I love Zig Ziglar and of course, I agree with most of the things he wrote. Here’s what he said about Quality Time, taken from his book ‘Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World’.
The question of quality time is one that has been kicked around for several years. Initially it was, in my opinion, a term invented by the “experts” and used by many parents as well as husbands and wives as a cop-out. They justified their lack of time with their children or mate by using the phrase as a catchall, as an excuse for the limited time they spent with their loved ones.
As adults, we can label what is quality time and what is not. But then, how do we expect our kids to tune from normal to quality? Are we there for them when they really need us badly or when they have something proud to share with us? Do they have a built in tuner that says… ok, I shall keep my hurts or my joys until it is quality time with mom and dad. No! So, we are kidding ourselves if we say ‘oh, I do not spend much time with my kids but hey, it is the quality that counts, not the quantity’.
Is this full-time mom here hitting on the conscience of others? Of course not! I do spend a lot of time (‘cos I am forced to!) with my kids but those are not necessary quality time. But knowing that I have more ‘normal’ time available to tune to ‘quality’ time on the demands of my kids is certainly better than say, to allocate every Saturday morning to ‘do’ quality time.
So, like Zig says, quality time is a myth cooked up by guilty parties!
Sunday is sermon day. Today, all the 9yrs (Std 3) old boys and girls and the 16 yrs (Form Four) old youths from my church had their ‘coming of age’ ceremony (1st Holy Communion and Confirmation). The boys and girls are soooo adorable, especially the girls in their white dress and white flowers head band.
So, the parents, as usual, will get a long sermon from the Bishop about bringing up children. One would think that the Bishop will lecture us with a long list of do’s and don’ts. But no such thing. Bishop just ask us parents to give the children two things. TIME. And also telling our children who GOD is. (Actually the sermon/homily is really long but that’s what this tiny brain of mine heard.)
TIME – The Bishop reminded us that in our twilight years, we will need our children to be by our side. When we are weak, the only thing we look forward to is our children. How then are we going to make sure that our children will be there for us at that age? He said give them our time when they are young.
GOD – Our children will not be forever in our protection and care. They will go on their own way. So, assure them of God’s presence.
Hmm… that sounds simple enough. But can I fulfil that? Let me go ponder…
I went back to my old house today and rummage through my old stuffs. Found some of my old office memos, salary slips, promotion letters and all the office politicking and bitching stuffs. Then, I opened up my wardrobe and boy…. my office wears! All the 3 piece suits, all the boutique wears, panty-hose I bought by the dozens, expensive make-up and perfume (all expired, of course), briefcase, high heels…. (note : I was an Executive Secretary, mind you spelt with a capital E and S or rather a sexy-turkey).
*sigh* where have my years gone? It has been 6 years…. Full time mother. Period. No salary, no fancy clothes, no promotion letters, no testimonials…. But, life has been blissful. I have my kids from morning till night. They have me, someone to wait for them with hot meals upon returning home from school, a mommy to cuddle if they had a bad day at school/kindergarten, a mommy who will listen with all ears and full expression to their school tales and a mom to pamper them when they got the flu.
So, I look again at all my old stuffs and can tell them ‘goodbye, I don’t need all of you, my sons happy faces are enough reward!’.
I thought bloggers are weirdos who talk to themselves ‘coz they have no human friends to talk to and they are attention seekers. But heck, I lurve blogs and stalk blogs so might as well join the bunch of weirdos.
What am I going to blab in my blog? 5xmom = is mom, mom, mom, mom and mom. Which means I am best in blabbing about my role as a 5 times mom. To me – parenting just need one ingredient – LOVE. Anything else is ‘kiasu’ and ‘kiasi’ driven. Oh no…. I do not subscribe to the two things. Or rather, I am trying hard to stay away from it in bringing up my children.
(kiasu = afraid of losing, kiasi = afraid of dying but actually also means afraid of losing)