Initially, I didnt feel like doing the corny stuff of writing a resolution post. But upon reflecting, I think it is good to follow what my priest said in his Sunday homily. Practise the 3R – recollection, review and renew.
I actually need to look through my Facebook photo albums to recall what I actually did in 2013. I guess life has been good to me. So much so that I have nothing but good memories. For that, I thank and praise God that everyone is healthy, safe and well.
This year, I completed my pastoral care counselling course. I had benefited a lot from that. At the back of my mind, I am still eyeing the Diploma in Clinical Pastoral Care. But as usual, sacrifice has to be made. It is a no for me because it involves full time classes in Petaling Jaya. So forget your plans, Lilian. Family comes first.
Many times this year, I had encountered situations where I really wish I had the chance to do the course professionally so that I can be the instrument, the much need person in certain circumstances. But I guess I will follow my heart. It has not urged me to drop everything and go yet. Never mind that this year is about ‘You are called, chosen and sent’. Maybe the ‘Sent’ part hasnt arrive. 🙂
So, I am not going to put the resolution just yet.
Today I met someone from office. I was with my youngest. He asked me how many kids I have. I told him my two older boys are working already and this is the youngest. There is always pride in telling people I have adult sons already. Sort of an accomplishment. This year, both my sons have gone overseas to work. This Christmas, it is a milestone because for the first time, they actually ‘return home for Christmas’. So far, both do not indicate they want to go overseas to work yet. So, I hope they dont fly from the nest just yet. Anyway, there are plenty of demands for chefs in Penang and they are staying put in the same company. I advise them it looks good on their resume if they stick to a company for longer time. Don’t chase after higher pay, show loyalty, establish some achievements and just give their best.
Some years back, women’s retirement age is 50. When I was in my 20s, fifty years old women are like museum artefacts. But after becoming a Catholic, I notice that some of the most beautiful women are in their late 50s, 60s, 70s and even 80s. I guess being a Christian keeps them young. And praise the Lord, I dont feel the ‘old’ feeling I thought 50 years old women ought to feel. So yeah, I am going to be 50 in 2014. It is still an – oh my god, I am 50 already? disbelief kinda feelings.
I don’t know if I am going to be still working. My contract expires end May. I can resign anytime now, as well. But will I? It pretty much depends. It is kind of nice actually, to be working when you don’t give a hoot to the money. It is sort of like a charity kinda work where I put my best and hope for nothing else in return. Many times when I am totally fed-up with the job, whether from suffocating hierarchy thing to menial stuffs that people make a mountain out of a mole hill, dealing with the same stupid political wars or just plain sick of waking up early to punch card, there is always something to affirm me. I take that as God’s prompting to just be a little bit more patient, forgiving and feel the sense of purpose.
Whether I am snobbish or whatever, I know I still have the touch that not many have. Of course, anyone can write. But I have the extra vision. I could anticipate people’s response, understand the people’s desires and many times, I deliver what they want to read. Working with politicians mean dealing with a lot of their bullshits. It takes maturity to be able to sieve through their nonsense and give the people what they should know.
So again, yeah, I can’t place in my 2014 resolution with something like staying put at work or stay by the poolside under the pink frangipani. Cos I do not know what I want yet. I am a very easy Christian. I leave all my worries, future and daily live to Jesus. If He says go, I go. Wateva…it is fine with me.
In 2013 – I have the cold-hot relations with church. I guess it is good I could actually go through the ‘desert’ with the comfort of knowing that God loves me however, whatever, whenever. I attended several formation, seminar, Bible class, retreat and all those churchie stuffs. There is never an iota of doubt that Jesus is real to me. So that’s why I can go for a couple of weeks, skipping church because I just feel like it. There is none of those ‘oh Lilian, you evil woman, you didnt go for holy communion to strengthen your faith, you are going to be possessed by the devil..die you, lazy woman’ fears in my mind. And when I do, I have overwhelming sense of the Holy Spirits. So yeah, not going to put a resolution like ‘No more ponteng church for no reason in 2014’.
So in general, I am going to take 2014 with a lot of confidence. I cast all my cares, needs, worries, anger and whatever into the Lord’s hands. I know He is going to strengthen me, give me courage and wisdom and most of all, allow me to speak the truth. Never mind that I pissed a lot of people off with my thoughts. And come to think of it, I did piss a lot of people in 2013. Not that it matters to me because I said what I meant and if they cannot take it, maybe they should also think and reflect and review and readjust. If they cannot, then, sorry lah, just too bad. I am going to be 50 and I am not known to make fake apologies. So yeah, Happy feeling angry and pissed with me.
For the rest of the people, Have a happy, blessed, healthy, happy and safe 2014 New Year.