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These body shaming business

So I was reading some news about Carrie Fisher blasting her body shamers.

In case you do not know, body shaming is about people telling you that you are fat, you are ugly, you are not beautiful, you are old etc. And now a pack of very angry folks will bite your neck and tear you to pieces if you so much dare to do this body shaming.

Well, I had been thinking about this for a while. Though I have no daughters, I sometimes come across young girls who have very insecure feelings about their looks.

For one, I grew up with almost all negative inputs than any positive ones. Too thin, too this, too that. Back then, there was no social media, no women magazines and at least, I did not have that ideal image to live up to. Still, those negative inputs must have caused a lot of damages.

Then again, I was quite the tough kid so I had pretty good confidence of myself, or maybe over egoistic to make up for those negative inputs? Whatever…

Now, the scary thing is people are so into anti-body shaming. So they made it like it is so right to be obese. It is not. It is damaging to the health. It is not cool to continue to be obese just to prove that you are confident. Yes, now they have a lot of plus size women to model. But ultimately, we shouldn’t be making overweight and obese a fashion.

As a parent, if my kid laments he is fat or something, I will get him to talk about it. What is he going to do about it? Will he start to eat less? Will he change his eating habits? Shall we increase the physical activities?

I don’t know but I am quite sure that boys had it easier than girls. When I see the girls above 15 years and still continue with unhealthy eating, unhealthy image of themselves (i.e. refused to have their photos taken) and have bad fashion sense, I will secretly hope they will find an adult they can rely on (sadly, mothers arent very good motivators) to help them to change their habits.

It is bad to body shame others. But it is also bad when the person lives in denial because in the long run, the journey to return to healthier lifestyle is too hard to make a U-turn.

So if you are a young girl with a hard time dealing with your baby fats or whatever they call your extra weights, deal with it. Don’t get into unhealthy habits of diets but instead, eat less, eat more vegetables, get sweaty and physical and you will be able to see the difference.

And if you are being told you are old, you are fat, you are ugly, you are weak and useless, all the more to take charge of your life and start moving too.

As for Carrie Fisher, I think she should realise that she is in Hollywood and not Winnie The Pooh.

Trying to do the cliche thing of Writing Resolution

Was sieving through my old blog posts from way back in 2004 to find out when I stopped writing resolutions. I suppose I stopped when I reached 40. Now approaching 52, I can say F-that-shit!

For one, I know that I am a reckless person and I love doing things impromptu. I have no discipline and hence, I would break every single law and rule, what more silly resolutions.

However, I am blessed with determination and steadfast focus so if I am into something, I will pursue it till the end. So that recklessness somehow is balanced by that steel will of mine.

Still, it is good for me to list down the things that I think I should be doing in 2016.

1. I will continue to be a catechism class teacher though I dread spending Saturday afternoons talking to 13 years old about Adam, Eve, Noah, Jacob, Abraham bla bla bla till the Holy Spirit appeared in the New Testament eleven months later. I will do it because I think the Catholic church is too churchie and filled with too many well-read, learned people. The kids need an easy-going, God will love you no matter what person who is convinced that Jesus is for real but we need to know all of Jesus’s ancestors.

2. Out of vanity and ego, I am going to stick to my health regime. Of course, health wise I know my broody, grumpy, moody physician won’t get to nag me ever, again. It is my stupid mistake to find a physician thin as stick who preached losing weight all the time because he cannot put on any. So yeah, for him and for vanity, I know I will run a half marathon, or maybe a dozen. I will ride my bicycle sometime.

3. Today, I was caught in another blardy jam that snaked all the way to right where I park my car. It is unbearable. Who the hell get jammed right in their own car park? People like us who work in Rapunzel Tower. So while I was cursing the car who knocked into mine, I actually had a vision of myself cycling to work. Yeah, sort of like how God appear in those Hollywood movies where a vision appeared. Bright light, picture appeared. Now, all I need is a tiny minuscule bike which I can stuff into my Axia. Then I can give traffic jam the middle finger and ask all those stuck in their car to kiss my bike’s ass.

4. For someone who gets hopeless lost all the time, I think I want to try travelling alone. Going on holiday somewhere all by myself. I must do this. Enough of going with boyfriends, kids, husband….lets do it with myself, me, I.

5. I am going to be 52. Once upon a time, I thought 52 is like some dried prune old lady. The kind with rheumatism, ugly baggy flowery dress, droopy breast….. I suppose I am not doing too bad in that department, I mean look wise. I mean I am not some cranky aunty with bad taste in fashion. So yeah, blue jeans and white t-shirts still look good on me. Therefore, stick to looking good, feeling good.

6. Oh there is one thing that I want to achieve in 2016. I want to piss more people off. I have enough of ‘enduring’, being nice, being polite, being socially acceptable. Some people deserve it, so let me do the dirty job of telling them off. Or I will just stay away.

