It is one of those days when all those Mother’s Day commercialism annoyed the hell out of me. Every darn products are selling their products based on guilt trips and emotional blackmailing.
Sour grapes like me pooh-pooh at such things. They are corny, insincere and just pure commercialism.
After being a mother for so many years, I think I can bravely say this without worrying that others will condemn me for being a bitter mom, a depraved woman or whatever bitchy description they can think off.
Two nights ago, I happened to take a quick glance at my sleeping boys. The big one and the young one and the two in-between. And when people are asleep, they all look so innocent and vulnerable.
And I am amazed they all came out from me. It is really amazing, you know? If you have not have an adult child, you probably can’t comprehend. And if you DO have an adult child but never stop in wonderment and thank God for the blessing, I say you have not live fully enough.
So, Mother’s Day or not, I am pretty happy everyday because I have pretty decent good kids. Not the smartest, not the highest achievers, not the most outstanding but they are all great and best to me.
These few days, people have been sharing some baby with severe disabilities story on Facebook. Also the video of the mom who abused her own child.
I feel distance and detached. I had been down that path once. When I had planned my life to revolve around a disabled child, visualising how I was going to get my three older boys to cope with one supposed to be a cerebral palsy affected brother. I even started looking for schools for him. That didn’t happened. But I know I would have coped well. Because love conquers all.
Then, there was this harsh condemnations from every layer of people, moms, young girls and all about the woman who kept hitting her child. I can’t say I had been down that path. But I admit I too had lost my cool and had given a fair share of whackings to my children.
Of course, none of us had beaten our kids in that cruel way. But still we moms had done so. Sometimes, I know I did the right thing is getting them to behave. Sometimes, I wonder how much damages I have done? But one thing that I am very mindful of now, is never to hurt my children with harsh words.
I had seen some frightening moms who never realised their actions hurt their children’s confidence. I cringed. I cursed silently in my mind.
Mother’s Day probably didn’t mean much to me because I cannot say that I had been very close to my own mother. Yes, I was a good daughter, she was a dotting mom. But sometimes, I think I would have been a much more confident adult, if she had not been such a wet blanket. It is not her fault, of course. It is the Chinese tradition, I suppose. The question like, ‘Are you sure you can do it?’
But then, maybe I had always gone out of my way to prove to myself that I can do it, whatever the IT is because people think I can’t.
Its scary sometimes. That I don’t grow up with a father’s figure and a mother’s figure to me is nurturing by way of giving me foods, shelter and the ‘are you sure you can do it?’
Bah….I am so negative these days.