I have this night to spend. My little boy has gone to sleep. So I am stealing his computer for a little blogging. But try as I may, I can’t seem to find a thing worthy to blog.

You see, the blogosphere nowadays aren’t like the blogosphere pre-Twitter and pre-Facebook days. Those days, our blogs are our connection. I read your blog, you read mine. I comment, you comment.

Now, we have instant satisfaction from Facebook and gratification from Twitter. The connection is faster, sweeter and shorter. You don’t need to try hard to impress others with your bloogable materials. You just spew 140 characters and you are done.

Just like for example….ermmm…lemme think.

Ok, back then, we need to sit at the toilet bowl for hours to get the constipation away. Now we just give short farts and it smells just the same.

The other thing that made me turn off from blogging is how stupid people are abusing blogs for their own selfish needs.

We used to blog because we feel we have something worthy to share.

They are now using blogs to run down each other. It is stupid, it is evil and at the end of our days, it doesn’t bring any benefits to anyone.

When I look at the definition of ‘blogger’ I just don’t want to be part of those circle. For example, today is the second month where they came and took my Mac away.

Then, out of curiousity, I went to the Tony Yew blog to check what that fat boy has been up to. Apparently, he is still GuanEngphobia. He is still writing about Guan Eng.

It is not enough that he has made life difficult for his supposedly jurugambar rasmi, he now advances to pick on the leader.

So, when you see such people calling themselves bloggers and then, having that delusion that they can change the political scenario and break a person, you just don’t want to be associated with them.

Just like how we as kids don’t want to friend friend with boys who play with shits. It will smear on us, you know what I mean?

So, yeah, I’d rather don’t call myself a blogger anymore. I don’t want to be associated with those cybertroopers who posted photoshopped photos of leaders or stealing my photos for their evil intents.

Yes, I know some of you cybertroopers are taking photos I painstakingly took because it is my job to do so and abused it. It sickens me when they took the photo of two lovely ladies and abused it with racial undertones.

I have nothing to say. I can only pray that somehow, someday God will open their eyes and let them see what evil they have done to innocent people. I pray that God will somehow soften their hearts and make them live decent daily life without all those fitnahs and smearing.

Maybe just a note that for once, in ten years, I have survived one birthday of my fourth son without emo posts. I was too busy to write anyway. I used to shed tears then, but I guess time has healed and somehow taken away part of the memories.

So, yeah, screw you all you farkers who call yourselves bloggers but are nothing but men with evil intent bent on destroying others’ images with your cold blooded action. Bloggers, my arse! (heh, I am still the obonoxious one, ok?)

Posted on September 29th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 6 Comments »

It’s a Sunday when I actually woke up early to get ready for church and a wedding to follow. I took time to make up nicely because right after mass, I have to rush to get the hubby and kid for the in-law wedding.

Got there earlier than usual and the sun was shining bright and hot. At the car park, John was struggling in his deformed self. I had written about John many times. Few weeks ago, before Raya, I met him in Komtar. I lovingly ‘scolded’ him because he didn’t get a hair cut, didn’t bath for a while and was looking really messy.

How many times have I lovingly explained to him that he must make an effort to keep his hair short and clean, bath so that he doesn’t smell bad and people won’t stay away from him? But he is like a kid and sometimes, he gives me sheepish grin to tell me that he knows. But he didn’t do it anyway.

This morning, I was trying do a reverse parking while John is waiting for me. He was holding an envelope. When I got down, he told me he wants money. He always want money from me. I spoilt him, I usually give him because I don’t see why not. People told me he always spend on unnecessary and wasted the money. But then, what’s a few bucks to me?

Normally, I will stuff the money deep into his pocket. His fingers and hands are gnarled and even putting money into a pocket is difficult for him. He walks with a terrible sway because of his deformed legs. You can’t understand his speech because even his face is all crooked. If you are not careful, his saliva will spray on you when he tried to muster those words out.

