Good reads are those real thoughts
Posted on October 1st, 2011 by Lilian • Filed under: Life and rants
I am quite inspired by my last blog post. So happy to see so many familiar faces still around and understand how I feel about bloggers and blogs.
You know, we have really turned into shits. I just read The Malaysian Insider and they quoted our country leader saying ‘We have the recording…..(of LGE purportedly ‘shame’ some folks). That is probably a slip of the tongue of our country leader using the wrong ‘kata nama’. Maybe he should have said, ‘They (the TV station) have the recording?’. Or is this a real cause for concern. I don’t know about others but I find it scary that a country leader can refer to what was published on TV (and it is an issue that will have legal implications) as ‘We’. Meaning, he is part of it. He said it himself.
Why scary? Because we are like having no more privacy. That recording is just an audio recording, in a private function, meant for that few people. Yet, it has been turned into a huge debacle. Like we are all owned by ‘them’. Whoever that is. They are in our bedroom, they are in the boardroom, they are in the brothel, they are everywhere. Oh mommy! I am scared now! *grins*
Just like my case. I have no privacy in expressing something in my mind. Someone will find a way to make my thoughts theirs hypocrisy. Next week, God’s willing, my dear IO will tell me he can return my Mac to me. I will be thankful if he does.
Or he may not return it to me but charge me. Which I do understand. Somebody has to ‘win’, somewhere…. He had requested I keep the investigation private. Which I did. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel anything nor need to express them. So, you see, it is stupid stupid stupid. This invasion of privacy and then, the huge hoohaa on the media so that someone is seen as ‘winning’.
You know what? Google de-indexed me. Normally it is temporary after I ‘behave’ again. And it is perfect timing. Cos you can’t find me on Google. Which makes me invisible, sort of. Under the radar. Best!
I was just going through some old bloggers’ friends blog and many of them are still writing from their hearts. It is rare now to find blogs like that. Those we write without inhibition, talking even the most mundane things and yet, we write with full contention because it is us.
I met my ex-boss the other day. A Dato’ Seri. Not exactly my boss but the biggest boss. I thought he will not recognise me after all these years. But he immediately called me and said, ‘Lilian, I see you in the papers.’ Die lah, he probably thinks I have advanced from being the most efficient executive secretary in his company to a cyber criminal after all these years.
I am blessed I have not been judged too harsh by the local press. If not, I won’t be able to walk with my head held high. Places like my church, my sons’ schools, neighbourhood, working place….Such is the severity of the game. A person’s image can be killed by bad press if you are on the wrong side of the playing field. It is not a matter of whether you are right or wrong, guilty or not. For that, I thank God and I thank my lucky stars and good friends and trusted people.
I am going to church today. I need Divine’s strength. I won’t bluff that I am not worried (of being charged). I told my IO about it. He didn’t know the full story (of why a messy woman like me can be charged for such huge accusations). He didn’t know because every questions he asked me in the police station, my answer was ‘Saya akan jawab di mahkamah’. Folks, never say anything foolish with your police officer when they are taking statements. Just have a memory loss, ok?
So, yeah, I apologise to my IO that I have to SMS him often. I told him it is not my Mac that I am longing for. It is the closure. I want to know if I am free of that stupid Tony Yew’s accusations or I will be facing more public limelight as the bad woman who is bigger than the Pope and Dato’ Ambiga, more evil than anything else, likely to cause a riot in the country.
He told me nicely not to blog about this investigation. But I have to say that he has been nice, kind and all I want now is to get my Mac back. Or else, I will see you in court.
So, blek. I love you all, for those whom had made this whole two months like a nice stage show and not at all scary. But sometimes, the scary parts do creep in. So, I have to run to Jesus.