// The Obnoxious 5xmom

It is so, so, so, so hot out there.

It is 4.30 pm and I am so sleepy.

I wish I can turn on the aircond and turn the thermostat down to 16 deg celcius and go sleep till dinner time.

But I want to appear holy.

And responsible.

And political correct.

So, I have to stay awake.

Because I need to go to church in an hour’s time.

Because I want to appear holy.

And responsible.

And political correct.

Today is Bible Sunday and being a lector, I must not ponteng mass on a Bible Sunday.
(lector is those people who read the Bible or rather bring the Word of God to the church goers)

So, I must stay awake.

One chocolate cake jumps over the fence

Two chocolate cookies jump over the fence

Three chocolate eggs jump over the fence

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Ninety nine handsome chocolate naked marathon runners jump over the fence
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Two hundred ninety nine suntanned beach boys in skimpy white bikinis jump over the fence
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Eight hundred ninety nine bronze skin, blond hair, blue eyes men jump into bed with me.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This song is so 80s. I still remember the great crush I had for Tony Hadley. But my ex-bf told me that he is gay, not that it matters. LOL. All men who are so handsome like Tony Hadley are probably gay, ok? But I just discovered from his official site he has a family and three children. Hmm….I had been misinformed for so many decades.

This song is one of my favourite from Spandau Ballet. In fact, it has a haunting tune that you don’t get tired of listening. Not like Spandau Ballet’s other songs like Gold, True, Only When You Leave and etc.

According to what I read on the net, the lyrics is about the relationship of a Catholic and a Protestant in Northern Ireland, where these two Christians denominations used to kill each other and are enemies. Hmm….I wonder what cause them to fight over the One God? Never bother to find out because religions can get pretty stupid when their followers try to outdo each other in being God’s favoured followers. It has been like that 4,000 years ago and then, 2,000 years ago and until today, people are still fighting and killing each other over religions. (’kill’ does not necessary mean lives but other aspects)

These people never learnt from the examples of Jesus’s disciples who were already arguing even before Jesus was dead. Jesus told them that He will die soon and disciples started arguing over who would take over Jesus’s place. Jesus told them that the one that serves, be a servant, humble, the one who is willing to wash feet, the lowest ranking of all people. But do we learn? No, we don’t. We always think we have to live up to that facade.

Which brings me to what I actually wanted to rant. I sometimes feel like telling people that it is they that I should be praying for when they go on and on and on and on and on about their worries on someone they know that has ‘left the church’. It is kind of sad that people failed to see the more important things like faith, hope, love, life and etc but instead, they focus on the hierarchy, rituals, territory, groupies and all those ‘alphabet soup’. So many times, I wish to say, “DOH!!!!! Does it matter as long as the person is still living a life that is considered ’straight and good?’”. But nope, we are all brought up to tell white lies, be hypocrites, say things expected from us, pretend to put on an understanding facial expression and say, “Yes…indeed, let’s pray that he will come back to the church.”

We are all indeed hypocrites. Yes, we are. You have a good weekend, ok? (bah, not that I care…it is just a ‘pretend to be nice’ wishes)

Clever advice from The Obnoxious 5xmom : It doesn’t pay to be anal over things because you only end up constipated.

Wokay, let’s see if we can survive on RM10 for a family per day? I think RM10 is already a too generous amount, no?

Stir fried kangkong. Kangkong only costs 65 sen.

Three eggs goreng bawang. One egg how much ah? I think 20 sen. 20 sen x 3 plus one tiny bawang, price insignificant.

Selar fish, one fish about 80 sen. Say three fishes 80 sen x 3.

Dhal curry. I use one leftover pumpkin, one potato, one carrot, one tiny cube of beef, a handful of dhal and a tiny packet of Allagapa dhal curry powder.

Altogether, need some oil, some onions, garlic, gas for cooking, rice, salt, sugar, MGS *grins*….

I think we need at least RM10 to prepare the above meal.

But hor, you need a million dollar wife to prepare it. So too bad, RM10 is not enough for a family home-cooked meal unless you have a million dollar wife.

Now, tell me what message do you get from the above post?

1) That I am so good in cooking, you want to propose to marry me?

2) That I am in deep financial crisis and you feel compelled you must Paypal donate to me? I only accept USD100 denomination, email me for my PayPal address.

3) That I just want to show off I can cook, as usual?

4) I ran out of things to rant?

5) I am a sadist who enjoys torturing people with foods they don’t get to eat?