But I guess God has conditioned me well. I don’t smell the awful smell from him and I actually can hear very clearly what he said. He said he wants money to place in the petition. I don’t know what you call that but we have envelopes from the church office. If you want a prayer, or thanksgiving, you put RM10 into it, write what/who you want prayed for, and the names will be flashed on the overhead projector.

Ya ya ya, I know it is quite strange for you non-Catholics. That it costs RM10 for a prayer. But that goes into our church coffer, ok?

I opened the evelope I took from his hand. There is already a ten bucks inside. He said he want ten dollah, I want to pray for my mother and father.’ (I knew John’s history through some folks) I said, ‘Got money liao, no need lah, I so poor wor, give you ten already, no more lor’. I was joking with him only, actually.

He looked desperate. I told him, ‘OK lah….come I write for you’ So, I wrote ‘Prayer for the souls of John’s father and mother’. I know it will take me forever to get both their names out of John’s mouth. It was so hot in the car park and the glare was killing me.

We went our separate ways. Me into the church. He hobbling to the church office. I did think, ‘Hmmm…where to find such faith?’ I bet if he puts an empty envelope into the petition, my church office will still honour John’s request.

I am also reminded. 24th September is my Vincent’s 10th birthday. Previous years, I always prayed for his soul too. But recent years, I have stopped. I did thought of placing an envelope like John did. But I didn’t. I suppose my faith is not as strong as John’s.

John may be severely handicapped. A dirty, smelly hobo in the public’s eyes. An annoyance sometimes to our ‘praying Catholics’. A pesky persistent boy (he is 20 plus but very small frame) who asked for money whenever you are a bit warm up to him.

But to me, each time I see him, I see God’s loving Grace. John is just like one of us. He has his issues. Though I can’t share those, I can tell he is regretting some pasts, he is still not forgiving himself for the mistakes he think he has done. In that gnarled and maybe many will say ugly body (think Hunchback of Notre Dam, he is something like that), a soul lives, just like ours.

He has his happy moments. He has his disappointing moments. Moments when the public and sometimes, very sadly, our supposedly good Catholics rejected him, dismissed him from our rosy, orderly arrangements and yet, he picks himself up, because he believes in Jesus.

At communion, he fell to his knees to receive the Lord. He struggled hard to get up again. He has dignity many of us don’t.

My life is uplifted, strengthen and I thank God for watching over people like John.

Posted on September 18th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Faith | Comments Off

I got a sms from our choir leader that Christmas choir is starting October. And I go ohhhhhmaiiiiigoddddd…time flies too fast. Where are Jan, Feb, Mac, Apr, May, June, July, August…..

I don’t think I want to be part of the Christmas choir this year. I cannot promise I can attend every choir practice and I don’t want to waste three months of practice only to miss the singing on the real day. So, yeah, Lilian is shirking her responsibilities in church again.

This is one of the many things I have stopped doing in church. Some will say I have not set my priorities right. They say I am not putting God ahead of work or leisure. Maybe they are right, or maybe they don’t understand. There are so many talks about ‘election coming’ and these are very distracting and disconcerting. I do not dare to plan anything.

I dare not book any cheap flights ahead of schedule. I dare not promise my kids if we are going somewhere. Every trip we made so far are trips decided at the last minute.

(oh, I like this photo. But if my hair looks as big as Rosmah’s it is because I was stealing the cooling fan from the PM, the fan was blowing my back. Taken during PM’s open house here in Penang)

Actually, something else bugs me. It doesn’t bugs me enough to make me thin. A lot of people have asked if I have grown thinner and thinner because I am worried about ‘my case’. Hah, that’s an insult to me. Where can I worry about a case like that to make me thin? So easy to make me lost weight, lost appetite, lost sleep over that thing meh?

But it does bug me. Today especially. I saw in the papers that they have concluded the Bersih cases. I believe that’s one huge case with hundreds of police reports. But they said they have concluded the investigation.

