. I felt so alone, so overwhelmed, so betrayed and asked why it has to happen to me? I sobbed for a while during collections (the part where they pass the money bag around) and maybe beyond that.

But I am me. By the time we had our communion, I see the reason. Actually I knew the reason. Just that I never see it in perspective like the time when I was in church. I felt alone not because there was no one but the realisation that this is something bigger and it is not something I can explain.

So, after that, I am pumped up to deal with whatever that comes my way. I am still waiting for my Mac to be returned. Or I be charged. I wish they can make it quick and sweet. I wonder if there is such a thing as ‘Case Closed’ announcement or do I wait indefinitely.

Seriously, Christians shouldn’t just keep their mouths shut and not carrying out their duties to be the voice to the voiceless. There are so many injustices going on and I certainly won’t pull my head in and be the tortoise. A lot of well-meaning friends do ask me to do that. Keep a low profile, don’t express opinions so much, better ‘give way’ and all sort of ideas. I am too nice to tell them back that it is because of people like them, more people are suffering injustices. I don’t have to quote anything or anyone big. I have seen the eyes of mothers like Kugan’s mom, I have seen the haunting look of Teoh Beng Hock’s sister and those are enough to tell me never to shut my mouth and keep myself all cosy because out there, lots of people are hurting.

No way! I put my faith in Jesus Christ. Whatever it is, I know I am not into this alone. Lately, things have gotten even crazier. Things get twisted so much, we lost the plot. Suddenly, we Christians are seen as the evil one out to brainwash people to believe.

I am quite disappointed with the Selangor MB and don’t understand why he is quoted to say that he will solve the issue after Raya. I am quite happy that PAS leaders are ready to meet with the church involved. I am not defending the church in total but the people there have to speak up. Surely there are lots of eyewitnesses? Surely they are not afraid to say what actually happened?

It is sad. How we are so torn apart though our faiths which taught us to love one another. The little people like you and I don’t see ourselves painted in colours and separated by our faith. But the media and those politicians kept putting the wedges between us. And we are too afraid to speak up. Plus those people who are too polite to say or do anything allowed the wedges to be pushed further and further away.

Seriously, I think we failed if allow this to go on. This is especially so when Christians claim they shouldn’t be involved in politics. The politicians are the ones making our lives miserable or good so if we stay away, how are we to make sure they toe the line?

Arrggh..how did a simple go to bed late, wake up late blog post turned into this? Never mind, the conclusion is, I am urging all Christians to learn to express their thoughts. Make people understand what makes us tick. Make it known that we respect others and our Lord taught us that we did not choose God but God chose us. So, there is no way we can force a person into our faith.

If we keep to ourselves, in our little cloistered world, being the prayerful one minus the interactions, people may even think we are the evil one with a cross ready to zap someone into believe and following like a zombie.

*the zombies are coming…………*




One Response to “Finally, a morning without alarm clock!”

  1. Hi auntie lilian,

    I’ve read your articles in Star and your blogs since I was in high school. After reading your blog for more than 10 years, I have nothing but respect for you for all you’ve gone through and yet you still can come out stronger than before.

    p/s: I was really saddened when you shut down your blog. Very happy now that you have revived your blog!

    Please know that you also have many other silent readers like me who support you. Please keep doing what you are doing. It is because of people like you that our country still has hope. Thank you for doing what you do.