My Facebook Timeline and my Whatsapp groups (which I have MUTED FOR A YEAR LOL) are filled with the eclipse of the sun this morning.
I was like yawnnnn…I had seen before. Nothing new, let’s move on. I was a little emo by it, actually. Cos I remembered an eclipse many years ago and I remembered a person. I mean, how could I forget that awesome ‘OH LOOK! The dog ate the sun, there is no sun’ moment but instead who was there watching an eclipse with me?
So, anyway, I brushed off that part. I played the song Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. The stupid song that got me even more emo. No, it is not about past love or whatever nonsense many of you may be thinking of. But it is about past friendship and how some of them stayed with us in the heart but not in the physical realm.
This time around, I see that many people had the eclipse of the sun in photographs. So, I got a song for everything. Then I played Ed Sheeran Photograph. And I think photographs take away all the magic in life.
I mean, if I have the last eclipse sometimes in late 80s or early 90s in selfies, would that person still be special? I probably would have forgotten. Because we tend to push whatever we have taken in photos out of our memories.
Anyway…..the eclipse word jolted a part of me. I was in the blue lift, going to the yellow lift and as usual, I was thrilled to be in the lift alone which enables me to take photos. Saw how cheerful my yellow corporate shirt is against the yellow lift. I hate yellow and I think I have only two.
Wonder why I hate this sunny colour? And in that few moments in the lift, my mind whirred and this thought came to me.
Are we allowing our lives to be eclipsed? I look at myself and I can safely say that Yes, I do but I tried to avoid that. It is kind of sad how many women tend to fade behind everything in their lives. Their shine disappeared. They no longer shine because so many responsibilities shielded the shine.
For example, motherhood. Being a wife. Being wanting to be proper. How each of us women tend to set aside our feelings, our needs, our passions, our wishes for everything else and everyone else.
As I stood there in the lift, I asked myself if I am only a shadow of my real self? Yeah, the lift between 26th floor to 14th floor takes mere seconds but my mind works like lighting. I asked myself, “Lilian, are you merely a shadow of your real self? Have your life been eclipsed?”
And I smiled back at the image and can face it and said, “Nope, I will never allow anything to eclipse me.” This is me and I don’t care what comes in front of me, the shine is mine and I will burn through it all.
Maybe the eclipse of the sun did things to my mind like what full moon does to werewolf. What have I rambled that turned into a Note? Never mind, I am rather free today. It feels good to see my own image in the yellow lift in my yellow shirt and know that it is me, the real me.