I think I became a blogger sometime in October 2004. That makes me a very old blogger. So I dig up the old archive and yes, I was officially a blogger on Oct 23, 2004. That means I am going to be a 13 years old blogger.
I wrote this back then,
I thought bloggers are weirdos who talk to themselves ‘coz they have no human friends to talk to and they are attention seekers. But heck, I lurve blogs and stalk blogs so might as well join the bunch of weirdos.
Back then, little did I expect that there is something worse than blogs. Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. People like me purge lots of stuffs, free of charge. Well, not exactly free cos you sell yourself. Sort of.
I don’t understand why people are still so negative to this thing call technology. Sitting down with a bunch recent, the people who didnt know who I am, what I do, babble on and on about how bad technology is. I sit there trying not to let my eyeballs rolled up completely and not foaming in the mouth.
Come on, people, you can’t win this thing. Stop feeling so negative, talking like it is end of the world about technology. Your kids, your grandkids are all going to embrace it. So you either float away or you also embrace it and make the best of it.
I was so tempted to say, Hey, you know…the Pope is on Facebook too. Didn’t Jesus asked us to fish in the deep end? But I just keep quiet, nod and smile and meh…I am a polite girl, I just grin through it.
I live in the social media world. People knows what I cook today, they know what’s in my stomach, whether it is chicken rice or char koay teow, they know I go to church or not, they know whom I had been mixing with, they think they know everything.
Well, not exactly. My old buddies do not call me a Propa(ganda) Queen for nothing. Sometimes, things are real. Like this one Street Ride I pulled together last week. It was a trip down memory lane. I had been doing this homeless people street walk a few times. Sometimes as a cook, sometimes to minister and sometimes just moving along with the group. This time, it is to bring awareness. Cooking for 100 homeless is no joke but hey, God send me nice strong men to help me stir. So Hallelujah to that.
Today, I got a photo that I love so much. Taken by the council’s pixman of cyclists being flagged off. I just so love the way I look like I am so excited likedat. Well, I ooze confidence. But guess what, actually I was kicking and move along, not daring to start putting my feet on the pedals. Too many people and I was scared of falling down. But would anyone know that? So yeah, life is like that.
Look the part, smile and the world won’t know what you are feeling.
The other day, I attended a social media course on advertising. I get frustrated when there are so many tips on advertising but no one tells me where those advertisements are going to land.
So, I asked, where is the content? You are selling something and yet, where is the ad going to lead you? Well, it is not products but ideas and opinions. So where do they go?
Guess what? The answer is blog or website. Like my Chan Lilian dot net. So this will be the place to store important info, brainwashing stuffs, propaganda and things people search.
I was just looking through some of my old blogging pals and they have turned their blogs (once very famous) into billboards. Some sell technology, some sell foods, some sell fashion etc.
I am not good with selling stuffs because I am just too obstinate. I am too full of opinions which cannot be changed. So, my blogs lie dormant but not dead.
I think my blogs died during the hey days of the Pay Per Post but I am not regretting them because those brought me good money. Now I am just too lazy to lift my fingers to explore but who knows, there are still money to be made out there.
Have to get over this lethargy and be prepared for the next big one. Big what? Election. Meanwhile, it will be a scribble board for me.
I started off with an obnoxious entry. I accused people who blog are weirdoes and have no life. Twelve years later, I am still the weirdo with no life.
So, congratulations, Lilian, you have come long way and yet stay the same.
I was 39 years old when I started blogging. I am now 51 years old. Does being 39 and 51 feel different? So, what’s the different being 12 years older?
I still diss people but I don’t use the F word anymore.
I still speak the truth, the painful truth.
I still do not care what people think of me when they think I am dissing them.
I still believe whatever I want to say, I have every right to say it on my blog.
I don’t owe anyone anything because I maintain this blog myself, with my own money.
These, I believe is what make chanlilian.net unique. I did slow down a lot for several years but chanlilian.net is such an ‘old’ domain so I need to keep it moving.
