The rare blog post
Posted on June 25th, 2012 by Lilian • Filed under: Life and rants
Tonight is one of those nights when I feel like rambling on and on and on in a blog post. Facebook doesn’t provide the space to write lengthy thoughts. Moreover, in a place like Facebook, I sometimes hate the responses.
It is like everyone thinks I am talking to them. Some just don’t get it that I am not interested to enter into a conversation with them. I just want to express, pour out, rant, scold and I don’t need them to come and console me, advise, whatever shits they think they are good at.
So, yeah, a blog post I will write tonight. Though I don’t quite know what I am going to write. That’s the beauty of having a blog. You started out with a blank page and just let your thoughts run freely.
First lets talk about my Mac. This morning, I went to church, albeit very reluctant. But I am glad I went because so many people asked me about my Mac. It makes me feel less lonely and scary when I know people know what I am going through.
In fact, three people asked me how’s the case. Well….the matter is now given to the AG at Putrajaya. Big names and high places. I had gone through so many topsy-turvy feelings. Sometimes good because there are friends and strangers who were really there for me when I felt a bit excited about the matter. It is times like these that you discover who are the people you can rely on and who actually don’t give a shit if you get into trouble, or not.
Lawyer friends told me now I should just wait to be charged. Or not. But I guess they will keep me waiting. Well, that’s all there is now. Waiting.
I am a restless person. But that restlessness had taken me through a lot of things. It has moved me forward. I don’t know if it is good or bad that when I start something, I see the end I hope for. The bad is, it is scary where it leads me.
I just got myself into something new recently. It is a long commitment but I am pretty sure I will be able to endure it, complete it and serve. Sometimes, I wonder what I will be doing should I get tired of my current job? I am pretty sure I will go back to church and run around doing things like I used to.
Which brings me to another thing…..Scary that I always have things planned, or the need to have things waiting in the future. Why can’t I just picture myself, doing nothing, gardening maybe and just past my days? Why oh why do I have to that ‘great big plan’ of things?
Which brings me to another topic. Our new homes will be ready quite soon. Once again, it is moving home. And I am not looking forward to it. Maybe both older sons won’t be around to help with the moving. There will be less excitement. But whatever it is, I shall have to have faith that things will work out somehow. Looking at the calendar, there will be no big Christmas or Chinese New Year do this year. There I go again, planning in advance…
So, I shall just stop here and Trust in the Lord with all my heart. That everything will just fall in place. Whether I will be charged. How we are going to juggle the new place and my other apartment. Whether we are going to be for Christmas. Bah…worry wart signing off. This is very unusual for me. To be a worry wart.