I blogged about this on the spur of the moment because I found someone else blogged about his brother’s death. I disabled the comment because I feel bad bringing a morbid topic to PPS. However, these are facts we have to face because it is very much part of our lives.

On a silly note, let state some of my thoughts here:
1) Will I re-marry if I am widowed?
Of course, why not? Especially if the man is tall, dark and handsome and loaded with cash to sponsor my sons through colleges and universities. I don’t care if he is impotent, as long as he is rich. All I care for is the welfare of my sons. Probably I will sign an agreement for a sum of money and in return, I promise to be the good wife, fook si him 99 (pamper to the 9th).

2) Will I allow my husband to re-marry if I kick the bucket?
Of course, NO! But then, I can’t control that. So, I must make a mental note not to turn into a ghost and visit the master bedroom at nights. Don’t want to be a ghost and caught my atm with another wife in bed, do I? Then, I have to strangle the kkc with my ghostly hands. LOL!

3) Do I worry about my kids if I can’t be around to take care of them?
Not anymore. Maybe when I was younger and they were smaller. Right now, I know they can grow up pretty ok without me. After all, I got many siblings and in-laws. And yes, God will have to be the babysitter. Many kids grew up without a parent and they still turn out ok. Like me.

4) Do I worry if I can cope without a bread-winner?
Not anymore too. Because my house and car no longer belongs to the bank. We have enough to eat. No money for further education, no problem wan. Anyway, my atm is a sensible man. He increase his life insurance with the birth of each child.

5) What is the ideal way to kick the bucket?
For my atm – in an airplane crash, especially if he bought the ticket with his credit card. Woohoo, I will be very rich. Mamamia!

For me – No leh, I don’t think I want to kick the bucket at the moment. Sakit kaki, hurt the big toe only. And I am not a major loss, so no point disappear from earth.

On a serious note -
It is good for couples, especially wives who are not earning any income to know what to do in case of situations like this. At the back of your mind, know what are your assets, what belongs to the bank, how much savings you have, are you the rightful owner of all the money/assets, are the EPF, insurance, properties in your name?

Take for e.g. the EPF beneficiary of my atm is me. Because I need the money asap. If he put my children’s names, they can only get them when they reach 18 yrs old. So, we need to eat sands if that happen. But *muahahaha* my EPF and insurance beneficiaries are my kids. Yeah, I got a tidy sum in EPF orh. But I make sure my atm is not able to get those money for his kenduri kahwin bini muda. HOHOHO.

So, I am pretty prepared for rainy days. In wicked humour and also sensible thoughts. How about you?

My message to MG – When I wrote that the other day, I did think of you. I know you must be worried sick about your situation But trust me, vocalise your fears to Mr MG, talk to your loved ones about your worries and hopefully soon, you can laugh over them. My sis once had a lump in her breast and she worried like the world is caving in. It turned out to be just a harmless lump. But after that, she was much more prepared and braver. She also have 4 kids and not earning any income.

Posted on May 4th, 2005 by Lilian
Filed under: Faith | 14 Comments »

Siapa makan cabai, tolong beri petua. Very tame blog, donch worry. This is about parenting, not perli.

I was sweating over this plate of lunch. Indomie goreng, kari kapitan added with chili flakes, leftover chili paste from ta pau curry mee, chili lala from the can (Rex brand chili clams), artificial prawns (fish based) and some vege.

I recalled how my mom used to wash the curry chicken for me when I was small. She would take out the chicken, washed it with hot water and pour some soya sauce to flavour. I tried doing the same for my kids, hoping they would graduate to become chili kings like me. But they still can’t tahan the hot taste of chillies.

*sigh* Like my son here, he wanted to eat nasi lemak. But I would first have to separate out the white part of the rice for him. Then, he would need a can of 100Plus and an icecream to cool down. (Photo taken at Youth Park canteen. Nice Malay meehoon and nasi lemak.)

So, I wonder how do the Malay and Indian children get used to eat chillies? Are they born with a better tolerance for chillies? Like in their genes or something?

I am puzzled. My eldest son who was taken care by my mom till he was 6 years old can eat chili like a pro. But my other sons still cannot tolerate black pepper or even mild dalca curry. So, that means, I have done something not quite right somewhere. What is it?