My reminder to self if I am to continue airing my opinions online :
1. Be brave.
2. Be truthful.
3. Be forgiving.
4. Expect the world to be full of morons.
5. Do not give a shit to what people ‘may think of me’.
6. Somewhere out there, someone may be reading and whatever I wrote, may be useful to that one person.
7. It is my own money running the blog and keeping the URL, so it is mine, mine, mine.
8. Maybe blogs may die someday. But until then,keep it alive with an occasional post.
February 14, 2005 was the day I officially moved from lilianchan.blogspot.com to chanlilian.net. Back then it was a big deal to go dot com. I couldn’t get dot com because some other woman in Hongkong had owned it. Anyway, I like dot net because it is like a fishing net catching blur sotongs. Dot com sounds too commercialised.
So happy 9th anniversary to me. I am one of the earliest bloggers in Malaysia, became quite popular and then, sort of fade when the blogging popularity waned. I have made quite a tidy sum from the strong advertising market in 2007 to 2009. In fact, must earlier when USD1 was equivalent to RM3.80, we bloggers cashed in on the pay per post.
Personality wise, have I changed? Nope. I am still as annoyingly obnoxious and still as self assured. Don’t piss me and I will leave you alone. But I am a bit tamer after I converted to Christianity. And now I have no choice but to swallow all the flowery languages back because of my commitment to teach.
Many bloggers do not last long because they are not writing from their hearts. Either they are writing about subjects or putting up fake personalities. But some of us are practically allowing words from our minds and hearts to flow through those quick fingers and turned them into blogposts. We are the gifted ones. We stay true because we are sincere. Of course, sincere doesn’t mean nice. It can be bad ones too.
You know what? After 9 years, when I read back, I realise I was pretty good in handling life. Parenthood, marriage, community involvement, women stuffs and all. I dont think I have cringed at any one of my old blogposts. I screwed some people on my blogs before and I haven’t feel guilty about it because I was right. Hey, I am never wrong LOL.
In these 9 years, many fellow bloggers have grown up, got married, got babies, got sick, got better, die, divorced, screwed up their lives, suicide and died, recovered, turn gay, converted to religion, dropped out of religion, fallen into pits of depression, became the old lady that they once made fun of me, became overly kiasu parents and more. It is sometimes nice to sit back, reflect and see how others are doing. And you get a picture that we never know what may come our way.
You have to know Petaling Street Project to understand what blogging in Malaysia was like. If you go huh? what? then, you are not worthy of the name ‘blogger’.
So happy anniversary to chanlilian.net. Remember the name – Obnoxious 5xmom.
Many years back, there were blogs and only blogs. So, those of us who chose to be bloggers were responsible for inviting our blog wars. We got no one to blame but ourselves should we get negative comments or dissed by strangers.
But now, Facebook and all the other social media sites have opened the can of worms. Now everyone can online. And hence, everyone get trolled, get dissed, get all sorts of negative abuses or in my favourite Hokkien term – kena tiu.
(My old Sony Vaio, in pink and costed me over RM7K and my iMac which was confiscated by the police but returned to me in nice condition, but thats another story. This is a very old photo…now I am darn broke because I am no longer a blogger but some gomen people earning meagre pay but I think serving bigger purpose so its alright.)
For us the seasoned bloggers, we have developed a more cunning approach to things online. We know what to put up and what to say. Things have to be very politically correct online because you never know whom you can accidentally offended.
People tend to get so self-righteous and so full of opinions. I would call them so full of shits, actually. But do they know they are full of shits? No. Not ‘online people’. They think they are always right.
For example, the other day I talked about laughing Buddha and refer as fat man. Someone got offended. So yeah, nothing you say can please everyone. The above used to be my collection of laughing Buddhas. Some of them are gifts. And frankly, I have no idea where I put them now, after I converted to Christianity. And no, it is not about religion. But you know lah….everyone wants to be seen as defending their faith. And even in this case, if there is one Christian who comes along, that person will accuse me of not being ‘Christiany’.
So yeah, online life is like the story of the donkey, old man and son. If you follow all the idiots’ ideas, your donkey will fall into the river, you wont have a donkey to sell and in the end, the old man and the son will die of starvation.
End of the day, everyone gotta learn that shits will hit the fan and they will probably get it. I got mine alright…been to the police station three times, been questioned like I am capable of causing a revolt and all that nonsense.
Ultimately, each of us have to face our own conscience. But unfortunately, nowadays, people do not have that conscience anymore. I teach my children and also the children in church that conscience is that little voice we feel within us when we do something wrong. That Jimini Cricket of Pinocchio. It is the godly voice within us. And for us Catholics, it is the Holy Spirit that dwells within us. The one who prompts us, pointing out right from wrong, that thing that prevents us from committing very bad things.
