This is going to be a nonsensical ramblings of a restless heart. So you have been warned that the post leads no where. Also, if you know me in person, you shouldn’t read if it concerns you because you may not like what I think.
Then again, I don’t give a shit. Which is why I have so much to write. Because when I am writing things, I don’t actually have anyone’s image in front of me. Otherwise, I will just take a needle and thread and sew my lips or cut my tongue so I cannot say a thing.
This is about reunions. Coming from a kampung school, I don’t get reunions often. In fact, not at all. Last year or so, I had one but it was only with the Malay students. Can you imagine? Only the Malay students attended while the Chinese ones did not.
I was the only one. Because I was that weird kid in school who grew up with Malays until I got assimilated and got a cultural shock when thrown into secondary school where Chinese came from Chinese school.
So, in a way, I am pretty much a Chinese jiwa Melayu. Anyway, back to this racial differences, naturally, at 50, we have grown apart.
Strangely, I have no problems interacting with some of the boys, who are now categorised as ‘apek’ and ‘pak cik’. I yakked with one on whatsapp for 3 hours! I don’t know what the heck we talked but we did.
Of course, another one whom I met regularly also have the same wavelength and it was like old times again when we do meet up.
Now, my problem is I am exploring why I have forgotten most of them. I can’t even remember names, can’t even remember if they were in my class and I absolutely cannot recall any previous interactions with them.
I think I was quite a bitch. It is funny now. But maybe not so funny to many back then. However, I was the head girl (prefect) so I suppose I wouldn’t get to that position if I had not been a bitch or a cunning little kid. Gee, I love myself at that age. Such guts, such dun-give-a-shit attitude.
The amusing thing is, I discovered many things 30 years later about me. One of my Malay best friend told me the kids used to gossip that I spent way too much time with one of the teachers. Well, I got free rides to and from school, I got his office to waste time if I didn’t like my Add Maths lesson but I was totally 100% innocent. Sheesh, I didn’t know those kids actually thought otherwise. Nevermind….
Then, another guy friend told me that everyone thought I was the girlfriend of some head boy. Funny thing is, I never had any feelings of crushes. Not for him, but maybe many others. But yeah, I again got free bike rides to tuition and everywhere else I wanted to go because he was always willing to fetch me.
The worst I heard was during my 3 hrs whatsapp. So I was laughing with my school crush (I hope he is still as handsome now LOL) about how we used to dominate the lower ranks in class. We were trying to out-stupid each other. I said I got 0 marks for my Add Maths and he said he was smarter with 10-20 marks.
There is this guy who is a YB who would tell every single one of my colleagues and friends (if we have time to chat), how he knows the number of students in our class. It is his classic jokes.
So the other guy (of course, another Malay, cos I Cina jiwa Melayu, remember?) who chatted on whatsapp with me for 3 hours after not keeping in touch for 34 years told me this. He said someone told him that I used to cheat and copied in my exams.
WTH? Of course I didn’t. I was either very good in some subjects or just plain failed my Add Maths and barely passed my Modern Maths. So how in the world people could suspect I cheated, I don’t know. What were their impression of me, I don’t know.
At 51 years old, I don’t care nor feel angry for being accused of cheating in exams. Horrors, I may not have very good character but lying is my most hated character in others.
Age does strange things. I am a lot more less quarrelsome. I gave up on trying to be social and fake. I don’t look forward to reunion. I do worry about those who like to brag and show off.
These few days of interactions with those I had not met for 34 years reminded me of many things. How I did not change much, from one who dont give a shit, to one who still dont give a shit.
I still care for some of those whom I liked once. I feel loved because many of them are so sincere and genuine. I realised that achievements pretty much depended on our characters more than our academic achievements.
None of us should sweat the small stuffs because when you have your life laid out, many things do not matter.
So, the last thing that makes reunions so full of tension is – Gosh, how do I fare in terms of looks? Thank God I know I am ok, and I am happy with myself. For a vain pot like me, that is probably the highest in my list of priority. I wasn’t the prettiest girl nor the most popular but I think I still wins in terms of guts and attitude.