I haven’t blog for a looong time. Maybe tonight I will write a little.
I messed up my appointment because I thought today is Wednesday. So, I got to Mt. Miriam pretty early and waited for 30 minutes, without realising I had stood there for half an hour.
I guess the little goof up has its purpose. My appointment is part of the counseling course I am taking. Not that I need to go to a cancer hospital for treatment, ok?
I must thank God that one lady came by and I only realised I had waited for 30 minutes for a non-existence appointment. And I am praise God for allowing me to bump into fellow coursemate who made a phone call for me to the person I was supposed to see.
Otherwise, stubborn me will be too stubborn to run down to my car to get my phone and I will continue wondering why the person didn’t turn up.
Anyway, with that 30 minutes up at the chapel in Mt. Miriam, I discovered many things.
- I discovered that I actually like being there again. I feel a sense of sadness but I also feel a bit of courage. I know if I choose to return again as a pastoral care volunteer, I will love doing it. Of course, currently, my priorities are far too many so that is not happening anytime soon.
- I find it comforting and a source of solace to be at the chapel alone, high up on the hills.
- I enjoy standing next to the St. Francis Assisi’s statue and feel ‘normal’ because I had read many things about him and his brothers. When you have saints that weren’t the most savvy, you know you don’t do too bad as a regular Christian.
A strong message hits me this morning. I was asking Jesus why do I keep taking on things when I have enough on my plate? Taking this counseling course has not been easy because of the emotionally draining things we have to go through. I have to spend two full days in a month to attend the classes which are compulsory. Usually, I ended up with no weekends because when I have classes, my colleagues have to cover for me. When I don’t have classes, I have to cover for them.
Although I enjoyed learning and practising counseling, I wonder if I can stand some of the things we face. As it is, I find it takes a lot of patience to get people to talk and see what their problems are. And these are people whom had taken the course with me.
So, when I was done praying at the chapel, I look up and saw the Word for the day where Jesus asked ‘leave everything and follow me’.
Ironically, while I was getting bored of waiting, I flipped open a small book with Gospel of Luke. And the same verse was there. Simon (then call Peter) too left his boat and followed Jesus.
In the silence of chapel, I wondered if it is a strong message that I have to stop this inner fight with self. I know that the course is almost finished. More or less, I have a good grasp of the things taught. I couldn’t possibly be doing nothing to it after spending 6 months learning.
One part of me do not want to take any responsibilities and be part of any ministries. I want to be just me, doing what I want, when I can and choose not to do when I do not like. But the other part of me says that I shouldn’t just idle along when I know deep inside, I can do something.
Whenever stirrings like these are felt in my heart, I know something is going to change. So, I shall just throw my hands in the air and say, “whatever, whenever, however, whichever, You know best, Lord.”
One thought on “Follow Me”
Keep up the good work, Lilian. May you be God’s blessing to others 🙂
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