I am shocked at the kind of shitty opinions dished out by perfect strangers over several issues. People seem to see things from their miniscule mono-vision. Kids were left to fend for themselves in Sweden but do people see and feel their plights or the parents? No….these bunch of morons will talk about racial and religious issues. There is absolutely no compassion, no empathy, no feelings involved. All they see are hatred and animosity.
There are many more cases. I suppose if we do not have this freedom of being online and that accessibility, we will get less involved in all the negativities. But then, we will miss out the positive things.
So, welcome to the big bad world of online. You are going to get hurt, real bad. So be smart and play it well. Unless of course, you want to fight it out just for fun.
Initially, I didnt feel like doing the corny stuff of writing a resolution post. But upon reflecting, I think it is good to follow what my priest said in his Sunday homily. Practise the 3R – recollection, review and renew.
I actually need to look through my Facebook photo albums to recall what I actually did in 2013. I guess life has been good to me. So much so that I have nothing but good memories. For that, I thank and praise God that everyone is healthy, safe and well.
This year, I completed my pastoral care counselling course. I had benefited a lot from that. At the back of my mind, I am still eyeing the Diploma in Clinical Pastoral Care. But as usual, sacrifice has to be made. It is a no for me because it involves full time classes in Petaling Jaya. So forget your plans, Lilian. Family comes first.
Many times this year, I had encountered situations where I really wish I had the chance to do the course professionally so that I can be the instrument, the much need person in certain circumstances. But I guess I will follow my heart. It has not urged me to drop everything and go yet. Never mind that this year is about ‘You are called, chosen and sent’. Maybe the ‘Sent’ part hasnt arrive. 🙂
So, I am not going to put the resolution just yet.
Today I met someone from office. I was with my youngest. He asked me how many kids I have. I told him my two older boys are working already and this is the youngest. There is always pride in telling people I have adult sons already. Sort of an accomplishment. This year, both my sons have gone overseas to work. This Christmas, it is a milestone because for the first time, they actually ‘return home for Christmas’. So far, both do not indicate they want to go overseas to work yet. So, I hope they dont fly from the nest just yet. Anyway, there are plenty of demands for chefs in Penang and they are staying put in the same company. I advise them it looks good on their resume if they stick to a company for longer time. Don’t chase after higher pay, show loyalty, establish some achievements and just give their best.
Some years back, women’s retirement age is 50. When I was in my 20s, fifty years old women are like museum artefacts. But after becoming a Catholic, I notice that some of the most beautiful women are in their late 50s, 60s, 70s and even 80s. I guess being a Christian keeps them young. And praise the Lord, I dont feel the ‘old’ feeling I thought 50 years old women ought to feel. So yeah, I am going to be 50 in 2014. It is still an – oh my god, I am 50 already? disbelief kinda feelings.
I don’t know if I am going to be still working. My contract expires end May. I can resign anytime now, as well. But will I? It pretty much depends. It is kind of nice actually, to be working when you don’t give a hoot to the money. It is sort of like a charity kinda work where I put my best and hope for nothing else in return. Many times when I am totally fed-up with the job, whether from suffocating hierarchy thing to menial stuffs that people make a mountain out of a mole hill, dealing with the same stupid political wars or just plain sick of waking up early to punch card, there is always something to affirm me. I take that as God’s prompting to just be a little bit more patient, forgiving and feel the sense of purpose.
Whether I am snobbish or whatever, I know I still have the touch that not many have. Of course, anyone can write. But I have the extra vision. I could anticipate people’s response, understand the people’s desires and many times, I deliver what they want to read. Working with politicians mean dealing with a lot of their bullshits. It takes maturity to be able to sieve through their nonsense and give the people what they should know.
So again, yeah, I can’t place in my 2014 resolution with something like staying put at work or stay by the poolside under the pink frangipani. Cos I do not know what I want yet. I am a very easy Christian. I leave all my worries, future and daily live to Jesus. If He says go, I go. Wateva…it is fine with me.