I was wearing my blue baju kurung. And so I was telling myself, hey this is not fair. It is almost two months they took away my Mac. How come their cases all finished investigating and mine is still dangling in the air? So, I prod abit.

It is still pending. I am still waiting.

Oh wait, you wonder what’s the blue baju kurung got to do with this? Well, I wore that one when the police came to take my Mac away. After that, I dare not wear it until today because I was like, “yeerrrrr….if I wear, people sure recognise me as the criminal”. But I forgot this morning and wore it.

There are many little things that I don’t allow to creep into my mind,if I can help it. Like when I walked into my son’s school in the mornings, until the case is over, I am deemed the mother with a police case. When I go to church, I am either deemed the Lord’s little loud speaker or the condemned Christian who made the church looks bad. When I go to kopitiam, I am the person whose face was plastered in the paper.

So, yeah, today is one of those days when the blue baju kurung reminded me of how blek *puts tongue out* it is to have two police cars and four police personnel in my house, running through my messy home.

That’s why I must get my life back, organised, orderly, ordinary. I don’t want a police case hanging over my head or an election that will screwed up at least 3 weeks of my life dangling and about to fall on my head.

ORGANISED, ORDERLY, ORGANISED – TIGA O, BOSS. Bila ya, Tuan?

Posted on September 16th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 1 Comment »

Someday I will want to remember the day when I finally get to wear a saree. It has always been a mystery to me how women get themselves twirled around a beautiful colourful piece of fabric.

We have a very tight deadline and we need to come up with some Deepavali theme by this week. We do not have time to organise a more elaborate photoshoot like the one we did for Hari Raya. So, I suggested to my colleagues that we wear sarees as we comprise of several races in our department. They are all very sporting and my Tamil colleague generously brought all her nice sarees for us to choose the colour.

Finally, the mystery has been revealed to me.

First, I have to find a blouse. I wore my regular t-shirt.

Next, I have to wear an inner skirt. I asked my colleague, “You so thin, I am twice your size, how to fit in?” But I can because the cotton inner skirt is free size.

Then, she wrapped me by tucking in the saree cloth into my inner skirt top.

She asked me to turn a bit but I went almost 360 deg.

It actually looks quite easy tying the saree.

But the wearing part is altogether a challenge.

Both my Malay and Chinese colleague and I came out walking like one of those tin robots. Some like penguin.

I was telling myself that I need to tie both my feet with a short rope so that I don’t make big strides as each time I walk, I can hear the saree materials went slish slosh slish slosh. It is amazing how my Tamil colleague can walk so gracefully in her saree. She takes Rapid Bus even.

Given to me, I think I will trip over the cloth. Or accidentally stepped on the cloth and drop the whole thing.

I couldn’t walk or sit normally, one has to be real slow and graceful or else the pleats feel like they are falling apart.

The other thing I learned is – Must not look sexy. I told my colleagues, “It means the nasi lemaks must be hidden behind the saree.”

Seriously, I don’t know how I could go to the toilet with that amount of cloth.

I don’t even know how to fold the saree cloth back because it is six metres long and my hands aren’t long enough to fold it.

So, yeah, I have finally wore a saree. I didn’t put my colleagues photos here as I prefer to keep them out of my personal blog. But you can see the lovely girls on my Facebook album.

The saree is indeed a beautiful piece of art. Now I hope I am not tempted to keep buying saree as I am doing with baju kurung. The regular ones do not cost much. All you need is to buy them, get the tailor to stitch the blouse and you can even get the saree sewn so that you do not need to twirl and pleat them. I have one tailored today. Maybe by Deepavali I will mastered the art of walking and going to the toilet wearing a saree.

Posted on September 9th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 2 Comments »

Today, I applied for half day leave. I was held up in the office as I wanted to clear things before I leave. I couldn’t pick my boy at the usual time. So, I met with the after school hours of Shang Wu.