7. Be nice. Oh wait, did I say I want to be mean and bitchy on #6? But why changed my mind? No. I am only going to be bad to those who deserve it. But the rest of the world needs love, need affirmation, need a smile, need a comforting pat, need a hug, need kind words. So I will be nice to those in need.

I think the above seven are good enough to keep me anchored for 2016. Hopefully I will come back on 31 Dec 2016 and proudly claim that I had done all 7.

Getting melancholy over the year end

Somehow, 2015 has been good to me. So here I am feeling all melancholy that it is coming to an end.

Health wise, everyone has been good. Thank God for that protection because as a mom, the most worrying thing is the safety and health of my children.

Finance wise, we have never been poor because we do not need much and again, we have enough. With the dropping MYR, our travel plans are limited only the neighbouring countries. Still we had some nice holidays.

Maybe one of the highlights of the year is my class reunion. That shall go down as one of those things you put a closure to. Though it has been nice to catch up, I found out that friendships should just stay that way. Far away and close at heart. I found that it is boring after a while trying to remain social on a daily basis. And hey, I left the Whatsapp group after I find it tiring having folks picking on ‘my boss’. If they don’t get it that I am who I am, and not who I work with, then, let’s move on and not piss me over the smallest matter. Like pointing out that ‘my boss’ is not a Penangite when my whole intention was to show a world champion badminton player.

My 51st birthday left some really memorable stuffs that are best left unsaid, unknown but nevertheless, one of those things that I can look back one day and die with a smile.

As at today, I had completed 164 sessions of exercise. This is one thing that I had never expected. I had lost a lot of weight, got stronger and more active. This is the biggest achievement.

I had ran. I had ridden. I had Zumba-ed. I had earned medals. And I am going for further distance.

Age has taught me to be less docile. I hate liars and hypocrites. I hate whinney people I hate boastful people. I had naggy people. And through 2015, I had probably pissed off many people in these categories. Enough of putting up with their idiosyncrasy and their pain-in-the-butt. Screw it, I don’t care anymore.

Church wise, I have quite a ‘questioning’ time. This year, I am less churchie and I know when to say no and when to stay away when I cannot commit. Glad that I have many times questioned God. Glad that despite of all the ‘down time’, I bounced back.

Work wise, I managed to stay out of big trouble. LOL. Actually I am beginning to like this civil service thing. They give you all sorts of training and it is up to us whether to absorb and improve. I can look back and claimed I was the best English public speaker, I almost won the best English speller except they gave me a Latin legal term. Cheat eh, where can give Latin when it is English hor? Anyway, I happily lose to Carol, my emcee friend.

So, what does 2016 has in store for me? I don’t know. Just remain gentle and calm. I don’t ask for prosperity. I don’t ask for success. I don’t ask for fame. Just let me live day by day with a purpose in life. May God make me a useful instrument in His great big plan.

25 hours in my daily life

It is 11.25 pm. I am lying in my aircond bedroom. The clothes are drying. I have a pot of too-tor thng, cooked. And there is a chicken in brine (i.e. seasoning chicken for roasting by soaking it in flavoured water) and another half chicken seasoned with spices which can be fried. Dinner for tomorrow and the day after are pretty much settled.

I had gone to work. Covered issues on housing, and how Penang is marginalised. I took it upon myself to make sure that whatever the exco member expressed are printed in my story. People needs to know the truth.

I have also gone for Zumba. It is great to sweat after a whole week of being trapped in haze.

Today, I also signed up for a Penang Second Bridge ride. And I am currently contemplating signing up for a tristate ride by mentally preparing myself to ride the lorry.

My kid just entered some dates into my calendar. I look at my November calendar and it is quite scary.

I also just confirmed I am going to sign up for another round of Lose that 5 kgs challenge.

May I also remind myself that I have confirmed my interest to take up a course on pastoral care and that will eat into my weekends too.

But I suppose things will sort themselves out when the time comes.

I get very agitated when other women lamented about how busy they are, how they do not have time for themselves, how they need to do certain things and that sort of take up their whole life. Of course, who am I to tell them to STOP! Focus on yourself, your own life and love yourself. But that’s what they need to do.

I realised that when I am happy, I can achieve so much more. It doesnt take much to make me happy with things in life. I do not know if I set my happiness level too low or people are blinded by too much things they seek.

Today I am happy there is a new curry mee stall at our Nam Hong kopitiam. I am happy to eat cheesecake at Jen Hotel during our press conference. I am happy to drink hot chocolate with my 3 sons. Mind you, we ordered ONE cup of hot chocolate LOL and that’s it. I am happy to whatsapp with a dear friend. I am happy that I managed to cook, zumba, work and took the courage to sign up for cycling and running events. So yeah, one life, live it.

No Christmas choir for me this year

Met my choir group friend today and she asked me to join the practice today. Sadly, I told her I cannot join as I am too tied up.

