Thankful, I guess

This is one of those ‘I don’t know what title to use’ blog post where there are so many things you want to say but you can’t. Yet, bottling them up is like a soda in a bottle waiting to pop.

Yesterday, or is it day before yesterday, someone I least expect said the most unexpected thing that made me feel nothing but grateful. Sometimes, we wonder if God is even listening. We doubt if there is even a religion. We wonder if it is a foolish delusion of a saviour.

We were sitting at a round table for some discussion. She said, ‘You are looking very cheerful and happy. When I saw you after the police case (where my beautiful face was plastered in every papers as the cybercriminal whose big mouth got her employer into the big badass Utusan), you were looking a bit down. I dare not ask you how you are because from your expression, you looked a bit down. That’s why when I saw you (a few days before our discussion), I asked how you are because you are a lot cheerful.’

It may be a simple small talk. But she doesn’t need to do small talks with me because she is not just anybody. She is somebody. Yet, she noticed and she brought it up.

I am not sure if I did look a bit down, maybe I did. Just that I thought my smiles could cover everything. But it probably didn’t. Whatever.

I have a new Macbook now. A very, very new one. Something that I should have gotten over 16 months ago. But my old Mac’s fate is still unknown. How many times have I picked up my phone, keyed in some old question that I had to rephrase a 1,001 ways. But I deleted it. No point asking anymore. I will get the same answer. Tunggu.

So, what do I do but to keep smiling, keep looking cheerful, and keep hoping that someone like the person will sometimes asked me to show their support.

This is better than those whom you thought are close to you but didn’t ask you anything because they already decided that you are guilty and you deserved it and hence, they are just waiting gleefully to laugh. To them, I am thankful that God reveals their true colours from this episode.

So it is always good to be thankful. Even for the enemies within. And the strangers crossing our paths.

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