Between desolation and consolation

Just imagine, Lady Gaga suddenly broke out in a song ‘Just Dance’ in the midst of Psalm. Thank God the cantor was loud and Lady Gaga didn’t stop everyone in their track of getting in touch with Jesus. If that had happened when the whole church was silent for the Gospel, I will die of embarrassment.

I looked around and was on the verge of getting annoyed that someone’s phone is ringing and no one is doing anything to it. Idiots! Whose phone is ringing? Then, I turned around and Albert a former choir member looked at me. OMG, could it be mine?

And true enough, it is! How did my Nokia phone goes off like that? It is the alarm and it is set at 10:15. And my phone was in Silent Mode! Plus I never use the phone as an alarm anymore.

So, I bravely act like nothing peculiar happened. And cooly tried to shut the darn thing off. I took it as Jesus’s wake up call for me.

Aptly, today’s homily delivered by Father B is about waking up, living and moving on. Rarely do I get such beautiful messages from an hour’s in church. Father B talked about living life. And I sat back, smirking that at least I have done that part quiet well.

I had swung from desolation, hitting rock bottom, down there in the heaps of helpless people, grasping for air. I had thoughts of the ‘how nice if this ends soon’ when my son was on the verge of dying and I was on the verge of escaping the agonies by dying along with him.

But God has built me tougher, just like a Ford. I kicked off all those fears, pains, hurts, disappointments and I lived. I live a much better life. I found the God that was sorely lacking previously.

Father B also reminded us about King David when his son died. He had a son from the woman he bedded after he sent the husband to war and die. Actually, the Bible is full of such scandalous, cheating chaps. When I was teaching catechism class, it is hard to explain to 13 years old how God can allow such people into the Bible, which they think is the holiest of books. Anyway, Father B said there is a time to grief, and we must move on after a period of time. He talked about King David tearing off his mourning garments and put on his kingly suit (or something like that lah).

And Father B is being realistic when he said we can swing from desolation to consolation if we are reminded of Jesus’s presence. And yeah, there are days when I am utterly fed-up when my earnest prayers do not bear fruits.

Today is one of those wonderful days when things may not seem very rosy but at least I am reminded of Jesus’s saving help. I met someone. He previously had a very bad bike accident. He recovered. He recently had a stroke. He is a pub singer, long ponytail and all that. But today, he is sitting there frail.

I went over to catch up with him. I found out many things about him. Things that I wouldn’t have bothered asking if he is not looking so alone and vulnerable.

I told him to stay strong and that his will and faith have been an inspiration to me. And I am pretty sure many are also inspired. That he could hobble back to church despite of his situation now. He can no longer ride in his big bike (actually the bike was a total loss previously). He had to be helped to get to church. But he came, he sat there, so determined is his faith. Both of us can’t join the Christmas choir this year. He because of his health, me because I do not want to kill myself with stresses of duties at work and church.

I just heard that one of my son’s school mate have passed away in an accident. A quick look at the Facebook tells me he is studying law in a university in KL. I can’t bear to think of the parent’s grief. I can only pray for strength. A big reminder how precious our lives are and how important it is to live. To live now. At this very moment.

Because Father B just reminded us this morning. Live. Live it to the fullest. To live is to love. To love is to care. Though it may hurt sometimes, it is better to have live than to wait.