Imagine two schools. Two schools with very rich parents. That means one car, one child. And the Jalan Sekolah La Salle is a tiny street. With hawkers at one side. BTW, the hawker foods there are great so go support them. Just don’t clash with the stupid after school hours or you will die of stress.

I was held up in stationary mode for 20 minutes. I felt like getting out of my car and give the woman next to me a tight slap. You see, there is this tiny street. They have double parked. And cars are coming from both direction. But this woman in her dark glasses and handsfree phone was yakking away, oblivious. Her car was going against the traffic direction, at a junction. Because of her, all of us can’t move an inch.

Damn TL already, I started honking continuously. Don’t underestimate my Viva. Small car, big noise. I turned over to glare at her with my equal dark glasses and cursing her. But she kept talking on the phone and not bothering to at least try to move her car a bit so that the oncoming traffic can pass or those cars from the junction can get out.

I face the same situation every single morning and afternoon.

It doesn’t take long for us parents to quickly run down, hold our kid’s hand to get him to safety on the kerb to get into the school. All of us do that. Run down, quickly get back to car, move on. Though it is a bit jam, we manage.

But there are these bunch of stupid parents who think their kids are made of glass or something. They will wait for a long time for their kid to get out of slumber. I have many kids, I know they do fell asleep but I always make sure I turned to the back, give the butt a quick smack and called them to wake up before we reach the school.

But noooooo….these parents think their kids are little emperors. They would stand with an open car door, hence, taking up even more space and wait for the slop to slowly and sluggishly get out.

After that, they will lovingly stroll to the gate. Sometimes, if it is late, they can’t enter. Yet, they won’t leave. They will stand by the gate and look lovingly until the kids walked to their class line-up.

Then, there are the motorbikes. They will just drop their bikes in the middle, and do the same motion of ‘lovingly stroll’.

Eh, come on lah. This is not the beginning of the year where your barely seven years old enter public school. This is already year end. By now, they should be safe once they are on the kerb and into the gate. Get lost and let other parents have the space to drop their kids, ok?

All the haphazard parking. All the inconsiderate moms who will park against the traffic just so that they do not have to expose their ugly selves to the afternoon sun rays. Imagine parking against traffic flow and when school’s over, everyone trying to U-turn to the right direction? Those bunch of stewpig women are the reason why I hate being part of their gang. You will never catch me with a group of mothers, standing outside school gates, gossiping. I have survived four kids that way. Use your brains lah, if you are selfish, you cause the whole street jammed.

So, dear friends, if we want a better world, we have to show our kids the right way.

In the beginning of the year, I usually go early and park far away so I have time to walk to the school. But now, my kid is much older so I just need to drop him at the gate.

Sometimes, after school I do run down to grab my boy and some heartless non-parent (i.e. those stupid fellas who chose to use a school street and get jammed and lost their temper type) will honk me like it is the end of the world. So far, I have not given them a middle finger. I will show them I am taking only a minute ala 1Malaysia finger. I don’t give a damn if they burst a blood vessel because I will get down and grab my boy. It is just a few seconds because I know my good boy will be sitting at the same spot waiting for me and the Pak Guard will call out to him when he sees me.

Then, there are other moms who will do the same thing like me. Except their kids will be far away in the school compound and they have to run hunting for the kids. That cause major jam again.

I can go on and on and on. But at least I am thankful this gurubesar is not so strict on punctuality like the ones my older sons have. You see, it is good to teach our kids about punctuality. But in today’s traffic, there will days when we are caught in genuine jam.

Lots of parents tend to drive or ride like a Formula One just so their kids do not get a late record. They will forget their senses and can possibly kill some kids in their reckless driving/bike. I have taught my boy, if we are late, we are late. What’s there to fear? If the prefect wants to punish you, just face it.

