So here I am. Sprawled on the sofa because my brain is too hyped up due to the Americano I had but the body is doughy after one hour Zumba and 30 minutes massage on the massage chair.
So, I am assimilating self to be 50. When I was a kid, I remember 50 is like the dead-age for a woman. If I am not mistaken, women retired at 50. Women get their EPF at 50 and they can prepare to die after spending all the money. I also thought women are no longer women because when you have breasts that go down south and you are too old (for a kid of 10 maybe 50 is ancient, ok?) to have sex, you are just a bag of skin going around, nagging little kids to be neat, to be well-mannered and things like that.
But here I am…..going to be 50 in less than 3 weeks, I think. So shall I resign myself to be the walking bag of skin and lard LOL? Well, I think my hubby told me I can withdraw a certain percentage of my EPF. And I think I can retire too. Looking south, I think I am not blessed with boobs that have elasticity to go down south, so that’s ok.
As for the other age-factor thingie, I shall not comment.
A few months back, I was so excited and determined to join a course organised by my church. The moment I heard about it, I said ‘Take my money, I am coming’. Initially, the course costed RM250 and I wasn’t the least perturbed. Then, before they take my money, they have reduced the price to only RM50, I think? Whatever, I was so sure in my heart that’s what I want to attend.
Never mind that I no longer have a leisurely Sunday after where I can take a nap after church. I no longer can commit to any overtime work in the afternoons. I no longer can go for Zumba or swimming or hiking or anything.
Its only later that I found out to my horrors, we have a retreat on the weekend of my birthday! A retreat sounds nice eh? But retreats to me are quite boring, torturing and sometimes, I do get a lot of enlightenment. Can’t help it that my idea of a retreat is spa, good foods, plushy bed, room service and things like that.
Then I had this struggle – Do I drop the idea of the course since it is going to spoil the big milestone of my life? I don’t know what’s the big deal about birthday lah but I think since it is the BIG FIFTY, I should at least spend with my family. Oh ya….retreat means away from luxury, family and sometimes having to bunk in with strangers. Yayaya, I am not only spoilt, I am also quite the ‘But mommy, I dont like being with strangers!’ person.
But I was so drawn to the idea of the course and I took the bold step and signed up, committed myself not to skip any classes and go for the retreat, albeit rather reluctant. Because I believe a bold decision like that certainly makes Jesus melts in His heart. Yayaya, I am manipulative, even with Jesus.
Now, I will just whine till its over. As for the course, it is one of those things that I can foresee will be the path for me in future. I still harbour the idea to take up clinical pastoral care (the kind of person who talks to dying people and prepare them for death, sombre rite?). Since I still cant drop everything and attend the full-time course in Assunta, I shall just equip myself with smaller/simpler courses.
I foresee this old lady with her bag of skin and lard running around till she is 70, 80 and maybe 90. I am going to make the best of the rest of the years. So, may God grants me good health and a sharp mind till then cos I have so many things I want to do.