It’s 1 am and here I am, wide as an owl because I drank too much Chinese tea during dinner. It is scary how tea leaves from these Chinese fellas contain shitloads of caffeine that is many times coffee.
So, here I am, wondering what have I done to my blogs? Many of them have expired and I have stopped a hosting in USA. It is not that I have run out of things to write. I have plenty of things going through my minds most of the times but I have no time to actually penned those thoughts down.
Chinese New Year is almost over. I had a great one this. Mostly because I have that ‘oh oh, this may be the last year before my two older sons leave the roost’. It is something that I kept telling hubby. Something like “We must do this, we must do that because maybe next year, we will only have two kids with us.”
The man, as usual, is as sensible as a rock. He said, “Aiyar, what’s so difficult? Then, we fly to join them wherever they are lor, even better.” Spoilt my emo, drama episodes of ‘let’s make the best of this Chinese New Year because who knows, my kids are gonna fly far far away, got married to some angmors LOL and never stay with us but on their own already’.
Come to think of it, I am very lucky. So far, I don’t have kids leaving the roost yet. I am such a ‘house-y’ person, I like my kids leech on for as long as they like. I can’t understand how people can send their kids to faraway lands to study. My sons’ friends have left for studies overseas and some for work. A few can’t return home for the festive season because when you are in this chef business, you know that festive seasons are no longer yours anymore.
Anyway, in between my work and my eldest son’s work schedule, we managed to squeeze in several get togethers with the relatives this Chinese New Year. We took some really lovely pics which are of course shared on my Facebook.
At this age of mine, I finally see why relatives get-together are so important. Year in, year out, someone got married, had babies, someone got sick, someone died. The cycle of life. Whether we like it or not, these had to happen. Being relatives, we know that at the very least, there are people celebrating together with you. And when it is the final moment, there will be people there mourning for you. Such morbid thoughts for a festive season! *slaps mouth for saying that*
So, like every Chinese New Year, we celebrated it in the best way we can. That is to keep in touch with the relatives and see the children grow. When we see the different stages the children grow, we sometimes forget about ourselves growing old. At least for me, I don’t see the connection. Eg. the nieces and nephews whom I used to see as kids are now married and have homes of their own. Yet, inside me, I don’t see myself as the wrinkled up, hunch back auntie that should have been me. I mean, if the kids have grown that much, surely me too had grown very old.
Hmmm…maybe I stopped growing old and sort of stay at this ‘ageless age’ where I feel neither old nor young. I am not sure if people can grasp what I am saying about ‘ageless age’. It is a time when you stopped seeing yourself as that ‘segregated age’ whereby you are expected to act a certain age. Like for eg if you are in your teens, you have to be a student and be rebellious. At 20 plus you have to start being responsible for your own life. At 30s you probably need to think as a parent. Now, for me, at my age, I don’t have to live up to society expectation of me to be anything, anyone, act in whatever manner or perform any special tasks. It is a great age, I say.
And therefore, I hope I stay at this stage. No worries, no financial problems, no kids problems, no big decisions to make and no heavy responsibilities. I shall remember the cycle of the dragon year when I am totally at peace with myself. I hope the next cycle when I am 60, I will be this peaceful and happy with my life. Gosh, I will be 60 and my eldest will be 34 while my youngest will be 21. Woohoo, I will have all adult kids and I can go paint the town red cos I have no more responsibilities.
Until next cycle of dragon year, I hope I will blog again. 🙂