Mother-in-law’s legacy fulfilled for this CNY
Posted on February 4th, 2014 by Lilian • Filed under: Family
Today is the 5th day of Chinese New Year and I can finally put up my legs with a relaxed mind. No more list of things to buy, things to do and time schedules plotting in my brains.
I do wonder if it is worth the trouble, the cost and the works. And I think it is worth it.
So many times, families only get together at funeral wakes. Ever notice how we Chinese only come together at senior members of the family’s death?
They will put on mourning clothes, go through mourning rituals and then, every goes their separate ways immediately after the body is buried/burned.
That is so wrong, isn’t it? That’s why it is good for us to have family members gather at Ching Ming and Chinese New Year. At least everyone gets to see and meet everyone minus the need to appear sad and mournful.
Many young people, including my sons probably do not see the importance of having family gatherings. I myself hate these sort of things when I was younger and just married. It was like putting ourselves on parade for scrutiny.
People wants to see how well your kids behave, how much your spouse is earning, how clever are your children, how neat you are as a housewife, how pretty is your girlfriend/handsome is your boyfriend and if they are making a lot of money etc etc. Yawnnnn….
When family gets together they seem to have that ‘authority’ to probe deeper than regular strangers. That is why young people hate wasting several hours of their lives going through this ordeal.
I am not sure it is good or bad, but I dont really care about the who, what, how etc of each other’s lives. Which is why I am one aunty who never ask annoying questions. Just come, eat, say hello to the others and bye-bye.
I still find it weird how children from the same parents, born of the same family, grow up in the same house can somehow drift far apart. Well, if they are living far away, it is understandable. But if they are living within 10KM radius, I think something needs to be looked into.
Someday, I hope all my four sons will somehow get back together at least once a year. After all, I have showered them the same love, gave them the same support and though they are not all the best friends forever due to characters differences, I want to be comforted that at least they will do it in memory of me.
During these gatherings, whether my in-laws or my own siblings, I do find comfort that if our deceased parents/parents-in-law look down from heaven (or wherever you believe they are now), they will be happy to see that their offsprings are there as their children.
So yes it is quite disappointing that somehow, some of them have drifted off (those who live within 10 KM radius LOL) ….and they usually do not give us much chance to attempt to get them to come together. That makes me wonder – what do they do on Chinese New Year? I suppose we can only do so much. Tell them, ask them and whether they find it in their heart to come or not, at least we have tried.
Through the two and a half decades I have been married, some have died. Each year or maybe a few years apart, we lost some members of family, we welcomed new babies. The cycle of life.