Previous gurubesar was a bit obsessed. He would lock the gate 15 minutes before the actual bell. He will get the children to sing 10 minutes before the actual bell. Lucky at that time, I was only staying next door and all my older kids go to school ‘by walk’.

So, moral of my long winded rant? Stupid parents breed stupid generation. We will never have a better world because many parents are not instilling the right values. They have this ‘to each his own’. There is no courtesy, no give and take.

Phew…now I feel deflated from the jam. Good thing is today I was on leave and did not have to rush back to office. Otherwise, I will go get myself a rusty steel car and drive tomorrow so I can give those Accords and SUVs a good rubdown.

Posted on September 8th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 1 Comment »

It has been a long time since I last post. Not that I don’t have anything to write but rather, I have nothing to write on. I don’t do it during the day when I have my laptop with me cos it is working hours. You know..you can’t actually ‘eat snake’ and escape being notice.

The only time I have is when I am home. Writing using my iPad is no fun cos I can’t bang on the keyboard. Normally, I just log in to my blog and bang away, without bothering about grammar, spelling and watnots. Just bla bla bla. That’s the whole essence of expression.

Anyway, today is my birthday. My 47th birthday. Three more years to the big Five-O. Which means I can withdraw my EPF. Woohoo! What can I do with my EPF, huh? Go horriday and get a toyboy. That’s the ideal thing to do. When I am broke, find an old man with money to sustain till I die. Blek, it’s my birthday so I can crap whatever I want.

Since the last time I blogged, I have gone to Ho Chi Minh. Amazingly, all the hotels I stayed in HCM provide not only free wi-fi in the room, they even provide laptops and computers too. In the bedroom, you know?

But everyday I was too tired to bother writing from Vietnam because there are so many things to buy, eat and see.

So, the above photos sort of summed up the whole trip. I love going to places like these. They are so chaotic, busy and everything rather ‘jinjang’. Ho Chi Minh is a bit like Kuala Lumpur modern city mix with Penang old heritage. Plus lots and lots of motorbikes that don’t follow traffic rules.

I got an sms from our choir leader that Christmas choir practice is starting October. I am not sure if I am going to participate this year because I like my current carefree weekends. That also reminds me that if I intend to return to the ministries I serve in the church, I have to let my lector and CEC leader knows so he can put me back in the roster for October to December.

Maybe I will take an extended break till 2012. Cos every weekend, I still have to work. I don’t want the stress of juggling work schedule and preparation for my duties, whether as a lector or a catechism class teacher. I cannot be a good lector and teacher unless I have taken time to prepare for the duties. Blek, I shall leave it to the Lord ( a convenient way of escaping the chore of decision making). If one morning I wake up feeling I missed the thrilling tension of lectoring or the joy of meeting my Form One class on weekends, then, I will go back.

In the meantime, I shall just enjoy those rare Saturday afternoons I have. And the Sundays when I don’t have to wake at 5.30am.

People said I am always talking about religion. One asked if I have nothing else to write about other than Jesus Christ. Actually, I didn’t notice that until one politician asked me. I think it is a good sign that I have somehow matured a bit in thinking and think of God more than bitchy stuffs that I was so used to crap on my blog.

Hmmm…I am 47 years old. 48 years in Chinese age. Very, very old already. I cannot get offended when people call me Auntie. I have lots of white hair already. Wrinkles too.

But bleh, I still look a lot younger than most women, still a great company to many, and someone told me 1+1 does not necessary mean 2. Hmmm…at 47, I still get sms bday message that goes ‘epi besday’. So, yeah,I end the day with a smile on my face that God has been great to me. And I feel loved with all the wonderful things I am blessed with.

Posted on September 8th, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Family | 12 Comments »

You know, there is something that I have always wanted to lament. Anyway, I deleted my Christian blog few days ago. There is some malware alert and my webhost shut the server and asked me to remove the files that contain the so-called virus. I couldn’t find it and have no idea what to do.

