Back when we were allowed to be more vulnerable

I was just thinking….

how Facebook has spoilt the blogging mood.

Before Facebook, there was blog. And bloggers like me could afford to be vulnerable, angry, pissed, happy and whatever and however I feel at that moment.

Comments were not many and hence, I believe I live within the circle of the less than 10 people I know. So, I could blurt whatever and about whomever.

Now, I don’t have that luxury because you keep seeing familiar faces on the sidebar of Facebook. It is a killjoy cos you see your priests’ photos staring at you when you want to crap something ‘sinful’.

Or you see your children’s friends photos when you want to act silly.

Really, Facebook has killed feelings.

Most of the times, if I put a status update (which is very often), I did it with the knowledge that so many types of people will read that. And they will misinterpret it. Or think I am talking about them.

You hear a mushy love song from the past and you want to post it. You want the Youtube video on the Facebook. And you wonder…oh dear..is someone’s wife going to wonder if I am stealing their husband? Or is one of my bitchy girlfriends going to laugh that I perasan shiok sendiri? You know…so…you just decided it is not worth sharing because people will tear apart the lyrics and wrongly guess.

Or say you are very very angry and you need to scold because you do not have the guts to scold someone in real life. So you want to blast out. But now, I have to be mindful that I have 13 years old who see me as their teacher and so, I cant go full blast on the four letters. Anyway, I am quite sedated nowadays, thanks to better anger management.

Sure, people will say, ‘Its your own domain, you can express what you like.” Yea, true. But deep inside, you know it is no fun. You can’t talk about your period when you see a majority of your Facebook friends are males and they probably have weird ideas.

Sometimes…I wish we are all still in the blogging era where not many people excel in capturing an audience through their blogs. So, people like me get to be as real as possible without the risk of getting a response within seconds you hit the Send button.

I want to FEEL

Come on hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I’ve been given

I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don’t understand

I just wanna feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
‘Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins, going to waste