Where got fair lah…

Dalam isu lain, Fong Po Kuan (DAP-Batu Gajah) mahu supaya Datuk Bung Moktar Radin (BN-Kinabatangan) dirujuk kepada Jawatankuasa Hak dan Kebebasan kerana membuat satu isyarat tangan yang disifatkan sebagai memalukan.

“Ini bukan tak berlaku dan Kinabatangan sudah mengakuinya. Mereka terlepas sahaja. Ahli (dewan) tak nampak (tetapi) rakyat Malaysia nampak, orang di luar nampak,” katanya.

Kiandee menolak membuat keputusan tidak menerima perkara itu.

(quote taken from Malaysiakini) and the English version on Malaysiakini over here.

Bung Moktar tak kena anything for his Johnson clap.

But this lady reporter from Kwong Wah Denise Lee kena stopped because they said her skirt is too short pulak. Where got fair, wei?

(photo taken from NST)

You see for yourself, where got short lah?

“I don’t know why they stopped me from entering the building as my skirt falls below the knees as has been set by the dress code,” she said.

“I wonder why they picked on me as I see that there are other people who are wearing skirts shorter than mine but they were allowed to go in.

” (Quoted by Denise Lee on NST)

Haih….my dear Denise, maybe it is not your skirt but which newspaper company you are attached to and whether they are pro-BN or not? Or maybe those men memang like that because you know lah, they suka-suka do obscene sign and then, said it doesn’t mean a thing?

Do you all remember the incident at the MPPP where the council chief accused the lady reporter for wearing too short skirt when it is not? Nay, the CCTV pointing at her lap during the Penang Municipal Council Meeting?

P/S : Go see what I told CSL? Kikhkikhkikh

I wish I can turn into some superheroes or Incredible Hulk so that I can go to the nearest Streamyx office, telephone exchange whatever and burn them down. Then, I pull out all the cables, from my home copper cable to the fibre optic to the submarine cable. After that, I go to their HQ and find their chairman and throw him down the bamboo shoot shape office. Niamah.

I think I will still be mad. So, I will head to the power and telecommunication minister (who is he now?) and do the same thing to him. Tie him with some fibre optic cable and hempuk him like a yo-yo.

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl 75% Wonder Woman 75% Superman 70% Green Lantern 70% Hulk 60% Catwoman 55% Iron Man 50% Batman 40% Robin 40% Spider-Man 20% The Flash 20%

Lean, muscular and feminine. Honest and a defender of the innocent.

Click here to take the “Which Superhero am I?” quiz…

Still angry, I go and find the top-top guy and scream, “What da fark is wrong with the Streamyx in Penang!!!???!!!???? I cannot get anything done over here. I have to complete my things by midnight tonight!!!!!! Why are you staying on for another two years? Yumkong lorr…..Stop this monopoly by TMNet NOW NOW NOW, allow more players, competition is good.”

Blardy hell, I downloaded one Youtube video. I went out to Lam Wah Ee to eat curry mee, then I went to Jelutong to buy some stuffs and headed home. The video only downloaded 1/10 of it’s length.

Where’s my Oreo? Give me my Oreo!

The other day when my sister and my family were in Singapore, my niece heard her father (my bro-in-law) called me “tomboy”. I have an age gap of 10 years with the sister and when she was dating my bro-in-law, I was like 10 years old and very, very tomboy. I rode bicycle all over the kampung, built tents of coconut leaves, climb trees, chase snakes, slaughter chicken, dig earthworms and etc. That name stayed until now but since I don’t go to my sis’s house that often, my niece probably did not hear it earlier. She went…”huh? you call ah-yee WHAT???!!!!”

Ok, so now you know how God has prepared me to have an all-boys in the home. I am part of them. I do not sew, I do not iron clothes and I certainly do not house-keep well. But then, I am still a woman and most of the times, my kids and the hubby seem to forget. A woman as in bimbo or brainless in some areas.

THIS MORNING

My apartment uses a touch-and-go card to enter. Hubby and #1 son normally just flash the card without winding down the window. I am a woman. I have to wind down the window, put my hand out, holding the card and wave the card furiously or the thing won’t work. My kids often screamed at the back, “MAAAA!!!!! Why can’t you just do what papa or kor-kor do?” My excuse, “My car tinting darn good, the signal won’t get through, ok?”

So, I got home from church this morning. I rolled down the window. I wave the card, that barrier opened, I pressed to get the window to go up again. I heard, ‘kreeakkgrokkkkktutttkreakkgrookkkkk’ and I look up and down to see where the sound comes from. I thought there is a bike behind me or something. Nothing. The sound continues.