Tolong beri petua mengajar kanak-kanak makan cabai?

Posted on May 4th, 2005 by Lilian
Filed under: Family | 15 Comments »

*To divorced couples, please do not read between the lines in what I am saying or going to say. This is merely my own thoughts and views. I am sick of strangers popping out of nowhere to flame blindly.*

Mr Kiasu quoted somewhere that marriage has a 50%-50% chance of breaking/being successful.

I don’t think I can agree on this. One has to be absolutely, 100% sure that one is ready to commit their whole life to the other person.

As far as I am concerned, one thing that holds a marriage is discipline. Kids also play a very important part.

When I got married, religion did not feature highly in my marriage and hence, I only see the legal side of things. I see marriage as an agreement that I have to stick to, like a gentleman honouring his words.

Later on, it is about commitment as an adult to see that the kids have a happy home to grow up in. And now, I see marriage as something sacred.

I probably place my own happiness second to many things. So did my atm. One can’t expect a marriage to have only good things. But with lots of discipline, some sacrifices, a bit of disappointments, change of expectations and etc etc, it will hold.

Must a couple stay together even if they are unhappy? Tough question. I suppose there are only two good reason for going separate ways – abusive spouse or infidelity. However, as Catholics, we are expected to try to work through these. I pray that I won’t have to face them at all because I don’t think I can tolerate these no matter how strong my faith is.

So, what holds your marriage? And please keep the comments coming so that I can think what to write in Part Two, if any. I have seen many marriages breaking up, including those of my children’s godparents.

*Blog this at 3.30 am ‘cos atm is watching Liverpool vs. Chelsea. Yawnnnn….*

Posted on May 4th, 2005 by Lilian
Filed under: Uncategorized | 13 Comments »

Photo of the Penang state mosque taken from my bedroom window.

A Buddhist temple along Jalan Air Itam, across the road from the state mosque. Photo taken from my apartment balcony.

Cathedral of the Holy Spirit, Penang.

Posted on May 4th, 2005 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 3 Comments »

Okok, I hate blogging too many post per day but my son insisted I get this info for him.

He and his gang of Form One scouts are going to slaughter a chicken to earn a badge. Big bro told him that their batch broke the chicken’s neck. I go, “Oh my God, why are you all so cruel! How can you break a poor chicken head like that?”

Earlier, my 13 yrs old told me his Muslim friend need to sembelih the chicken secara halal. OK, fine. But now, his Muslim friend is not going to slaughter the chicken and it is back to my kid’s duty.

I had slaughtered plenty of chicken in my lifetime. Back in the 70s, chicken didn’t appear in markets, all bald and dead. We had to rear our own chickens. At home, only my eldest bro and I dare to do this. I had also slaughtered monitor lizards and paddy frogs, btw. And I was only about 10-12 years old, you know?

My style was
1) Catch chicken by chasing all over the kampung
2) Prepare a bowl of salt water
3) Sharpen the knife (very important to have sharp sharp knife)
4) Take chicken, use foot to step on chicken legs
5) By now, chicken know its fate so chicken will have great strength to struggle, claw and cluck in pitiful manner.
6) Left hand, hold chicken’s neck and also wings. If chicken struggle too hard, use the other foot to step on the wings.
7) Pluck some feathers from chicken neck to expose the skin Hold the neck thighter, OMMMMMM, sarrrrtt.
9) Fill the bowl (step 2) with chicken blood
10) Hold for several mins. till chicken no longer struggling and bleeding.
11) Twist the neck into the wings and leave to die completely
12) Dunk in boiling water and pluck feathers
13) Cut open from bottom and remove innards (dirty job)

My son and his friends are contemplating chopping off the head. I told him this is also cruel too. Having a headless chicken running all over the camp (near Botanical Gardens)is not a pretty sight.

So questions :
1) For a Muslim, I know the head has to be severed but can they kill the chicken first by cutting off the trachea and then baru chop off the head?
2) Any seasoned scouts around to tell me if there is any other way to slaughter a chicken than what I used to do?
3) Isn’t breaking off the neck or chopping off the head in one swift blow more cruel than slicing off the air passage?
4) All ye whom have killed a chicken, please stand up.