It is a huge change because I think I had never skipped joining the Christmas choir before. But I suppose the adage ‘We propose, God dispose’ is a good reminder.

Today, I planned to go for SCORE to help. But, by the time I am done with my work, it was already too late. Work caused me to sweat buckets as it was an outdoor thing under the hot sun and dusty construction site. Work was worth it as I could see with my eyes things taking place and had my faith in humanity restored.

That brings me to the joy of being alive. I may not be very involved in church activities but when I am working and there are things that restored my faith or showed me the things related to poverty, generousity, service and such, I feel great.

Some weeks back, someone asked me if I can help in the primary school camp. I had to decline. Looking at my November calendar, I think I don’t even have any weekend for myself, what more for churchies stuffs.

My secondary class camp clashed with my ‘wajib hadir’ teambuilding. When you are in the civil service, wajib hadir is a wajib thing you do not want to escape. So again, church has to take a second priority.

I think I am going to blot out some time for myself because I am tired of this giving to family, church, work, community thing. I should just shut down everything and fly off ALONE to some place and do whatever I fancy. I owe it to myself, really. That way I don’t need to check if my kids want to eat what I want, shop where I want or any of those stuffs. It will be all about me, myself and I. Now, that sounds like a great ending for a blog post titled Christmas choir, eh?

Incidentally Whitney Houston popped up on Youtube with this song :

Like today, I woke up at 550 am to go to church with my boy, got home after breakfast, marketing and cook some dishes and went to work at 11 am. That stretched to 1 pm, rushed to drop my boy at church again and by the time I got home, I dropped dead and zzzz for three hours. Woke up and prepared dinner. Wanted to go to the gym or pool but was sneezing like crazy and I guess my body is telling me to just freaking stop doing and stop moving. So here I am….rotting with songs, reading and crapping.

MUST. DO. IT. ON. MY. OWN. Holiday, ie.

So chan lilian celebrates 12 years blogger status

So twelve years ago, I started blogging.

I started off with an obnoxious entry. I accused people who blog are weirdoes and have no life. Twelve years later, I am still the weirdo with no life.

So, congratulations, Lilian, you have come long way and yet stay the same.

I was 39 years old when I started blogging. I am now 51 years old. Does being 39 and 51 feel different? So, what’s the different being 12 years older?


I still diss people but I don’t use the F word anymore.
I still speak the truth, the painful truth.
I still do not care what people think of me when they think I am dissing them.
I still believe whatever I want to say, I have every right to say it on my blog.
I don’t owe anyone anything because I maintain this blog myself, with my own money.

These, I believe is what make unique. I did slow down a lot for several years but is such an ‘old’ domain so I need to keep it moving.

My reminder to self if I am to continue airing my opinions online :

1. Be brave.
2. Be truthful.
3. Be forgiving.
4. Expect the world to be full of morons.
5. Do not give a shit to what people ‘may think of me’.
6. Somewhere out there, someone may be reading and whatever I wrote, may be useful to that one person.
7. It is my own money running the blog and keeping the URL, so it is mine, mine, mine.
8. Maybe blogs may die someday. But until then,keep it alive with an occasional post.

Watched 2 hrs Fifty Shades of Grey in 20 minutes

So…yesterday my little boy told me we actually have Fifty Shades of Gray in our HDD. He gave me the HDD and I told him I am going to watch it myself because nyekkkk…’you are too young’.

I got the book from a friend and it was one hell of a boring book I didn’t even read it properly and had deleted it from my computer.

Anyway, with the haze and all that, I thot I can get comfy and watch the movie which is about 2 hrs.

Right from the start, I already knew it is a disaster. Such a cliche start with clumsy poor girl going to meet some dirt rich guy. And the guy is not even handsome or commanding or anything at all.

When it was supposed to be romantic, it wasn’t. For example, the part when she got on the helicopter. The background song was Love Me Like You Do which is my favourite Zumba cooling down song.

Anyway, I just FF the whole movie because the dialogues are so dumb. Doh….in this age, where to find a virgin la. Plus what kind of girl would be so stupid to be bound by some contract.

So, I am glad I grew up with movie like Pretty Woman. At least Richard Gere has that brooding good looks with eyes that melt hearts. If I am going to get all mushy and foolish, at least Pretty Woman seems more realistic.

I told my little boy just now that how disturbing Fifty Shades of Grey is to me. It is not the BDSM part that disturbs me but how women are portrayed. It is wrong to have women holding back their needs, their thoughts, their whatever.

Since I FF the movie so much, maybe I missed out the whole thing. But I do know the woman’s body aint that great and her boobs kinda sag. And for the guy, I see only some pimples on his chest and that split second of tuff of hair. Yawwwn…

I think I am like a year too late in talking about Fifty Shades but still, I got to rant about it cos the eyes can’t un-seen what I had seen. And the moral of the story is? Don’t bother to marry too rich a guy, you know? I had seen real life cases and they ain’t nice, you know?