So, in frustration, I decided to delete the whole WordPress blog. I took it as a little divine intervention. Days after the police came to my house to ‘investigate me for inciting Christians’, I got that notice from the webhost that my Christian blog has been made unavailable until I solve it.

I took the co-incidence that my Christian blog was made unavailable during the heat of the issue as God’s little prompting. Although I know what I had written and can take full responsibility for my Christian thoughts, I cannot guarantee that those comments left by the people are fine.

That blog comes out tops in many of the touchy Christian issues so I don’t want to risk it. This crazy place we live in have gone so crazy, now law doesn’t matter anymore. It is about who can talk the loudest and they win.

Anyway, back to this Catholic thing. I had skipped masses at my church this weekend due to work. Work, work, work. They clash with my mass. So, I thought, ‘Chey, never mind, Jesus won’t miss me if I don’t sit there and sing this week’. But something bugs me and I decided to rush over to IC church for the evening mass.

I was like so amazed with the renovation. Aircond somemore! And I sat there and suddenly notice, OMG, that’s my doctor. Oh oh, he is a communion minister somemore. So, now I cannot lie to him that I do exercise 30 minutes everyday and follow the DASH diet like what he advised. Ish ish ish, you can lie to your doctor but not your brother-in-Christ, you know?

I was early. So, I continue sitting and staring. And I was tilting my head, left,right and try to figure out why Jesus looks so feminine in the church stained glass one? Why not like my CHS one? Why so many little children around? Then, only it dawned on me that it’s Mary Immaculate Conception, when the angel Gabriel went to her and tell her she is bearing a child and all those are little angels or seraphims or cherubim or wateva. *roll eyes*

Then, the priest started talking about Najib, the cross, the Vatican bla bla bla….I do get a bit guilty cos it was like he is reprimanding some of us for doubting the Archbishop. He made it so convincing that we have acted against God. Cos he linked from the parishioner (me) to him (priest) to Bishop to Archbishop to the Holy Father to Peter (the St Peter) to the lineage of all the previous Popes (265 of them if I am not mistaken) to being obedient and yadda yadda yadda to Jesus.

I don’t know lah. Penang being such a tiny island, I can go church hopping. It is refreshing to listen to different priest homilies. And sometimes, it is nice to just walk in being unnoticed and leave without the usual social networking. I will continue this Sabbath. I have stopped all my church duties. I used to serve in three ministries but due to my doctor telling to me slow down after I got sick the other day, I am now free. Have to because work took up the rest of the time.

It is not like I am putting work before God. I see my work as a community thing. And anyway, it is not so nice to go to a church for the first time, meet the priest for the first time and kena bambu about not living as a church. I.e. not serving the community I live in.

So, here I am. Once again, wondering about this Catholic thing. I seriously think Catholic church should provide more support to newly converted Catholics. There is almost nothing to sustain us after the baptism. Usually, people of different faith turned to Catholicism due to a few things. One is to marry another Catholic and hence, ‘forced’ to follow the faith. The other is like me, where we went through a rough patch and need an anchor to cling to. But when we are on smoother journey, faith become less important and some actually dropped out of the cycle of going to mass every Sunday.

I met one of my RCIA course mate today. She and I are the few whom had endured and continue serving the church. Many of my other RCIA coursemates aren’t around anymore. A couple of them actually join other non-Catholic church. Seriously, if we get that sort of ‘reminders’ from priest that we are not building the ‘church’ that Jesus asked Peter to do, we will begin to doubt if we are even good enough for the church anymore.

For a moment, I did almost believe that I had been disobedient to God because I didn’t agree with the Archbishop’s action over certain things because the priest said so. But then, I am lucky. I get little promptings and I know I am not. God gave me a free will and my free will said that I don’t have agree with certain things.

So, Lilian the Obnoxious One stays rooted to Christ, to be brave and to be vocal.

Posted on August 22nd, 2011 by Lilian
Filed under: Faith | 3 Comments »