I parked my car and realized it was the stupid, Persona, ciplak (just to rub Persona’s proud, rabid owners) window rosak. The whole piece of glass went into the door! Die! Husband was somewhere in Penang Hill, hiking. Called him from my mobile…

“Dear…..your power window rosak, now the thing cannot come up, how lah…rain how lah….”

And the male man doesn’t pick up the damsel in distress call but instead, “Why you go and wind down the window?”

I wanted to tell little white lies like, “I want to save you petrol, I didn’t turn on aircond mah…so I wound down the window lorr…..” in kesian tones.

But I mustn’t tell white lies and he wouldn’t believe the wife because I hate the smoke, the smell and the oily layer on my face. So, I told him, “Nay, I want to come in, must wind down window mah, or else the card cannot work mahhh….”

He went, “Haih…..”

See? Men just don’t get it that women need to do this ritual. Must ask somemore.

Then, I was standing there figuring out if it is going to rain or crows are going to fly into my car and shit or people will korek the car off its CD player and everything…..Frantic you know…. (but my area rather safe lah)

Somemore got question from the male man….”Why you go and press the auto button to open all the way ah? You must have pressed the Auto button, that’s why it goes all the way down.”

Niamah, limpeh tulan ledi. 7 early 8 early, I kena stand under the hot morning sun, figuring out what to do with a car with an open window….Ask how, kena tembak so many questions.

“Aiyah, don’t care, I leave it here. This cilaka Persona so many problems one. One day aircond, one day roof leaking, one day…….. cilaka, I don’t care, I go up liao.”

He replied, “Ok, short while I take it to workshop.”

(was the gear that got off its groove LOL so the thing doesn’t work)

See lah? They treat me like a man, they think that I think like a man, and have the common sense like a man. Niamah…Somemore got story about my sons laffing their arses off, next post lah.

(my favourite scene from My Best Friend’s Wedding)

Now I know why my mouth so vulgar sometimes. I am half a man and I got no women friends, only male friends.

So, 30 years later, that tomboy streak probably still shows. Note that tomboy does not equate lesbo hor? Later all my female readers dare not come comment pulak.

Today’s The Star has a photo of Bung Moktar claiming he merely slapped his palm on the top of the other hand.

But footage on RTM showed Bung Moktar did the vulgar sign. We Hokkien call it ‘kok lay’ but I am not sure what it means in translation. Normally, this sign is only reserved for the very, very stressed out situation because you cannot take both hands away from the car steering when you are trying not to let the mini bus cut into your lane. So, usually, it is ‘wind down the window and give them an up-yours’.

In this Youtube age and blogs, you cannot run away. We bloggers love sensational news like these.

(Youtube link taken from Haris Ibrahim’s blog post Liar, liar pants on fire)

In the end, Bung Mokthar admitted, Oopps…I did it on Malaysiakini.

Datuk Bung Mokhtar (BN-Kinabatangan) hari ini mengaku membuat isyarat tangan yang dianggap lucah di Dewan Rakyat sewaktu bertikam lidah dengan ahli parlimen Pakatan Rakyat semalam.

“Ya, memang saya buat tetapi bukan itu maksudnya. Setiap orang ada persepsi sendiri dan ia bukan biadap dan bukan apa yang orang fikirkan,” kata ahli Parlimen Kinabatangan ketika ditemui di lobi Parlimen.

Now, this post is not to condemn anyone. I am a mother to teens and I am using this to tell them and all their teens and youths friends what are wrong here. It is strictly a mommy and children’s talk.

1) Making lewd signs like these, acceptable if provoked because we are all human. But if you are elected into Parliament, it is not ok, ok? There are rules and regulations and we must always respect that. Let’s say you are in a zoo, standing by the gorilla’s cage and suddenly the gorilla’s pissed on your head, you can give the beast a Johnson clap. If you did it elsewhere and someone whacked you into meaty pulp, I will say padan muka you. But mommy won’t smack you.

2) Not admitting when you are wrong, is definitely a big wrong. One smack. What did I teach you about being truthful?

2) Being a man, and yet evading things, trying to worm out of the problem with excuses, another big smack. What about integrity, principle, being man?

3) Telling lies and then, giving even more lame excuses, mommy will say you are a useless, pondan, tarak bola, ular, pengecut, penipu…..and many more descriptions.

4) And worst still, if you keep repeating this in Parliament if you ever become one next time, (note this is not the first time Bung did it) and you keep getting voted in and assigned some position there, mommy can only fault whoever voted you and whoever appointed you.

Another day, another sensational news. Interesting times we live in.

So, chewren semua, bila besar nanti, jangan jadi macam Abang Bung. Kalau salah, kata salah. Jangan nak kelentong. Bila pecah rahsia, malu tu.