You know, there is something that I have always wanted to lament. Anyway, I deleted my Christian blog few days ago. There is some malware alert and my webhost shut the server and asked me to remove the files that contain the so-called virus. I couldn’t find it and have no idea what to do.

So, in frustration, I decided to delete the whole WordPress blog. I took it as a little divine intervention. Days after the police came to my house to ‘investigate me for inciting Christians’, I got that notice from the webhost that my Christian blog has been made unavailable until I solve it.

I took the co-incidence that my Christian blog was made unavailable during the heat of the issue as God’s little prompting. Although I know what I had written and can take full responsibility for my Christian thoughts, I cannot guarantee that those comments left by the people are fine.

That blog comes out tops in many of the touchy Christian issues so I don’t want to risk it. This crazy place we live in have gone so crazy, now law doesn’t matter anymore. It is about who can talk the loudest and they win.

Anyway, back to this Catholic thing. I had skipped masses at my church this weekend due to work. Work, work, work. They clash with my mass. So, I thought, ‘Chey, never mind, Jesus won’t miss me if I don’t sit there and sing this week’. But something bugs me and I decided to rush over to IC church for the evening mass.

I was like so amazed with the renovation. Aircond somemore! And I sat there and suddenly notice, OMG, that’s my doctor. Oh oh, he is a communion minister somemore. So, now I cannot lie to him that I do exercise 30 minutes everyday and follow the DASH diet like what he advised. Ish ish ish, you can lie to your doctor but not your brother-in-Christ, you know?

I was early. So, I continue sitting and staring. And I was tilting my head, left,right and try to figure out why Jesus looks so feminine in the church stained glass one? Why not like my CHS one? Why so many little children around? Then, only it dawned on me that it’s Mary Immaculate Conception, when the angel Gabriel went to her and tell her she is bearing a child and all those are little angels or seraphims or cherubim or wateva. *roll eyes*

Then, the priest started talking about Najib, the cross, the Vatican bla bla bla….I do get a bit guilty cos it was like he is reprimanding some of us for doubting the Archbishop. He made it so convincing that we have acted against God. Cos he linked from the parishioner (me) to him (priest) to Bishop to Archbishop to the Holy Father to Peter (the St Peter) to the lineage of all the previous Popes (265 of them if I am not mistaken) to being obedient and yadda yadda yadda to Jesus.

I don’t know lah. Penang being such a tiny island, I can go church hopping. It is refreshing to listen to different priest homilies. And sometimes, it is nice to just walk in being unnoticed and leave without the usual social networking. I will continue this Sabbath. I have stopped all my church duties. I used to serve in three ministries but due to my doctor telling to me slow down after I got sick the other day, I am now free. Have to because work took up the rest of the time.

It is not like I am putting work before God. I see my work as a community thing. And anyway, it is not so nice to go to a church for the first time, meet the priest for the first time and kena bambu about not living as a church. I.e. not serving the community I live in.

So, here I am. Once again, wondering about this Catholic thing. I seriously think Catholic church should provide more support to newly converted Catholics. There is almost nothing to sustain us after the baptism. Usually, people of different faith turned to Catholicism due to a few things. One is to marry another Catholic and hence, ‘forced’ to follow the faith. The other is like me, where we went through a rough patch and need an anchor to cling to. But when we are on smoother journey, faith become less important and some actually dropped out of the cycle of going to mass every Sunday.

I met one of my RCIA course mate today. She and I are the few whom had endured and continue serving the church. Many of my other RCIA coursemates aren’t around anymore. A couple of them actually join other non-Catholic church. Seriously, if we get that sort of ‘reminders’ from priest that we are not building the ‘church’ that Jesus asked Peter to do, we will begin to doubt if we are even good enough for the church anymore.

For a moment, I did almost believe that I had been disobedient to God because I didn’t agree with the Archbishop’s action over certain things because the priest said so. But then, I am lucky. I get little promptings and I know I am not. God gave me a free will and my free will said that I don’t have agree with certain things.

So, Lilian the Obnoxious One stays rooted to Christ, to be brave and to be vocal.