*Many chickens are harmed in this story.*

Posted on May 3rd, 2005 by Lilian
Filed under: Family | 19 Comments »

Major jam due to long weekend and I had time to observe.

Venue : Gurney Drive

Observation #1

Young, lovely couple holding hands, walking along the waterfront. So romantic under the evening lights and stars, with rows of casuarina trees and the sound of waves, lapping on the sandy beach. Man grinning uncomfortably, looking lost. Woman, laughing and tossing her hair.

Reason? Woman was busy sms-sing (text messaging on her cellphone) and laughing, lost in her own world. She was staring at her phone and punching the buttons. Why ler she can’t leave the handphone alone and pay attention to the hunk walking next to her?

Wish I can tell her : When you are out dating, make sure the guy feels like you are treating him as if he is very important and the only person around.

BUT ON THE OTHER END OF THE SCALE

Couple sitting down. Woman was fanning the man! Gosh! Is he a 2 years old baby or what? It is a breezy night mah. Is he fainting or what? His face didn’t look like he is enjoying the fanning wor. But this woman is fanning so furiously, it is comical. (on the same day, I had attended my sons’ school sports day and the Red Cresent Society also fanned a fainting athelete with the same intensity)

Wish I can tell her : Oi, stupid woman, you think you are serving the emperor or sultan kah? Leave the bugger alone lah. If he complains of heat, tell him to go jump into the sea or take you somewhere posh lah. Don’t ever be a doormat while on dates or else you will end up being stepped on every day for the rest of your life.

Do you agree? When a couple has dated for sometime, all the dirty habits will surface? Because they are comfortable with each other?

Posted on May 3rd, 2005 by Lilian
Filed under: Life and rants | 10 Comments »

*Warning : Scroll down for other postings if this makes you uncomfortable. Tell me about the Do-It-Yourself man or join the PPS t-shirt meme*

My father’s death when I was 7 yrs old
- I was terrified. Death is a scary thing.

My school mate who died at 17 yrs old
- I was crushed. Life is unfair. Only the good guys die young.

My mother’s unexpected death when I was 32 years old
- It is very painful but what can we do? Life is like that.

My parents-in-law’s deaths at 70 yrs and 80 yrs respectively
- Old people have to die. So they die.

By then, I have become a seasoned ‘mourner’. People live, people die. We still have to cope. Life goes on.

I just asked my atm.
“Are you going to re-marry if I die now?”
If my mom is around, she would washed my mouth with clorox and dettol plus fan me with all the gold and silver papers to drive away the crow’s mouth. But she isn’t around to smack my cheeks for being the harbinger of bad luck. (Chinese do not talk about death. It is considered very unlucky.)

Of course, my atm did not pay attention to me. I enjoyed teasing him. With my current mood, I love talking about the unthinkable.

I prodded on, “No lah,I think you better don’t marry anymore. See? you got two white hairs liao, afterwards some SYT cheated you off your EPF. Oh no! your EPF!!!! Cannot lah, I don’t want to die yet. I am going to make sure I spend and enjoy every sen of your huge EPF savings first.”

Just for kicks, I reminded him what I often remind him. “Should I die before I get to travel to Switzerland, make sure you scatter my ashes over the Swiss Alps.” (I had by-passed Switzerland once when I was travelling from Paris to Milan on a train in 1998. I regretted I did not detour to Switzerland.)

His reply – “I will courier it to them (Swiss postmen) to do so.”

*sigh* 3 years ago, I scattered my own son ashes. By now, I have no fear of death. It is actually a good thing. Living without the fear of dying makes me feel free.

I found these photos from my old files. I got a very serene look on my face. The yellow bag is the ashes.

My kids enjoyed a thrilling sampan ride out to the middle of the sea to scatter the ashes.

Ever wonder? Have you seen anyone who has funeral rites that is NOT religious based at all? I haven’t. If you do, tell me how it is performed? How does one deal with the body of a person who does not believe in anything? Do you remember the ‘Sembahyanglah, sebelum anda disembahyangkan’ signs found at mosques? A gentle reminder. (translated : Pray before you are being prayed over.)

Are you afraid of dying? Don’t answer. Don’t even think about it if it spooks you. This is my blog and this is my life. Life and death intertwined.

Posted on May 3rd, 2005 by Lilian
Filed under: Faith | Comments Off