Just imagine, Lady Gaga suddenly broke out in a song ‘Just Dance’ in the midst of Psalm. Thank God the cantor was loud and Lady Gaga didn’t stop everyone in their track of getting in touch with Jesus. If that had happened when the whole church was silent for the Gospel, I will die of embarrassment.

I looked around and was on the verge of getting annoyed that someone’s phone is ringing and no one is doing anything to it. Idiots! Whose phone is ringing? Then, I turned around and Albert a former choir member looked at me. OMG, could it be mine?

And true enough, it is! How did my Nokia phone goes off like that? It is the alarm and it is set at 10:15. And my phone was in Silent Mode! Plus I never use the phone as an alarm anymore.

So, I bravely act like nothing peculiar happened. And cooly tried to shut the darn thing off. I took it as Jesus’s wake up call for me.

Aptly, today’s homily delivered by Father B is about waking up, living and moving on. Rarely do I get such beautiful messages from an hour’s in church. Father B talked about living life. And I sat back, smirking that at least I have done that part quiet well.

I had swung from desolation, hitting rock bottom, down there in the heaps of helpless people, grasping for air. I had thoughts of the ‘how nice if this ends soon’ when my son was on the verge of dying and I was on the verge of escaping the agonies by dying along with him.

But God has built me tougher, just like a Ford. I kicked off all those fears, pains, hurts, disappointments and I lived. I live a much better life. I found the God that was sorely lacking previously.

Father B also reminded us about King David when his son died. He had a son from the woman he bedded after he sent the husband to war and die. Actually, the Bible is full of such scandalous, cheating chaps. When I was teaching catechism class, it is hard to explain to 13 years old how God can allow such people into the Bible, which they think is the holiest of books. Anyway, Father B said there is a time to grief, and we must move on after a period of time. He talked about King David tearing off his mourning garments and put on his kingly suit (or something like that lah).

And Father B is being realistic when he said we can swing from desolation to consolation if we are reminded of Jesus’s presence. And yeah, there are days when I am utterly fed-up when my earnest prayers do not bear fruits.

Today is one of those wonderful days when things may not seem very rosy but at least I am reminded of Jesus’s saving help. I met someone. He previously had a very bad bike accident. He recovered. He recently had a stroke. He is a pub singer, long ponytail and all that. But today, he is sitting there frail.

I went over to catch up with him. I found out many things about him. Things that I wouldn’t have bothered asking if he is not looking so alone and vulnerable.

I told him to stay strong and that his will and faith have been an inspiration to me. And I am pretty sure many are also inspired. That he could hobble back to church despite of his situation now. He can no longer ride in his big bike (actually the bike was a total loss previously). He had to be helped to get to church. But he came, he sat there, so determined is his faith. Both of us can’t join the Christmas choir this year. He because of his health, me because I do not want to kill myself with stresses of duties at work and church.

I just heard that one of my son’s school mate have passed away in an accident. A quick look at the Facebook tells me he is studying law in a university in KL. I can’t bear to think of the parent’s grief. I can only pray for strength. A big reminder how precious our lives are and how important it is to live. To live now. At this very moment.

Because Father B just reminded us this morning. Live. Live it to the fullest. To live is to love. To love is to care. Though it may hurt sometimes, it is better to have live than to wait.

Posted on December 4th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Faith | 1 Comment »

A while ago, I got sick. I don’t often get sick so when I do, I am really sick. I drove to the hospital with a severe headache and bodyache. What I thought was a simple flu bug, turns into a trip to the emergency room.

They found my blood pressure exceptionally high. They tested my blood glucose and found it high too. They slapped on the ECG machine and thank goodness, I don’t have any funny heart beats.

Initially, I was stubborn. I told my doctor if he gives me something to take away fever and pains, then, I will be ok.

However, my physician kept me in the hospital for three days to see what’s wrong with me. He summoned a dietician and a diabetes educationist to talk to me.

And I get a very long lecture about sugars, insulin, carbohydrate, wholegrains foods, added sugars and more. Suddenly, I feel like a kid again, listening to them teaching me about corn syrup solids, glucose syrup solids, sucrose and all those fancy names they put on food labels.