In 2013 – I have the cold-hot relations with church. I guess it is good I could actually go through the ‘desert’ with the comfort of knowing that God loves me however, whatever, whenever. I attended several formation, seminar, Bible class, retreat and all those churchie stuffs. There is never an iota of doubt that Jesus is real to me. So that’s why I can go for a couple of weeks, skipping church because I just feel like it. There is none of those ‘oh Lilian, you evil woman, you didnt go for holy communion to strengthen your faith, you are going to be possessed by the devil..die you, lazy woman’ fears in my mind. And when I do, I have overwhelming sense of the Holy Spirits. So yeah, not going to put a resolution like ‘No more ponteng church for no reason in 2014’.
So in general, I am going to take 2014 with a lot of confidence. I cast all my cares, needs, worries, anger and whatever into the Lord’s hands. I know He is going to strengthen me, give me courage and wisdom and most of all, allow me to speak the truth. Never mind that I pissed a lot of people off with my thoughts. And come to think of it, I did piss a lot of people in 2013. Not that it matters to me because I said what I meant and if they cannot take it, maybe they should also think and reflect and review and readjust. If they cannot, then, sorry lah, just too bad. I am going to be 50 and I am not known to make fake apologies. So yeah, Happy feeling angry and pissed with me.
For the rest of the people, Have a happy, blessed, healthy, happy and safe 2014 New Year.
Some months back, I was at some Korean BBQ place and there was this group of office people having their gathering. So, as usual, I eavesdropped. I am a blogger so I must constantly look for bloggable materials, ok?
There is this guy who was like a little bit smarter amongst the group of females. And he was boasting away about how clever he is dealing with Facebook privacy. Of course, whatever he was telling the women are just pure bullshits. Yet, those clueless women were so engrossed.
I was about to stand up and tell him to shut up and stop fooling fools. He was scaring them with how Facebook can gather information about us, us it against us, puts up advertisement that are tailored for us and bla bla bla and yadda yadda yadda.
In the first place, who ask you to be so stupid to go and post your phone numbers, real address and real details on the Facebook? In fact, if you are paranoid, you shouldn’t be online in the first place.
Then, there are those who wanted to show off their ugly faces and yet, worry that people will lure them into sex and part with their money. To those women who were conned off their life savings, all I can say is stupid women like these will get conned anywhere anyway anytime, so it doesn’t matter if it is on Facebook or at some Ah Hua bar or even the kopitiam. They are gullible, silly and desperate. So serve them right.
Facebook has several settings for privacy and if you are too dumb to set it, then, you too deserve to be cheated, stalked and discovered.
All I can say is silly people will always be conned anywhere. So, stop being so paranoid about Facebook stealing your information. If you don’t post it, there is nothing to steal.
Fools. And yes, stalking people, finding out who are the wife, children, occupation, education is fun on Facebook. Come on, admit it, you do that too? Don’t you take a peek at who is the wife and if the wife is pretty and is she interesting or something like that?
On my Facebook profile, I have information that I want people to know. And I have information that I prefer not to reveal. Like my university is Bo Thak Chek (no education), my employer is ciak ka ki (cari makan sendiri). Simple, right?
And I don’t go play games and post Youtube videos all day long on my Facebook because the boss will know you are slacking during working hours. Actually, we aren’t suppose to have social networking sites but the nature of my job is to pump the boss’s social networks so I gotta have it hence I get it.
Still, I berani tanggung whatever I spew on my own Twitter and Facebook accounts. Like I once said, the boss can pay me to work but they cannot pay me not to speak my mind. The most is I lost a job. The worst is when I don’t have a voice and have to lose my individuality, identity and dignity. Roti and capati.
So, folks, stop being so paranoid. Facebook steal your data? So what? Scared of getting hunted down? You can even get acid splashed by pyschos on the street, what is there to be scared somemore?
Of course, don’t be stupid to be all emo on your Facebook like how I notice some wives ranted about their bad husbands. Or be the despo girls who whore themselves with those cutesy Japanese doll looks etc. Be real, at least if no one likes you, you know. Rather than fool yourself with fake lashes, pouty lips and get a bunch of stupid horny Ah Bengs to try to ‘khau’ the fake you. Gah, I have seen enough of fat girls trying to hide their flabs, ugly girls trying to look cute with funny angle photos and etc. Girls, take a look at yourself in the mirror and like yourself first before you expect others to like you.
With that, The Obnoxious 5xmom fades in a mist of pink haze and grins at how many people she just pissed off.