The thoughts that creep in
Posted on November 2nd, 2011 by Lilian • Filed under: Faith
I thought I will reach church too early today. I was working and decided to drive to Green Lane for mass at 8pm. I left about 7 pm and was looking forward to spend at least 30 minutes in solitude.
However, a terrible jam made me spent all the time on the road. By the time I got there, it is almost 8pm.
I felt so tired and sleepy because it has been very hectic and listening to politicians shouting at each other in the state assembly drained me out. It is worst than listening to your kids fighting over a toy for hours.
I slumped at the pew, yawned and almost fell asleep during the Tamil readings. I notice seven English words take up like three lines of Tamil writings. Wow, it must be very hard to learn Tamil!
It is All Saints Day. And the ‘Come to Me to all you who are wearied and burdened’ doesn’t exactly pick me up like it does usually. I am just too tired and wanted the mass to end as soon as possible.
Father B’s homily also couldn’t create any spark in me. I know it is not one of those days when I went in and came out recharged. It is my non-walau-eh day. Sigh…to think that I have driven in the rain, in the jam, inspite of all my tiredness and I can’t find walau-eh moment.
So, there was this part where we knelt down. And somehow, my thoughts crept to other things than trying to concentrate on mass. I don’t think of myself or what I can get from making this trip.
And I thought of these people. I am not sure why but they were in my thoughts. Just like how Christians tend to say those cliche words like ‘You will be in my thoughts and prayers’. You have heard a lot of that from Christians, right? Sometimes, do you wonder if they even mean it? I also offer such comforting words to people and yeah, I do forget I even promise and forget them. *guilty*
So, these people came into my mind. Maybe it is Jesus’s way of nudging me that it is not about me, me, me but you, you, you.
1) To my dear neighbour/church member who had to undergo chemotherapy, I pray and thank God that you are not much affected by the treatment. Seeing you tonight in church is a joy to me because I know you have been strengthen by the Lord.
2) To Uncle Phillips, holding your hands and showing that I missed seeing you around the altar is a blessings. I hope you know that we all love you and without you, now everyone has to work with a list. LOL. You have been working so hard for the church and I hope you have a nice time retiring from making sure everything runs like clockwork. May the Lord grants you good health always.
3) To Seong, my dear young friend from St. Nicholas. Talking to you on Saturday opened my eyes. Getting an email from you makes me happy. You told me you read my blog regularly and that is such an honour. Seong is visually impaired and yet, he could surf the internet and in inverted commas read my blog. Seong, I hope you read or rather hear this. Continue to inspire others, Seong. You are a hero.
4) To someone dear, whatever you are going through, I am with you.
5) And to myself, I pray that I always have that energy and bubbles to deal with the good shits and the bad shits. Of course, I didn’t use the shit word in my prayers. But I ask the Lord that I will continue to live with the belief of an eternal life and never lose sight of it. Last Sunday, I listened intently to Tok Guru Nik Aziz. TGNA said many of us live without the belief of akhirat and kiamat. We don’t believe in judgement and hence, we live a life full of sins. He reminded that humankind must have a guidebook and he was referring to the Quran.
I want to live with a guide too. My guide is the Bible though. I converted to Catholicism because back then, I wanted to believe in eternal life so that my son Vincent will live on. Now, I must continue hankering for that promise of eternal life or else life gets too hard to endure.
Now, I am wide awake. Not because I have been recharged from mass. But because of the masala tea I drank at 10pm during dinner. *roll eyes*
Sorry my blog post doesn’t always make sense.