They ask me to read food labels carefully from now on. I was reminded to limit white rice, white bread and processed foods as these contain a lot of sugars. I was shown graphs and charts how the carbohydrate we consume will turn into sugars. And if our pancreas has become less efficient and not producing enough insulin, then, we get diabetes.

The two nurses told me I am lucky I found out that I am bordering on getting diabetes. Many people do not know until it is too late.

So, moms, please do educate and become aware of the added sugars in our children’s diet. Learn how to check milk label for added sugars and make sure in choosing the right milk for your child, you remember this factor.

Although kids need carbohydrate, be sure that these are healthy ones. Balance energy for child by giving them the right growing up milk. Learn how to decode all those energy and other terms.

Under the Malaysian Labelling Guidelines for growing up milk powder, all sugars are declared as carbohydrate. That means anything higher than 11g-12g for ‘carbohydrate per serve’ is added sugars. Look how high this number is in some brands – so high!

Now, my little boy and I are more aware and we are checking out food labels. Both of us know that excess added sugars in the diet can lead to overweight and obesity in children. This can increase the risk of adverse health outcomes in later life. So, now my boy has even stopped craving for candies, chocolates and fizzy drinks because he can count the number of grams of sugars in them.

Although carbohydrates are needed in children’s diets, these should come from natural food sources high in complex carbohydrates such as grains, fruits, vegetables and milk – not from added sugars. International recommendations limit the intake of all forms of added or free sugars to less than 10% of energy, or around 38 grams per day (7 teaspoons) for pre-school children.

So, I can say the hospital stay a while ago is a blessings in disguise as it has made me so much more aware and cautious about the foods I take and the foods I provide for my boy.

Posted on December 1st, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Rev | 2 Comments »

I thought I will reach church too early today. I was working and decided to drive to Green Lane for mass at 8pm. I left about 7 pm and was looking forward to spend at least 30 minutes in solitude.

However, a terrible jam made me spent all the time on the road. By the time I got there, it is almost 8pm.

I felt so tired and sleepy because it has been very hectic and listening to politicians shouting at each other in the state assembly drained me out. It is worst than listening to your kids fighting over a toy for hours.

I slumped at the pew, yawned and almost fell asleep during the Tamil readings. I notice seven English words take up like three lines of Tamil writings. Wow, it must be very hard to learn Tamil!

It is All Saints Day. And the ‘Come to Me to all you who are wearied and burdened’ doesn’t exactly pick me up like it does usually. I am just too tired and wanted the mass to end as soon as possible.

Father B’s homily also couldn’t create any spark in me. I know it is not one of those days when I went in and came out recharged. It is my non-walau-eh day. Sigh…to think that I have driven in the rain, in the jam, inspite of all my tiredness and I can’t find walau-eh moment.

So, there was this part where we knelt down. And somehow, my thoughts crept to other things than trying to concentrate on mass. I don’t think of myself or what I can get from making this trip.

And I thought of these people. I am not sure why but they were in my thoughts. Just like how Christians tend to say those cliche words like ‘You will be in my thoughts and prayers’. You have heard a lot of that from Christians, right? Sometimes, do you wonder if they even mean it? I also offer such comforting words to people and yeah, I do forget I even promise and forget them. *guilty*

So, these people came into my mind. Maybe it is Jesus’s way of nudging me that it is not about me, me, me but you, you, you.

1) To my dear neighbour/church member who had to undergo chemotherapy, I pray and thank God that you are not much affected by the treatment. Seeing you tonight in church is a joy to me because I know you have been strengthen by the Lord.

2) To Uncle Phillips, holding your hands and showing that I missed seeing you around the altar is a blessings. I hope you know that we all love you and without you, now everyone has to work with a list. LOL. You have been working so hard for the church and I hope you have a nice time retiring from making sure everything runs like clockwork. May the Lord grants you good health always.

3) To Seong, my dear young friend from St. Nicholas. Talking to you on Saturday opened my eyes. Getting an email from you makes me happy. You told me you read my blog regularly and that is such an honour. Seong is visually impaired and yet, he could surf the internet and in inverted commas read my blog. Seong, I hope you read or rather hear this. Continue to inspire others, Seong. You are a hero.

4) To someone dear, whatever you are going through, I am with you.

5) And to myself, I pray that I always have that energy and bubbles to deal with the good shits and the bad shits. Of course, I didn’t use the shit word in my prayers. But I ask the Lord that I will continue to live with the belief of an eternal life and never lose sight of it. Last Sunday, I listened intently to Tok Guru Nik Aziz. TGNA said many of us live without the belief of akhirat and kiamat. We don’t believe in judgement and hence, we live a life full of sins. He reminded that humankind must have a guidebook and he was referring to the Quran.

I want to live with a guide too. My guide is the Bible though. I converted to Catholicism because back then, I wanted to believe in eternal life so that my son Vincent will live on. Now, I must continue hankering for that promise of eternal life or else life gets too hard to endure.

Now, I am wide awake. Not because I have been recharged from mass. But because of the masala tea I drank at 10pm during dinner. *roll eyes*

Sorry my blog post doesn’t always make sense.

Posted on November 2nd, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Faith | 1 Comment »

I am just wondering if I can happily live a life with books, foods and family?

You see, I am surrounded with a lot of books that I have never finished reading. The titles are so varied I wonder if I have multiple spilt personalities living in me?

So, I was thinking if I could ship all these books to a villa up in some highlands where the weather is cold and stock some good foods and do nothing but read, read and read.

It is not something far-fetched, really. I had once told my hubby that he could drive all my kids and I up to Cameron Highlands and let me live there for a week with just the kids.

Obviously, I need him to drive me up there because I dare not manoeuvre a car on a slope like that. Plus the man doesn’t understand how one can live on a hill with nothing, no Tesco, no shopping mall. So, he suggested that he dropped us all there while he returns to stay on normal grounds.

Then, when we are sick and bored, he will come and pick us up again. Now, I think that sounds like a good idea because I can laze away the days looking at greens, flowers, eat vegetables, make steamboat, read and sleep.

Of course, if I can survive for a few days up in Cameron Highlands, then, I can probably hatch my next plan. I will run to some Swiss Alps and live longer. Who knows, some Swiss millionaire (you have to be a Swiss Franc millionaire, dude, to qualify) may like the idea of storing a Chinese woman in his villa with library.

I am going to look at my schedule and I think I seriously can take a few days leave and just go to Cameron Highlands on a non-touristy trip and live there. Now my only problem is whether my two younger kids are going to tag along because they can’t live without their kick-ass computers.

Nevermind, all big things start from a small spark. So, Lilian is going to :
1) live in Cameron Highlands for a week;
2) survive it, doing absolutely nothing;
3) find a Swiss Franc millionaire with Swiss villa;
4) elope;
5) survive it, doing absolutely nothing;
6) live happily ever after.

Oh, I need to elope because hubby’s idea of living happily is not ‘doing nothing’. If I can find a Swiss milkmaid for him, I think he will be compensated. Oh wait, those dutchlady milkmaids are dutch, not swiss. Wateva lah

Posted on October 29th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 2 Comments »

Let’s see..in the last seven years, I have made one police report against one pervert. I had been also been investigated. Though not over my status as a blogger, it is also partially related.

Seven years and I think I haven’t change. I am still the same mother. The same woman. The same blogger. The same vocal Malaysian who is not afraid to criticize the government if those things they do affect me personally.

I still blog regularly. I still diss people. I am still very truthful. I still write about my God and my faith.

I think the only differences back in October 23rd, 2004 are:

1) There was no Pakatan Rakyat nor any option of an alternative government;

2) I wasn’t working because I was dealing with kids age 1 yrs old to 13 years old.

3) I was much more obnoxious and use the F words alot.

So, seven years later, I am a little bit more subdued. Not something I want but I did it because it is easier to hold the tongue than to blast and then, get sensitive folks all worked up, panties in a bunch and I have to deal with their tempers.

Now, there are Facebook and Twitter. But they are very much like our blogs. Not everyone has the skills and creativity to make these social network as their platform for self-expression.

Not everyone can be blogger. If you can’t tweet something interesting in 140 characters, forget about being a blogger.

But if you can get yourself into trouble with the police with merely 140 characters, then, you are a super blogger like me.

So, happy blog anniversary to me. I don’t see any slowdown in blogging.

Nowadays I don’t blog so much because I hold a 9-5 job and I make sure I don’t abuse that time. I don’t make so much money anymore from blogging because of time constraints. But I had made some tidy sum previously so I am thankful already.

Looking back, a lot of bloggers are still around. But some just grow old and boring.

Me? I think I never really grow old in my blog. Only my kids did.

Posted on October 23rd, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 3 Comments »

I went to my sons’ college today and learned many things.

One of them is how great I am as a parent. I have never dictated to my sons what I want them to be. So, they pretty much made up their mind to be chefs on their own.

Second is how grown up my two older sons are. I realised I never talk college with them because I believe they blend well and don’t need me anymore. The only time they need me is to go and sign my credit card with those huge amount of college fees that run to five digits at one go.

I arrived there in my jacket. I wore an old t-shirt and jeans. I didn’t expect a full day of running from one assignment to another. So, I didnt have time to go back and change. Moreover, I need to bring my Kamdar cheap jacket home so that I can wash it for DUN on Monday.

So, I was mistaken as a lecturer because of the jacket. I was anti-social as well because the rest of the parents were busy chatting about their kids performance while I was checking weekend work assignments and discussing with colleague on Whatsapp.

Then, comes the introduction where we need to tell the chap who we are. And I was struggling with my identity.

But someone said she is ‘just a housewife’. I find that rather sad. Why do women under value themselves with the Just. What’s wrong being a housewife?

That someone was more talkative than me, have more knowledge about how the college operates, have son in university pursuing a degree and yet, she said, Just a housewife.

I had been on both sides of this ‘housewife’ versus ‘whatever post I held’. And as far as I can remember, I have never refer to myself as ‘Just a housewife’. It was either ‘I am a fulltime mom’ or a ‘I am not working’ or ‘I am staying at home’.

I never like the housewife term because I hate housekeeping and I am not married to the house.

There are so many roles we do. Why tie ourselves to the house? So, women, stop demeaning self. You are important, you are precious, you are you.

Posted on October 22nd, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 1 Comment »

We had a coffee chat with someone a few evenings ago. And maybe I want to reflect on some of the enlightening things that went through my mind and things I said.

First, faith is something in deed. Something that we need to physically do. Even if it is doing nothing, it is faith. For the many times when I failed to be prayerful in the ritualistic way, I thought I have not been faithful.

But I think faith is when I have gotten really angry, terribly upset and yet sat back and reminded self that if I have Jesus, why get so worked up? Jesus is with me, He will deal with the shits I face.

I just hang on, and faith in me says Jesus will take care of the storm. No amount of rituals could have given me that faith of sitting back, and wait.

I mentioned that I get scary when I think I lose the feelings in me. The human feelings where compassion, love and an embracing forgiveness I have for strangers, people I see and people that I detest. I told the someone that I feel empty when I can’t feel pain nor hurts. It is easy to feel happy, contented and all that because if you have God, you are filled.

But when all are so complete and perfect, you tend to lose the other real human feelings. The one that makes people do things for others, the one that make you cry with someone who is poor or the one that kept you sleepless because you aren’t able to do something for the person.

Just now, someone message me. He thanked me for helping and he said to thank my God too. It brings a smile to me. I didn’t do much but him being grateful enough to ask me to thank my God, that’s wonderful. For he sees that it is the Christian in me that makes me go out of my way to solve some shits.

Tomorrow, I am going for an interview. I am now doubtful. I think I want to opt out. I think I am just doing it because it is something that I have wanted to do. Two years ago, I had almost gone to Singapore. I didn’t. Now, there is an opportunity, and I have signed up. I need to be interviewed. I am afraid I qualified, get sucked into the system and I have no U-turn. Arrggh…it is not usual for me to chicken out.

It is a big commitment. I am not sure I like it. It is like God is calling, but I am running the other direction. I have dreamed of being totally totally serving the Kingdom of Christ. Being totally committed to the Lord. I even dreamed at nights. But when I really take just one little step, I am here trying to find excuses not to get into it. Maybe, just maybe, I have urgent work tomorrow that made me skipping the interview. Or maybe God will throw me in, lock me, and throw away the key. I don’t know. I shall remain steadfast in faith. Que sera, sera.

Actually, I wrote a damn obnoxious post just now because I was feeling very, very pissed with someone. But I decided to have faith, leave it in Jesus’s hand. I am not going to sweat over the small things. God has bigger plans for me, yo. I got no time for stupid politics in teacups.

Posted on October 15th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | Comments Off